Hoping to hear everyone’s week went well this past week. Go out there and have a great week this week everyone!
kristina [she/her] - 2.1yr
a long time ago i bought a trans man a dick prosthetic and now that trans man is passing on the dick to another trans man that decided he wanted it (supposedly you can get them sanitized?)
i love the image of me just chain reacting the whole trans masc community with penises
33
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 2.1yr
This was my grand trans penis and now I pass it to you
12
RION [she/her] - 2.1yr
Is it bad that I'm kinda pogged about using my identity as a cudgel against liberals
"but you have to vote bloo! if you don't you're sacrificing queer people for your ego—""
"I am trans and I will not be voting for Joseph Robinette Biden Jr."
33
AutomatedPossum [she/her] - 2.1yr
You will quickly learn to hate how the cis moderate will continue to talk about you instead of with you even when you are actively engaged in a one on one conversation with them.
35
nathanfieldertulpa [she/her, it/its] - 2.1yr
19
Hestia [she/her, fae/faer] - 2.1yr
If you don't vote Biden, you ain't black trans
11
yuli [she/her] - 2.1yr
FINALLY ON HRT LETS FUCKING GOOOO
32
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.1yr
moved part of my stuff into new apartment, took my bed apart, will be sharing an apartment with 2 other trans women soon
wow i'm really nervous
31
Outdoor_Catgirl [she/her, they/them] - 2.1yr
::: spoiler venting abt transphobia
Transphobic assholes be like "your dead name will be on your grave stone" nah bitch please there will be no name on my gravestone I am going to end up in a mass grave the way you are making this country you do realize that
:::
30
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 2.1yr
My gravestone is gonna say
"Laugh while you can
You'll be down here soon"
17
SorosFootSoldier [he/him, they/them] - 2.1yr
Happy dead troops day!
29
BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 2.1yr
It's kinda funny how hard some labels are to apply on myself. Calling myself trans feels wrong, but saying I want to be transfem does not. I'll say all day how much I wish I was born a lesbian but calling myself a transwoman just makes me feel weird. But I can call myself an egg and that sits fine with me. but what do eggs hatch into
28
khizuo [ze/zir] - 2.1yr
It took me months into literally being out as nonbinary to most of my school before I finally felt comfortable enough to call myself “trans” without feeling like an imposter who didn’t deserve it. Labels are funny.
16
SnowySkyes - 2.1yr
I still feel like an imposter transwoman from time to time. It's an awful feeling. One would think I'd get over it at some point.
14
WalrusDragonOnABike [they/them] - 2.1yr
but what do eggs hatch into
Dragons? Dragons come from eggs right? Trans people too, so I guess its a 50/50 chance.
::: spoiler spoiler/CW
Tear says she's a dragon, for those who don't know. Wouldn't recommend the show - harem anime and the usual CWs with anime harems...
:::
4
BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 2.1yr
Ooh, an anime girl dragon not a fire breathing kind. I don't really watch anime, I know nothing about Tear.
I'm still down though.
4
TBooneChickens [she/her, she/her] - 2.1yr
I'm nonbinary transfem and I also don't relate to "woman". My identity really grew out from wanting people to not perceive me as a "man". I wanted to be a beautiful queer little femcreature that other queer femcreatures adore. As I experience femininity, particularly within cishet society, I find myself even more turned off by any expectations of gender, and emboldened in my own identity and selfexpression. It's a good thing 🫠
12
BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 2.1yr
I definitely relate a lot, abolish all gender.
9
QueerCommie [she/her, fae/faer] - 2.1yr
Sammmeee
11
MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 2.1yr
down with cis
27
Beetle_O_Rourke - 2.1yr
down with cis
22
SnowySkyes - 2.1yr
I’m being absolutely crushed by dysphoria right now and have been the last couple days.
::: spoiler Talk of dysphoria. Specifically childhood and lacking a uterus.
