Bigger and more prideful than ever before

Looking in the mirror and realising my hips got wider, again, at some point. Fucking rad, I look better every time I check. Smh not surprised I was claimed by a goth wife so quickly

In honor of this new account, I just wanted to say that being a girl is great. That is all 🏳️‍⚧️

::: spoiler spoiler Well .ml has some downsides but not having access to emojis is something I'm used to as a Jerboa user. :::

::: spoiler genuinely not sure if traumatic or just funny Thinking about that one time in sunday school when I was like 5 and I don’t even remember the reason why he asked this but the teacher asked the boys in the class if they would want to be a girl. I thought about it and decided that sounded pretty nice so I raised my hand and then every one turned and stared at me :::

It is interesting how little other people know about how bodies work with hrt. One cis girl I talked with just assumed that the boobs of transmascs would just disappear by themselves, for example. I knew more when I was an egg, I guess that just shows that cis-ppl don't research hrt that much.

crushing on two cute trans girls at the same time and knowing that both are fine with that feels so good omg

down with cis

I know women can be shitty and all, but its really suspicious that the only people that are awful that I interact with are men

Death to facial hair!

Wore a skirt today to confuse my therapist

If society wasn't so bad I'd take E and get laser.

always a great day to say I LOVE BEING TRANS

Goodnight to eepy trans comrades (me)

Society: You can be anything you want to be. Live life to the fullest!

Me: transes my gender to experience both pubertys

Society: STOP IT! NOT LIKE THAT!

Me:

::: spoiler sadposting god i fucking hate being single and i hate how i can never get an ounce of sympathy for that feeling either. i used to really crave the idea of being in a relationship back in high school but that's because i was trying to experience femininity through someone else and didn't have the emotions to understand that at the time. but now at the age of [too fuckin old to have zero romantic experience], it just fucking hurts feeling how badly i crave any romantic experience and going on E is only making my feelings more pronounced, and dating isn't really an option for me right now because i'm not really at the point to where i feel like i can be out to total strangers so i just boymode through public life right now :::

I injected 1 mg more E than usual yesterday and now everything makes me happy cry

i must kiss more girls for pride

Health anxiety peaking for sure. I have convinced myself I have cancer.

Cw Discussion of medical issues, genitals ::: spoiler spoiler So I have genital warts. I think they might be spreading. Today I look at the underside of my penis and like a quarter of the skin has some strange growth on it... Horrifying. Is this some kind of cancer? I felt some pain and tightness before I even noticed this thing.

Weird side effects though is like "what if I have to get my penis cut off... Oh I'll just get free bottom surgery. That's kinda exciting??". Weird thoughts. This is surely just anxiety though :::

The Stalinist admins saw we were doing good despite them shutting down the site to attempt to block us and have now removed us from pinned.

getting a big scary looking collections letter from the lab that did my blood analysis saying OPEN IMMEDIATELY to deliver me this big scary looking bill with a grand total of $7.60. wtf calm down, that's not enough to buy a cheeseburger anymore

Ugh I missed all of you, where the hell else am I supposed to liveblog my thoughts???

Omg the comm name is so long now. Beautiful.

::: spoiler breast talk Sometimes I love my breasts and sometimes I hate them. I wonder what taking T will do to these feelings. I don’t really want to lose them right now but I also want to pass as man. Weird? :::

I wasn't made to have responsibilities

ahh yis first

There are now only 2 ways to make our report response time faster:

• Making literally everyone a mod

• Robo-transgenders that patrol and purge reactionaries on sight online and irl

I've gotten very far into my physical transition since last summer, and recently I've made some more progress with getting my parents to understand this whole trans thing. But everything else in my life has just gotten worse, sadly.

::: spoiler Rant about personal struggles, transphobia and loneliness I feel like I'm never going to get a job, I'm struggling to stay motivated for anything thanks to my ADHD, I've grown very distant with the few friends I have, and I have no idea how I'm gonna come out to my extended family. The isolation I feel from all of this is really starting to take a toll on me. There's also fact that my brother is a techbro chud that thinks trans people are all just mentally ill. Wish I could cut him out of my life, but that's difficult to do when he still lives with my parents, who I very much care about and want to stay in contact with. This shit sucks :::

Despite all of this I feel hopeful about my future. Gonna try to join a local queer org soon, see if I can't get to know more trans people that way. Also looking into getting therapy, as well as trying out a different ADHD medication since ritalin isn't doing anything for me.

Lots of straight people at the lesbian bar.. just got asked by some dude if I was in line for the men's room. Very cool

we must surpass the news mega

ignore my news mega posting i am not a traitor that must just be a bug ignore it

Been crying soooooooo much more lately

Despite that, I feel like vomiting all those sad emotions has made me find some joy again. Things are very difficult in my relationship because being trans will end it, but I have more support now than I ever have! I guess I just need to decide whether I'm "trans enough" for transitioning to be worth it

came out to a friend the other day and we played Stardew Valley together and she said my name and oh wow it feels so nice when people call me a girl name

How do people handle names with job applications? In the past I've just used my legal/dead name but now I'm using my chosen name on top and adding a note on my resume of my legal name and that I'm trans. It's a little awkward and I'm worried about discrimination, but idk how best to approach it.

For context I've mostly been working blue coller in warehouses or doing data entry or light technical repair type stuff, and I'm applying in blue areas in the US.

