I'm here to make this place even more trans

First?

This morning i had a really rough time; i had an earring fall out and the hole is too swollen to put a replacement, some old lady tried to run me off the road because she couldnt stay in her land during a turn, and i forgot to take my pills. All of it accumulated into a scream from deep down. Usually when i scream it feels so "man" and just makes me feel even worse after, but this one felt very feminine rage yelling. Im not sure what was different but it actually felt nice to yell for the first time in forever.

My chud ex-coworker outed another of my ex-coworkers to me and my parents at the restaurant I used to work at. I had to text someone I haven't had contact with in four years to let her know.

Hahaha, having men try to interact with me as a man is so fucking weird! I don't think I'll ever get used to it, even though it's going to keep happening for the rest of my life, because apparently I look like a man, despite being all of 5'0".

Like today a 60-70 year old drunk biker boomer guy at the bar I sometimes go to told me a whole ass story about how he used to get in fights all the time, and I tried my best to respond appropriately, pretending I knew what it was like to get into physical altercations with people, but like, I don't, because I was a girl during prime fighting years, so I have never been anywhere close to being in a physical fight with anyone.

Life is really fucking strange sometimes, you know?

::: spoiler talking about dysphoria? Sometimes I'm like, well maybe I'm not trans maybe I just want to shave and lose weight, that doesn't make a person trans? And then I go out in public and I'm like :cri: god damn why don't I look exactly like her. :::

down with cis

I've had two really weird bathroom accidents this past week and I'm starting to wonder how I've made it this far into life without just accidentally losing a limb or something similar. I gouged (literally gouged) my thumb off of a conditioner bottle. Today, I sliced up my elbow by accidentally raking it against a razor. Like...how? Just how? I swear I'm unlucky, but my wives will have you believe that I'm just a klutz

sometimes i tell my friends or people on the internet that i'm going to do things to get myself to do them because then i'd feel like a liar if i didn't

that being said, pride in (city) is coming up soon and I'm going to make the very, very bold decision to try and present femme in public for the first time there

Finally watched I Saw the TV Glow. Sobbed multiple times throughout the movie. I've been wanting to watch a movie, tv show about exactly this for so long; the struggles, the journey, the exploration of one's transness. Go watch it if you haven't already

I really need a haircut, haven't had one in about a decade. There's nothing actually stopping me from getting a haircut, and there are tons of trans-friendly places here to get a haircut within walking distance, and I would probably look pretty adorable with bangs, and it would make it easier for me to wear my cute cosplay wigs without squeezing my brain...

::: spoiler BDD ranting But I have such bad haircut anxiety. My dysmorphia goes so fucking nuts about my hair that I don't even like my bf touching it. There's nothing wrong with it, I have long pretty hair, but I still get worries that one day I'm just going to magically wake up looking like my dad even though I'm taking basically every medical measure to prevent that. :::

Anyways I think I'm gonna try and schedule something this weekend and then get really fucking stoned and hope the fun house clown mirror disease doesn't ruin my day.

holy fuck im so gay lmao why did i think i only liked one gender

I just finished my first full day of being out at work. It was pretty good, everyone was nice and such. It's interesting, I only contacted my manager and hr, but somehow everyone seemed to know what to call me. Ig some sort of email must have gone out, maybe it's better I can't see it tho lol.

The one big negative is beaurocracy. My name change is still in progress, and having a different name in different places is a big mess. I'm kind of stressed out about it.

came out to my brother today: approximately how it went:

"i don't- i don't know how to put this but uhh.. i'm uhh.. i'm trans"

"okay. this reminds me of this one league of legends youtuber i watch. hey look at that bird over there"

I'm starting to realize I'm at that point in my transition where I just straight don't think about it anymore. Sure my body still needs sculpted a bit by the HRT and my beard barely exists still, but I'm more or less happy at this point. Bottom surgery completed and top surgery consultation in a month. I'm not even super unhappy with my breasts either. They're just saggy and lopsided, but at least they look really good in a bra (and get stares >w>). But like...it's nice. Things have really come together and I'm very much looking forward to the future now. Something I didn't do in the past.

Signed my new lease and now i'm officially roomies with two queer people.

Also ended up with a bathroom that actually has a bathtub so I'm definitely gonna try out bath bombs at some point

Hey guys how did you get through the later phase of your transition where you can no longer suppress your cannibalistic urges? I keep eating people and I don't think this is sustainable anymore, I'm running out

Hello everyone, I hope you all have a nice week and happy pride!!! Much love!!! 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🥰🥰🥰🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️

welp. just bit the bullet and bought a fancy ass IPL. hopefully this thing works

in other news, any idea how to start looking for a place to do laser/electrolysis? this body/facial hair shit sucks and i want to get rid of it. does anyone know where to find ones where i don't have to lie about my name/gender?

Stubbed my toe and accidentally helped like a dog. Guess I'm transitioning to a dog. Already think being called a "bitch" is nice, so I guess that's fine.

^ me thinking about how I wish I was a girl

i don't feel very feminine, but tomorrow my hair will be just a little longer and i will have been on HRT just one more day. just got to be patient. it's working slowly :)

I've been on HRT for just over 5 months now.

Pros: It's been amazing, way better than I imagined. So many people said it's not gonna fix everything and things will still be difficult and it's not magic, but it definitely feels like magic to me. I have never in my life felt this happy or good about myself. It feels like things are finally sort of clicking into place.