I don't like the changes, can we go back to 0.19.3 plz

::: spoiler Transphobic cliché Resigned to the fact that I'll have to constantly explain to cis people the rest of my life that I wasn't "born in the wrong body", I was assigned the wrong gender at birth. :::

Trans megathreads popping off

I misread the title as "trans meetup" and was so ready to fedpost

::: spoiler clothing dysphoria (envy?) discussion (if that makes sense) I probably over spoiler but

Its really weird how I can feel... I don't know if its dysphoria or gender envy but I really want to wear girl shorts instead of guy shorts. Its 6 inches of fabric brain, why is that such a big deal? Like really wanting to wear a skirt makes sense because there's nothing like it in normal guy clothing, but shorts? Really? That's what I feel a deep longing in my heart to change?

Also how weird is that? Its not part of my body but... I don't know. It feels a lot like how I want to shave my legs, yaknow? But that's part of me. I guess they're both gender presentation things. I don't know where I'm going with this or if I'm making sense so I'll just cut it off here. :::

going to try and present femme in public for the first time tomorrow and oh wow am i nervous and scared

Its the middle of winter I'm tired of 'pride' bring on wrath it sounds cosier

What is everyone’s favorite plushie? Mine is a little brown bat!

I keep getting gender euphoria from the weirdest things. Yesterday I had to wear these fireproof/cut proof arm sleeve things for work and my first thought was how good they made my hands look. They were like a pair of cute heather green arm warmers. So here I was admiring how nice my hands looked and thinking about how cute things would look with my nails painted. All the while I'm surrounded by a bunch of steel worker dudes.

working on bringing up them post numbers by saying:

THIGHS GO SQUISH! THIGHS GO SQUISH! THIGHS GO SQUISH! THIGHS GO SQUISH! THIGHS GO SQUISH! THIGHS GO SQUISH! THIGHS GO SQUISH! THIGHS GO SQUISH! THIGHS GO SQUISH! THIGHS GO SQUISH! THIGHS GO SQUISH!

STOP BEING ASHAMED OF BEING TRANS

THERE ARE LITERALLY PEOPLE WHO ARE PROUD """BELGIANS""" OUT THERE

Hey Hexbear trans thread it's been a bit, how's it been... Wtf you hit 600 on the week I wasn't posting because I was recovering from a breakup? I can't believe I was the one holding us all back. 😔 Good job, I'm proud of all of you and your incredible posting power.

💜 https://lemmygrad.ml/pictrs/image/a4a428b7-5d0e-4fab-8239-e9faf07dc4d7.png 💜

(I'm also feeling fine now if anyone is worried about the breakup, I just needed a few days playing comfort games and talking with my close friends to recover.)

I WASN'T LYING WHEN I SAID BIGGER AND MORE PRIDEFUL THAN EVER BEFORE

I don't pass, but people are complimenting my hair. Today a cashier asked me for my haircare routine, which was very flattering

Torrenting I Saw The TV Glow for tonight, finally feel like I can fit in here

Shout out to all my autistic trans peeps!

ranting about my flatmate.

::: spoiler spoiler My Flatmate keeps asking me if I am still sure about being trans and hrt. I just about have had it with her. It's extremly annoying, and also transphobic. Happy that we have only a month left of living together. Maybe I'll get to live with people that respect my choices ::: spoiler spoiler :::

I think I finally found a good summer style for myself. Hopefully we can get some spendable income by summer's end so I can actually look good this year. Then again, I should be careful with top surgery. My damned bust is already pushing plus sizes and I don't need to completely invalidate my entire wardrobe in one fell swoop.

Still need to figure out what my autumn/winter style is. I'll have to actually put thought into that before those months roll around.

Update at 3hrs, I like Celeste, it turns out making Super Meat Boy less slippery and less "boy" was what we call a pro gamer move. cool soundtrack, I like the story vibes even if I dunno how I feel about a classic challenge-platformer sandwiched into a narrative game, and I like that it's an asskicker but with an approachable learning curve. Collecting strawberries so I'm not left with nothing to show for my spanked, red ass

feeling pretty good about last night despite being food poisoned. when is the cutoff age to be a princess?

Did the name get shortened over night?

WE HAVE PASSED THE 666 THRESHOLD

Today was a busy day for me. I finally got around to properly celebrating my mousy wife's birthday after having to put it on hold due to pain in the surgical area last week. I made her a lemon cake with lemon mousse between the layers and a lemon buttercream on the outside. It was fantastic, but I need to improve my baking skills as it wasn't quite up to my astronomical standards =w= We also had ham, mashed potatoes, and corn on the cob. Very standard and easy stuff, but still delicious no matter how you look at it. Twas a good day even if I am exhausted out of my mind.

I know that seems like a random thing to talk about in here, but it brings me gender euphoria and I really don't know why. It's probably because it's what my mother used to do for myself and my sisters when we were younger and I'm emulating her. Seems like the most reasonable explanation

me currently: girl in progress

me soon: girl in PROGress as soon as PP stops fucking around and gives me the good shit (i know i haven't been on HRT for very long at all but i wanted to make a dumb joke now)

I should get more plushies

Good morning

Posting to make up for downtime. We need to get to 600 this time.

It's been 8 months since I changed my pronouns what. I thought I had only been thinking about trans stuff for 4 months.

i have got to get girlier

"LGBT Rights in ___" summary tables on Wikipedia will literally say "Equal age of consent ✅/❌” but not "Equal age of puberty ✅/❌" Intriguing!

had a really nice therapy session today, lot of crying though

::: spoiler Booba My right titty be hurting a lot today No pain no gain, amirite? :::

holy shit was this part of my thighs this squishy before?? i think my thighs are a little squishier

::: spoiler i'm so sorry to keep talking about my tits like this but holy fuck they're big enough to where i can like... shove my index finger right between the two of them while wearing a bralette there's enough of a gap to just slide right in there :::

okay, let me ask a question:

what does being visibly trans mean to you? like, emotionally. do you think it's important? is it something that you're comfortable with?

i am, in my opinion, pretty visibly trans doing a pretty visible thing and the only time i really remember that is when people talk about how it's important. i make a mental note of basically every time i've positively affected a queer person doing my stuff and those moments are some of the few things i actually keep in my memory when i need motivation. the best thing about being trans is the sense of community, even if not all of us hold exactly the same values. we're all on this ride together, for better or worse.

i think visibility is important too, i just don't see living my life as some sort of project or praxis. i'm doing the only thing i've ever cared about, as the woman i was meant to be, and i'm not gonna let anything stop me, especially not a transphobe. it feels like cognitive dissonance and it's progressed to the point where i literally forget i'm trans in public until i'm in a situation where i am acutely aware of it, either by someone mentioning it, being around another trans person, or being painfully, obviously alone in a sea of cis people. how the fuck do i keep forgetting a pillar of my existence despite actively being dysphoric almost every day? i'm torn between my identity being a foundational part of my personality and just wanting to forget about it when i'm out. i think passing fully would be great but i don't know who i'd be if i lost that thread tugging at my heart when i'm waiting in line at the store or whatever.

maybe that was all rambling and i'm doing my best not to give away too much info but it is something i'd like to get some perspective on. would you rather pass fully and live your life without any of the hard parts of being trans or would you rather live with the hardship and be a beacon for other trans/queer people to know that we're existing in the world and they can too?

we're going to hit 500 again

There isn't enough traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns posting. Please post more.

i heard somewhere that "healhy" fats are good for helping tits grow. my roommates came back from the food bank the other day with like 8 goddamn pounds of almonds so I'm seeing if I can turn those into tiddies

Thinking of making a resources / help / psa thread for condensing down some old pins into one post and just have it exist for a long time

All dressed up, nowhere to be, ever

I could rot, let's do it together

Yoooooo she jus like me fr fr!! I lied, Fishmonger fucks. Hits different the fourth time

My husband and I started discussing how we're going to tell our parents about me. It's stressful but I really feel like we are a united front.

Hope everyone has a nice day for the last day of pride month tomorrow!

god she's so great, i love her. if only she was a remotely playable card

Dastardly controllers of featured posts: *removes trans mega*

Trans mega: "Fuck it, we ball "

::: spoiler kinda depressing trans related thoughts Man... sure does seem to be difficult to get people onboard with the idea that anyone under 18 should have the right to determine their gender and do anything medical at all about it Obviously in western nations there's this ridiculous perception of one's children as property, as a mini-version of the parent subject to their whims, to live vicariously through, as a prestige item. I swear to fuckin god death to amerikkka, chuds keep saying The West Has Fallen, like god I wish.

But also just in general I think there's a lot of resistance to the idea that kids should be allowed to do anything. The anecdote the one gradder shared of some 27-year-old exchange student needing parental signoff blows my fucking mind. Granted, maybe that type of thing is less of an issue when parents are less dogshit, but Idk. It does not bring me joy. :::

For example, I myself realized after coming out to my wife that all of my previous dating attempts had absolutely been sapphic in nature. My first order had always been to become good friends with them. Dates would never be labeled as dates because we would just sit and talk somewhere, hanging out together. Consequently, several of my relationships ended simply because I was too scared to make the first move out of destroying the friendship. I would spend half my waking day thinking about them and wanting to be around them, not out of sexual lust, but out of personal infatuation. My first girlfriend straight up told me on our first date that I was unlike any man she’d ever dated because I enjoyed talking instead of just trying to get physical. She broke up with me two months later because I wasn’t as assertive as she wanted from a partner. Genderdysphoria.fyi

That's lesbian dating?! God damn that's what I've always thought I'd want from dating. Literally me irl. Are we really sure this is a trans thing??

Looking @ the nonbinary flag in this dork youtube nerd's profile pic, and a switch flips somewhere in my brain - Oh yeah, me now

Funny enough I always thought the nb flag was rad as hell. I'll be internalising this for probably the next few months at least - every other day it seems I recognise a new and funny way that being nb alters my being, feels good.

::: spoiler More moderate cognitohazards Paul Takes The Form Of A Mortal Girl is doing a bit. It's trying to get me to deem it an egg story, to pidgeonhole Paul as a trans woman (he was assigned male at birth) and declare it all to be an egg thing. But yo, what the fuck? He lived full-time as a woman with his terf gf Diane and when he lost that he got miserable... so he goes back to being a guy (nominally) and having casual sex again. While he is miserable about this state of affairs, he's also extremely detached, knows he can get anything from his waiter whom he's fucking with "his lost boy routine". Idk who Paul is or what he wants. He just seems to move through whatever situations or relationships and meld his dumb ass to whoever he currently likes or fucks.

Fuckin'... despite being able to change literally every permutation of his body to match any gender presentation, Paul is still hopelessly detached and can only use his shifting as a shield, or to blend with someone. Left to his own devices, he just falls back on whatever is easiest... huh...

I am at like 60% and this might still be beyond me to comprehend, which doesn't feel good. Almost desperate enough to consult Goodreads reviews, but given all the stuff I'm pretty sure the reviews will be unfunny. :::

The fact that literally all the major boss fights have an npc summon and multiple questlines relies on you summoning npc clearly shows that Fromsoft wants you to summon.

I keep going to the home page thinking the trans mega is still pinned but it's not.

Just finished my second individual session 0 with my group for Pathfinder. So far, two successes out of two sessions. Getting pretty big compliments from the two people I've run for thus far and it feels awesome. They're having fun and I hope that session 1 goes just as great for everyone. And I must say, I'm having a great time thus far DMing. It's fantastic.