Cons: Since boymoding makes me feel bad now, but I still have insecurities about going outside as a woman, I usually spend like 90+ minutes to get myself ready even if I'm just going to buy some groceries.

happy freaking pride month gang. just had the absolute stupidest night yesterday but it was also a lot of fun

i have got to actually work on transing my gender instead of just being sad about it

question: what's a 100% cis man reason to shave off all my arm hair? i want to do it but if I do, my coworkers will likely notice and I'd like to have a prepared answer for that

How do you all deal with dysphoria? For me, it's actually difficult to notice in the midst - even though it absolutely intrudes on my quality of life in severe ways, I only notice it when I mitigate it, and during extreme moments, like bigoted encounters. Because of this, there is a subtle, cumulative effect that begins to grow when I don't live within the bounds of my maintenance, presentation, and behavioral routines. The thing is, I absolutely resent, like loudly fucking HATE not being able to just be and exist and have that be okay. The fact that I have to mentally and physically reaffirm to myself nonstop, in every possible way, that I am feminine, is driving me insane. I just want to be, but if I do that, I end up becoming dysfunctional as dysphoria feeds into depression and the dropping of my routines, i retreat socially, and all kinds of functional behavior falls apart as dysphoria ramps up.

I have issues with my facial hair, which i can't afford to get removed right now, and there are surgeries i'd like, but I am mostly happy with what hormones have done by themselves to me physically. So body wise a lot is fine... However, in all matters social, I just want to ambiently "be", but I literally get miserable if I don't express my feminine side enough. If I don't keep myself dressed up, shaved, and able to look at myself and go "yeah you're a girl" to the mirror, and believe it, I fall the fuck apart.

I don't know if there are mental tricks, if there are ways to make myself comfortable with the work of constant self affirmation of my own femininity? I am aware this understanding of who I am and what I need is largely localized to my own experience, but I guess I'd like people's insight if this post resonates with you at all.

hair finally starting to feel vaguely long again. feels nice :)

Curse summer for being too hot to wear the outfits I want to wear

Seems I'm not aromantic after all. I just want to be in a lesbian romantic relationship so bad

Maybe this will be the year I finally try dating

holy fuck it's been like 6 weeks now and i'm like 98% sure at this point they've grown somewhat holy fuck

CW: body horror, fluids, blood and dysphoria:

::: spoiler spoiler So the last time I had a period was well over 5 years ago, guess what decided to happen today? Last time I had to deal with periods and PCOS grade cramps I had things called bathroom breaks at work and I could call out and not be penalized since PCOS is no joke and tbh gets messy fast, like soak through an overnight pad in blood as fast an hour, though thankfully that degree of heavy usually never lasted longer than a day. This job penalizes even if you're out dying of covid in the hospital.

Anyway, as a perpetual closer there are no bathroom breaks since no one else can back me up. To make matters worse I've gained weight from stress lately and I only have one fitting pair of black pants. I'm worried about how this is going to play out since when I still had them (years ago) I'd have the bleeding for up to weeks. I'm dreading the scoldings about smelling like blood already (got them at my last physical job) and also worried about the logistics, can't switch pads out if I get hit by a flood unlike I could then. I have a super long trip this week to get to the dentist (7am to coming home at 8pm), but at least I can swap out every 4hrs. Lastly, this is obviously a somewhat outing occurrence and I haven't been this worried since I got hit by the 1 pad an hour on a day I had 4 finals on back in college. I'm sure all this just happened due to having to drop my T dose due to losing insurance. :::

::: spoiler Discussion of transphobic phenomenon "Sex realist" is an interesting phrase. So-called "sex realists" call themselves that because they think they're acknowledging that sex is "real," right? But it reminds me of two other "realisms" - race realism and capitalist realism. Sex "realism" like race "realism" takes a couple actually existing traits about a given population like skin color or secondary sex characteristics, and runs wild with that, over-generalizing to the extreme and claiming bullshit about IQ, emotional disposition, etc. in order to prop up their fascist ideology. As for capitalist realism, well, it's quite apparent that for the "sex realists," it is easier for them to imagine the end of the world than it is to imagine the end of sex. Sex realists indeed... :::

Tried out tightlining recently, and I love how it makes my eyelashes appear fuller. Nice to finally have some makeup that doesn't take too much time or effort

::: spoiler talking about my tits again my nipples have now gotten so sore that i had to put on a bralette under my work shirt today. fortunately it's extremely well hidden, completely invisible underneath :))) :::

god i have to get started on laser. all this constant shaving has the bottom of my chin look like fucking Passchendaele

Starting I saw the TV Glow now, if I don't cry in the next hour and 40 minutes I will officially be cis and the manner settled.

why do i keep getting so scared and nervous even just watching trans voice lessons on youtube? forget following along, i can't even get myself to simply watch the videos, what the hell?

i watched i saw the glow earlier (it has torrents up for it now so go watch it if you havent yet) and i dont rly have words to describe how it effected me. but ive been on the verge of crying all day lmao

My girlfriend is on girl shots now ( ). I've never given an injection, but I want to be able to in case she needs help/can't do it herself/etc. does anyone have a guide or resources for how to give an injection?

There's so many transition related things I want to do, but my ADHD has been pretty bad lately. I just can't find the motivation to do anything other than lay in bed all day with my blåhaj

Feelings of dysphoria really bad the last couple of days. Making myself go buy a new outfit as a treat 🍭

Wheres the new mega