Rad Pride is this Saturday. Half excited to go to a Pride Thing for the first time in like a decade, half nervous because apparently this has historically been a very anti-communist event and I'll be going to represent my party.

finally got around to having blood work done again to check my levels, I feel like they're pretty low for my last dose to be 1 week ago.

Anyway I asked my endo to (officially) up my dosage frequency from once every two weeks to at least once a week, and I also asked him if we could up my dose (4mg).

He agreed to increase my frequency but not my dose.

I didn't tell him i'd already switched to once a week but now I'm trying to convince him to up my dose as well, hopefully he agrees otherwise I'm going to have to awkwardly tell him I'd been doing once a week doses for the last 1.5 months.

edit: nevermind he responded quickly basically saying not for 3-4 weeks at least, and if my levels don't improve i'll have to go in to get shots instead of doing it at home (which i hate because I have to make time away from work).

600 COMMENTS

Dumb question for the femmes, do men (that you don't previously know) often engage in small talk or friendly convos for platonic reasons or is it usually flirting? I've only been with queer ppl previously and the hetero world is bizarre to me

Dancing around my house in sheer gender euphoria

::: spoiler catastrophizing about work I'm really stressed about my job. I like my job, and I like the work. But I'm worried about the future when it becomes hard to ignore my transition. Its not a big place, there is only 15 of us. More than half are boomers who will be retiring in the next few years. Most of the rest of my coworkers are your standard variety Gen x Cartman wannabe types. But a few are really cool and probably won't be a problem. Both my foreman and the big boss really like me. I'm super productive compared to the boomers and I know things no one else does.

But the work culture is shitty blue collar in a shitty Midwestern state. 80% of the work I do, I am in the field and alone for, but I do have to spend time at the shop. The city where work is located has some really strong anti-discrimination laws and they can't just fire me. Especially since I've had nothing but exemplary reviews every 6 months for the last 3 years. I'm outside of my apprenticeship, I'm outside of any probationary time.

I guess I really don't want to be a target and I really don't want to get fired. Sure, I'm positive I'd win the lawsuit if I got fired but still I am stressed about the potential stress of it.

:::

::: spoiler complaining about my therapist, detrans, generally not really believing me The cw kind of sums it all up but this week's session really didn't make me feel better about them. They brought up detrans people and how important it was to make sure before doing anything (I mean I guess?). Talked about how many of their clients stopped after two weeks. They talked about how I never ha e really put effort into how I look and should try that more before deciding to transition.

Another big thing they brought up was influence, as if I was being influenced into being trans. They talked about that for a little while.

I'm sure they said some affirming stuff too, like about how small things can be really helpful (like plushies/nails).

I don't know. I'm so insecure in my identity already I just wish they weren't like this. I know some of it seems really bad but this is how they are about other things too, just likes to explore all the options I guess.

And yes I'm pretty stuck with this one, at least for now. It just really sucks this is the best I have irl (I know having a therapist at all is a huge privilege but I do wish I had some trans/ally friends) :::

Thinking about how I might possibly still have a little bit of time where if I was on hrt my bone structure might change a little tiny bit a completely normal amount (I'm guessing cis people think about this every day)

Looks like my husband might tell his best friend and best friends wife about me next weekend. We will be seeing them for the holiday and he really wants to tell his friend. I'm ok with it I just hope it goes well. His wife is low-key one of the biggest sources of gender envy for me. I really hope we can still be friends. I doubt it'll be a problem but you know anxiety and all.

Went to a filmshowing that was advertised as being organised by one of the local queer groups. Well, very few people were there, but the film was ok. Later managed to talk with an organizer, and found out that none of the 3 local groups do anything for trans people.

He even said, that he was ""too old"(he was like 35) for the topic, and that the biggest community (from like 1970) is "certainly" not helpful for me.

So it seems like the local organizers treat trans-issues as a modern phenomen, and that the biggest and oldest queer org, looks to be some conservative "LGB" bullshit.

Also the city council is deeply reactionary, from what I've heard, doing everything short of outright illegalizing pride, to keep it from being organized.

I got the number of a local transwoman of him though, and I will try to contact her to actually get somewhere.

Playing Celeste (I must have grabbed it in a bundle thousands of years ago) to see if it's actually good

It's almost time

I haven't felt very trans the last 24ish hours, chat is it over for me?

We're approaching 300 comments on Wednesday. They only perceived a fraction of our power before. Now they are coming to realize how POWERFUL we truly are!

Got around to watching I Saw the TV Glow on Saturday night.

I loved the movie, but like it wasn't as emotionally devastating as I'd hoped it would be. Maybe I'm just busted? Idk like I definitely connected with the film on a lot of its parts/aspects. There were even certain parts of the film where I already knew what the main character was going to say before it was said.

::: spoiler spoiler The part on the bleachers where Tera/Maddy was asking Isabel about her sexuality hit a little too close and I literally answered "I don't know" out loud before Isabel did. :::

---

Idk maybe I'm more emotionally locked up than I thought or maybe my expectations were too high or maybe I was just too ready to be analytical instead of just taking the movie as it comes.

I'll re-watch it again, probably soon. I'll definitely remember it as one of my favorite movies, I identify far too personally with the text for it to not be; I just wanted to share the connection with it that many trans people are saying they felt with it, and I'm a little disheartened that I feel like I didn't connect in the same way that some people did.

I actually don't really care if people give me evil looks for my presentation. I guess I got so much shit as a child for my hair, and still always kept it, that it doesn't matter to me anymore how other people react. Mostly I just have fun provoking old bigots, and they are far and few between anyway. But it's really funny how angry they look, but they can't do anything. They are powerless.

Wanna see me do 175 kmpost/h? [insert missing emoji here]

Thinking about the two books I have on the go rn but still really wanting to play Celeste more

The mega is safe from literary torment...

for now

I got a sleeping cap for my hair from my possibly-transphobic-flatmate (at this point I assume that she just does not think, like at all. She just doesn't get things), but I always wake up having rubbed it off during the night. Maybe I should sew on a chin strap.

>try chilling with a comfy book in pride month

>>>protag has queerphobic parents who get large amounts of screentime

Okay look, right, here's a hot new rule I want all writers, directors, gamedevs, and more to follow. If you make things, this is your new directive: If you are going to put queerphobic parents in your story, they must die violently on-screen. Comfy reading.

I got a little enamel pin that is this emoji . It's soooooo cute. I pinned it to my hat and wore it out today to my therapy session. I also went in full fem mode skirt and girls t shirt and sports bra with some "bust enhancers". I think I looked really fuckin cute.

>check modlog

>transphobes have fallen, millions must be banned

New purge is looking fuckin awesome

stop constantly comparing yourself to cis women and making yourself feel bad CHALLENGE: LEVEL: IMPOSSIBLE

Since I don't want to end up in an actually dangerous situation, I tell all the possible appartments(with flatmates) that I am trans in the first message. I do however get like a 5th of the invitations to physical meetings that I got before. (or less, I wrote 7 applications and got invited to one place, and there the vibes were very off)

A small 1 room place might be smarter for now, till I am more established and know people again.

Appartment hunting clearly doesn't work the same for me anymore. I used to work as a cleaner and in a kitchen, so I could sell myself as a flatmate very consitently.

Fuck my Landlord for evicting everyone, so his nephew can move in.

Since I started interpreting my doctors instructions right, and taking a doble dose of estrogen I have been doing much better. I am not nearly as depressed as before, almost not at all anymore to be honest.

Solution to all of lives problems: Just take some Estrogen, and if it hasn't helped yet, take more.

Went in a black jumpsuit for pride, did my makeup, like Emma Ruth Rundle in this video https://youtu.be/TXCjEKpwtRc?si=bXqBv_HnMtVzUT-7 I felt so hot, my ace ass kissed a bunch of shes, gays and theys. First pride was really nice.

can't believe it's been over four years since I first came out as not cis I was one of the first people in my high school at the time to do it

I bought some hair removal creme("andmetics" brand, just bought the first one I could find) and tried it, and the result was that there is no result. Details: ::: spoiler spoiler First test on my left arm, 10 minutes left on (the maximum recommended duration), and afterwards no change, not a single hair fell out and I also had no skin irritation at all.

Second test on my right arm, upwards of 15 minutes left on, and with a far thicker layer of cream on it. Also no result, skin is possibly slightly irritated, but I am not sure.

I guess it's not strong enough if you don't have cis-women hair? But it also didn't cause any irritation, like the manual said it would. :::

I will research what is an actually good brand and try again. And what the conditions on it not working are.

I feel so fucking trans right now

A year ago I choose they/them pronouns with much hemming and hawing about if it was okay because I was totally cis. Eventually I settled on yes, but with a note in my bio that I was totally cishet. And uh, now here we are, in the biggest trans thread on lemmy.

I wish I were better at dealing with conflicts. Mainly I just hide, to an almost ridicoulous degree.

::: spoiler :') Someday I'll learn to tuck, maybe, if I can be fucked at all and ever want to stop wearing jeans all the time. Yoga pants? More like, not outside the fucking house pants. :::

As an NB I feel happy with how I look without hormones and I think I’d feel happy (er?) on hormones, but idk. I’m on blockers atm.

Scratch that. I was not particularly happy pre-blockers (I was happy with how I looked tho), but I’m not sure if I’m happier now bc of blockers or actual self improvement. Can I get a control for my experiment called life?

We are just 100 away from closing pride month out with 666

Sometimes I wonder if my vibes based approach to transition is right, or if there is even another spproach to something so personal.

I feel like I have been stagnating, though I can also imagine that I should take it as it comes, and do things when I feel ready for them.

i've seen many big tiddies before, but i never knew what they looked like POV. fucking hell

and we are back

Me seeing the "MAN UP" sign in Celeste at the start

What I realised watching the new Pyramid Inu video is that even if I wasn't raised to be a filthy otaku, I'm probably incapable of escaping being a massive fuckin weeb. It just seems to be a thing, stuck with this intense love-hate with anime & manga.

Good thing I have apocalyptically bad taste

Hello everyone I hope yous are all doing well. Have a happy pride!!! Much love!!! 🥰🥰🥰🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🥰🥰🥰

damn you spiro stop making me salt all my food too much

::: spoiler talking about bottom dysphoria

Been on the fence about whether I wanted bottom surgery for a long time now, but this week cemented that I want this fucking thing off me. And I finally started the process. Feels good to be making waves.

:::

i switched to injections and restarted prog and i feel so much better now??? like a lot of my dysphoria just fuckin disappeared a few hours after my first shot. maybe it's just a placebo effect but i should be able to see where my levels were at w the pills on monday. ive had a feeling abt them being low but im not sure if it was all in my head

oooohhhh i know this thread is about to close but i saw I Saw The TV Glow and now i am unbelievably big sad

WTF?! We're at 871 comments?! I step away for one day and all you awesome folks just wildly pump our numbers. I love it!

lol, make that 871 cause I accidentally double posted.

I wake up and we are at 500! Our posting shall reach heights never before seen!

Happy last day of pride, y’all! Be kind and love yourselves out there.

I can by now speak without my chest vibrating, but not consitently. Still fun. Singing is also much more fun now.

::: spoiler depression vent (It's long) Y'all I feel like shit (bland, dull, bad, idk how else to describe it). I'm hoping this is just because I'm on the tail end of my injection cycle, but if it's not I'm probably about to be put into the ringer. I really should look into therapy or something because I get the smallest wins (especially after starting E) and I say "wow E cured my depression I thought I had already gotten over" and then I get back into it and it feels worse than it did before. It could also be Bipolar or something of that vein, or even worse its just something fun that could possibly come from AuDHD (realizing as I am typing this that it would have been better for the neurodiverse comm but whatever I need to get it out there). Despite being on Hexbear now and getting to talk to all of you, I feel lonlier than I have probably ever felt. I got a taste of this almost a year ago when most of the people I know either moved or became too occupied, and I was like "this is fine, I like isolation anyway, I like my personal time" and then my family was gone and I realized how much I despise it. After my egg cracked though I suddenly found myself wanting to spend more time with other people. The issue is, after "preferring" isolation for so long (in combination with my AuDHD and whatever else is going on inside my head) I am left without (what I feel) are adequate skills to meet new people, make new friends, even talk to other peers. The farthest I can get in conversations was my (now ex) cashier job and in passing with strangers while walking/hiking because I have had a lot of time to hone scripts for these situations. When I don't have a script, however, and I try to do something, it sends me into an anxiety-ridden spiral (I struggle to learn because I just form scripts, these don't help me improve). This is so bad that it even happens on here; It's the reason I often don't know what to say, can't respond to others appropriately, etc (Y'all have just been getting a lot of this , I'm sorry I just haven't really been able to put much into words). :::

::: spoiler TL;DR (CW: excessive swearing) Fuck my AuDHD, Fuck Depression (or Bipolar or whatever the fuck), Fuck Social Anxiety (and anxiety in general), and of course, I'm extremely sorry I haven't been present. How horrible is it that I disassociate from an internet forum and just enter lurker mode again. It makes me feel horrible and like a stalker :::

So that you all don't have to read these if you don't want to (or try to respond to it), or just want some positivity out of me, I can still give it. One of my friends is using my new name now, and I starting voice training today! I thought I would enjoy it, since I like singing and all, but it is a different beast. I'm used to vocalizing, but I'm rusty, haven't had to do it in a while, and I sound like some sort of combination between a dead animal and voice cracks (the voice cracks aren't bad, I know, but it's jarring).

Death to cis, Luna

I think "on the level" meaning "legit" should make a comeback. I've been watching 1960s tv series.

Waow, historic thread Sorry I had to go SLEEP and CUDDLE MY WIFE and all that!

we gotta get to 600 ya'll

LITTLE BLUE ENCYCLOPEDIA

I sometimes forget how far I have come in the last few months, like I realized it in november, or around there, and I think for that timeframe I have achieved a lot. It's easy to forget sometimes, but feels great when I remember.

Interestingly what didn't change at all with hormones was my skin, it was always as soft as it is now. And i always liked that about me. A really euphoric moment when I was an egg, was when a girl touched my arm and commented that I had softer skin than her.

::: spoiler cannot hold this in ::: spoiler but your eyes will not forgive you. OKAY SO last time I posted about Paul Takes The Form Of A Mortal Girl, he was living with and dating his new terf gf from Michigan Womyn's Festival. He got dumped and skipped town :)

"Ex," said miserable Paul. He put his headphones on but didn't press play. If he was Polly right now he'd probably cry. Polly was kind of a crier, something Diane had teased him about. Paul didn't cry. What else did Paul do or not do? He'd have to remember or find out. He could do anything now; he was Teen Runaway Paul. Was it cheating to stay in the hostel? Maybe he should sleep on the streets, hustle like a real teen runaway. Maybe he should make himself way younger, get taken in by Social Services and adopted by a wealthy but liberal older gay couple, start life over. He could ace high school now, get a scholarship to NYU for film...

The waiter leaned his spindly elbows on the counter in front of Paul.

This had me asking like, is Paul's entire life fake? Is he just grasping for authenticity through a veil of disaffected gen-x bullshit, rolling listlessly through life? Is Paul actually secretly Maria Griffiths????

At that point I was like, Oh Yeah. Even though Maria is this overtraumatised trans woman from New York who has the diy punk 90s thing as an artifact, a shell from her youth, and Paul is a genderfluid/flux/transfem egg?/it's complicated water spirit, drifting through life mostly having sex all the time... you can swap the keywords and they are the same person. Same modus operandi.

The difference, for me trying to get perspective, is that everything Maria does is motivated by the fact she is hopelessly traumatised and as a result, disconnected and kinda shitty. She fucks off to New Reno in reaction to her life imploding, because she was too bored and disconnected to do any upkeep on her relationship, you know.

Paul is just kind of like... does he enjoy drifting randomly from city to city, nightclub to nightclub, having tons of casual sex and altering his body to suit his taste? It seems like he should if he's doing it, but if not why does he even do it? He pumps the brakes on all that to be in sapphic monogamy with his new terf gf, but it's clear to them both that he gets drawn back to his usual ways, flirting with lesbian baristas and considering hooking up on the dl. His motives are an actual mystery to me, it's like this way is all he knows and he loves and hates it at once? I could not tell you what he wants, I guess, is what it comes down to when you cut through the miasma of 90s-ass references.

Also the book's insistence on using he/him pronouns for Paul is very funny.

I think what made The Masker so satisfying to read, aside from that I already understood everything in it before I started, is that it's so short and focused, it's almost a parable or something. A Novel like this usually involves a listless, lolloping, lackadaisical plot, and Paul is the most all-of-those, at like 700 pages. :::

::: spoiler Even more on Paul 120 volts strike the rail spike in my brain as I read this line

He flipped through the most current Sister!/My Comrade. The drag queens pictured within were all so beautiful and clever, like a more evolved species. He just wasn't one of them, he allowed himself to know with some regret.

and realise Oh Right, it is the 1990s and probably Paul does not know the distinction between "drag queen" and "transfemme", like how the SCUM Manifesto does its labelling. He is egging out, right there!!!

Eggy shapeshifter!!!

I love that Paul literally tries drag at some guy's house and literally tailors his form so that he looks like the most stunning and sensational drag queen, and can literally shift his body to suit any gender, and then looks at a zine full of drag queens (and maybe transfemmes) and goes "God I wish that were me " His head is empty, poor Paul lmao. :::

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/421879/the-sisters-of-dorley/

I feel like this is really good, but I am having a hard time reading. It deconstructs force-fem stories, and for someone like me, who has never read a foecefem story on my life, it's really interesting. It's very not horny, which I appreciate. Gotta spend more time on it.

Basically a trans girl finds out about an organisation that forcefems mysoginistic men, and mistakes it for an organisation helping trans girls like her. And inducts herself into it to get trans healthcare.

I just reached my highest rating at chess.com ever: 2001. I've always wanted to break 2000 and I managed to eke that out. I'm amazed I did it. I don't know how. I'm tired, grumpy, and I drank way too much coffee today. And when I played yesterday - it was the same.

::: spoiler sadposting Been feeling really sad and dysphoric over the last few days, real bedrotting hours. Hope I can get out of it soon. Feel like i'm going nowhere in my life and struggling a lot of the time. :::

does anyone know how long it usually takes for walgreens to restock estradiol valerate? i switched to injections and i still have two weeks left of my pills but i guess id like to know if i need to start calling other pharmacies

666 INCOMONG 😈 WE ARE MORE POWERFUL THAN EVER BEFORE!!!

::: spoiler spoiler How did we do this, like seriously? These went from like 200-300 comments if not less to being large numbers every week. :::

I need to just get a strong internal sense of gender. It's kinda hard when no one sees me :/

God has smote me with a tummy ache on the last day of pride

I really like the styles women in yuri manga wear. I guess I mostly like long skirts, or pants, with a fitting top.

Whomst among you has read The Masker?

> Coal is red

> Food is red

> Scouting parties are 24 hours out

You have one objective: SURVIVE

Cue music

600 by the end of the day!

Hollow Knight is surprisingly trans which I did not expect when I started playing.

::: spoiler story spoilers When the main character (and its million siblings) were born without gender and never gain one throughout their lives, and they’re all made of void or something which is supposed to erase them of conscious thought and emotion but clearly doesn’t :::

550 Comments?! If it weren’t for Biden shitting his pants last night, we’d actually be rivaling the news mega

::: spoiler weird book shit Being so relentlessly treatbrained that I click on a video called "Transs*xuals and Suffering" and hoping it will be some kinda essay on torture-porn in fiction, but ACTUALLY it's about how suffering being a defining element for trans people is lame... :::

::: spoiler sh feelings, dysphoria (don't read if easily sad) sorry I try not to post about it too much because I'm not actually doing it and bringing it up brings a lot of sad vibes to the thread but whatever, I want to get this off my chest.

I keep having really strong sh urges, like I haven't felt in a long time (maybe 2-3 years). Its so concentrated on my left arm and I know its from my general dysphoria. I hate my body so much and its just manifesting as this urge to hurt myself and its so hard. Its such a strong feeling. And its not even just for pain like it usually is, but I want to bleed too. Why is this my burden. I feel weak. The urge just keeps running through my mind. It keeps getting worse. My old scars feel like needles.

I am currently safe however. :::

MORE TRAAAAAAAAAANS THAN EVER BEFORE

::: spoiler complaining about clothing but not dysphoria so I'm apoilering just in case Bought boyshorts from Aerie and they aren't boyshorts like they advertised, they're just longer briefs. Instead of having 2 shorts legs on then they are just a rectangle with a little bit at the bottom for a crotch area :::

::: spoiler bookposting shit Thinking really hard. Rlly hard.

Manhunt by Gretchen Felker-Martin, Fluids by May Leitz, anything else with a CW list a mile long: horrific, evil, you're slime for recommending this, I bet you're a criminal, why are you so weird, etc

A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara: hugely successful gay traumaporn book

The difference is that A Little Life centers cis men, isn't it that's what it fuckin is, I bet. Also because it is written by a straight woman LMAOOOO

I get that navelgazing myopic A Novels written by Gen X trans women are never gonna be that popular, because Dude What The Fuck, but I feel weirdly bitter about this, Idk. Shit like this is also why I'm always hopping around tryna figure out if Manhunt or Fluids are too much in terms of trauma, I think.

(Sorry, I was watching this owl criticism video )

UPDATE: I figured it out, it's because in addition to the above, A Little Life is basically a hopped up Ao3 hurtcomfort fic that doesn't engage with the trauma it depicts or the queerness it ardently refuses to ackowledge, and lacking the proper context (tons of weird fanfic stuff) the Westoid press decided it was The Great Murican Gay Novel because characters getting tortured is DEEP. :::

::: spoiler dysphoria/gender envy I've really been wish I had more femme fat distribution, especially in the hips/stomach area. I've always hated my stomach for some unknown reason, but now I'm starting to realize I think I'm okay with my weight, it's just that its concentrated in my stomach. :::

I accidentally shrunk my new skirt in the wash last night.

There is currently an extremely cool thread about trans rights in China happening on Grad right this minute

i desire more emotes of mice

This comment has no relation to being trans but I decided to post it here anyways :))))

Imagine if we start doing daily trans-megathreats, to fit all the comments, would be funny.

People will start calling egg jokes & suggestions "transvestigating." It will be considered an example of transsexism - a very real, arguably even worse opposite to cissexism, like misandry is to misogyny.

I feel a little weird about terms like "girlkisser" or whatever now. Like yes, certainly, I love it when women but also uh, my wife, nonbinary goth from the void. I kinda feel like some of the gendered lesbiany terms don't adequately summarise anymore. Which feels kinda weird, because I've already settled on busting the term "lesbian" backward to include all the people I might be attracted to who aren't binary women.

That comment count

::: spoiler talking about genitals Penis funni

(I am running out of posts but want to see 900) :::

Met the endo today, and it was very quick,asked if I was happy with the hormones, explained the dosage, took some blood and let me go. Was all in all maximum 15 minutes.

I had the thought last night (and have kinda felt this way for a while)

I'm not trans because I'm not taking E

Chat, how many trans women start out on E?

We are soooooo close to 900! Come on one last push!

500 comments

::: spoiler talking about bigots So right now I'm on a bit of a kick watching right wing youtubers get dunked on, and one of the things this particular chud keeps bringing up is how happy traditional gender roles have made him, and how he wants the same for his kids. BUT HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THEY MIGHT BE HAPPIER GETTING TO PICK IF THEY WANT YOUR GENDER ROLES OR NOT?! Its all well and good that you're happy being the strong provider for your loving and dependent wife, and I'm genuinely happy for you (as long as she's happy being married to a chud), but why do you not consider that I would be happier in a different relationship? What if being "biologically able to have kids" is not important to other people?

Any way just kind of a thought I had about these sorts of people. Its their roles that make them happy, or nothing. I like dogs, so you liking cats pisses me off. :::

I thought IPL was completely ineffective at hair removal, but seeing people's experiences here has made me wanna try it

::: spoiler late night book post I think I have ever successfully forced at gunpoint coerced by threat convinced an entire two people to read any of my particularly weird A Novels.

The first one was this hillarious smalltown 20 year old cishet guy, and for whatever fucking reason the dude decided he was gonna read fucking Manhunt by Gretchen Felker Martin, which was such a bruh moment. I felt like you need the context of at least Infect Your Friends and Loved Ones to get it, but I also could not stop this guy reading it, I was so morbidly curious.

Guy concluded that it was Misogynistic and had too much sex in it, which was a big lmao to me. I guess he read this 'cause it says it's splatterpunk, and bro is big into S. Craig Zahler novels, but chat: Zahler writes books where "torture porn" is putting a live scorpion in a dude's stomach. It's entirely "woooooah bro!!!" spectacle, where Manhunt is an unflinching depiction of and engagement with extremely brutal trauma. A fuckin "check the cw's" kinda book. He fuckin noped out at like 30% lmao.

The other is that I forced my wife to read The Last Girl Scout by Natalie Ironside! That actually went acceptably, she kinda likes it, which is cool cause it's a nifty little (750 pages or w/e) book. This is the only time a weird, freaky, horrifying "A Novel" rec has worked out for me; I can recommend books all day, I'm Not Bad at it, but this specific category of "weird" books makes people recoil, which is funny. :::

As a note, I post at noon EDT every Monday. So you folks have about 7.5 hours to pump up those numbers

900 :)

::: spoiler more about the novel Paul Finally hit me: probably the most odd element about Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl, aside from clashing magical realism against a grungy 90s queer narrative, is that there is no textual acknowledgement of trans people. I know it's the 1990s, but think about Nevada, right? Maria Griffiths cannot ever shut the fuck up about her gender, and that's a common throughline, in Manhunt or Light From Uncommon Stars. (How intentional each case is and whether or not it's a flaw is subject to debate )

But despite the fact that Paul is very fucking much a book about gender, its author is nonbinary and I mean just look at it, its entire world is basically cisnormative and everything that it actually says about gender, everything that isn't Paul's goofy second-wave observations about gender, is uncharacteristically subtle. It is I guess more of a commentary on gender than a blog post about it.

this ones a little stranger than I had expected tbh

Edit: OKAY LOOK RIGHT

Paul loitered outside the door, pretending to study the posters announcing various benefits and open mics and documentaries of interest to the Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual community.

Feel that the textual exclusion of the T could equally be an artifact of the time as a deliberate prod, Idk. :::

Somehow I continue to accrue friend requests on Goodreads. I mean my profile is a horror show, a weird & kinda scary blending of pure weird shit and exclusively queer, but go off, let's be friends. I'm sure you won't find it weird when I leave a way overly personal review of some stupid litfic thing, right?

::: spoiler CW: Transphobia (but I'm laughing at transphobic quora chuds) So I was looking into neopronouns, since I don't really know much about them (and I was considering possibly using a set of them), and I ended up on a Quora thread. One person explained (somewhat) what they were, but another thread was recommended. According to many on this thread, only he/Him and she/her are acceptable for an individual, anything else is grammatically incorrect. Luckily I'm simply ✨better✨, so my first thought was "but what if somebody loses their phone" (the one person I've spoken to on this went speechless and then did self-crit). I know it's grammatically correct it's just funny to watch wannabe English professors go on Quora and say with such confidence that something is grammatically incorrect when it's not and never has been. :::

::: spoiler anyway... Can anybody tell me anything about neopronouns, if there are proper ways to use them, what specifically constitutes a neopronoun, etc. :::