I can’t handle it right now. Everything I’ve done the last few days I swear has found a way to trigger my remaining dysphoria. I keep being reminded that my egg cracked in my 30s. That I started transitioning in my 30s. That I never had and never will have a proper childhood or any of the experiences therein. And then I keep being reminded that I can’t have children. I don’t have a uterus to carry a child. I am extremely unlikely to ever be able to adopt due to being a polyam transbian. I’ll never have the experience of raising a child and helping them experience the world and help them succeed in their lives. Never ever will I be able to.
:::
I just can’t all of this right now. With all of it being heavily exacerbated by PMDD and I’m just absolutely crippled by negative emotion right now. I want to cry, but I don’t want my partners to catch on. I’m also afraid how PMDD me will respond. I don’t want to inadvertently hurt anyone.
I got hate crimed and now I'm afraid to get on the train.
A couple weeks ago I was cornered on the light rail by a man screaming homophobic slurs at me and threatening to beat me if I said anything or looked at him. Pretty textbook homophobic hate crime, though the guy clearly had some mental health stuff going on. He then got off on the next stop, fortunately, but I'm still pretty shook by the whole situation. Particularly, that this was a pretty full train car and nobody did anything to try and stand up for me - everyone just kept glued to their phones during and after, leaving me to get off the train a crying mess a few stops later. I can't even blame people for not intervening in the moment - there have been a few high-profile stabbings here of good samaritans confronting bigots - but the fact that everyone ignored it after as well... I still think I live in maybe the best city on earth to be trans, but that was devastating.
I got back to work and my team was super supportive, boss drove me home, it was nice. It was also right before my planned vacation with the bf's family, so I got to start that a day early.
But when I returned to work this morning, I realized I'm still kind of scared. My normal bus to work is usually crowded enough that nobody can get up to anything, but I used to really prefer the rail and now I don't know if I can keep riding it. I want to stop at the store to grab groceries on my way home, but that would mean getting on the big unprotected train car and idk if I'm up for that.
Shit sucks. I've been out since 2008 and experienced lots of little transphobic aggressions, but this is the worst I've ever dealt with and the only time to really stick to me like this.
:::
In brighter news the rest of this month has been lovely. I went to my bf's hometown to spend a week with his family, came home and got super fucking sick (that part was actually awful, I was bedridden with a double ear infection), but got better just in time for us to spend a weekend at the beach with my family. Feels good finally having a partner where both families like us, very new to me.
26
Kiagz [she/her] - 2.1yr
Finally started voice training, can't wait to have a cute girl voice!
26
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 2.1yr
I have one! Well, maybe just girl lol.
I talked about it in the last thread but I've also "lost" my boy voice which was mildly disconcerting. Abigail (philosophy tube) did a video recently where she attempted her boy voice but it just sounded like a girl faking a dude voice badly. And now, it fuckin happened to me too lmao
21
AutomatedPossum [she/her] - 2.1yr
Happened to me as well even though i barely bothered to push voice training beyond the androgynous range. Cis people think of their voice as this set-in-stone natural thing and everything else as a form of faking, but a voice is actually just a learned way to use the most complex instrument built into the human body. It's very easy to forget the exact mannerisms you trained yourself for, because that wasn't your natural default voice, it was a learned way of speaking just like the one you learn when you transition.
12
Hestia [she/her, fae/faer] - 2.1yr
Actually had a decent conversation come from grindr and got her phone number so we could talk without being bombarded by dick pics constantly. A fellow transwoman and she seems pretty rad.
26
Hestia [she/her, fae/faer] - 2.1yr
Update: got a cute date Saturday
28
🎀 Seryph (She/Her) - 2.1yr
Is there a better feeling than putting on a simple femme outfit and lazing about at home all day while the euphoria washes over you? I don't think there is.
26
grym - 2.1yr
Let's go i got my first appointment to start HRT in like 2 weeks !!
25
BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 2.1yr
That's so exciting :meow-bounce:
13
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.1yr
::: spoiler mention of tits
looked in the mirror and my nipples were poking through my bralette and my thick-ish pajama sweater
:::
24
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.1yr
::: spoiler spoiler
hey do they look a little bigger? why do they look bigger? am i going crazy or are they slightly bigger?. I started HRT a little less than a month ago they can't be bigger already, right???
:::
20
🎀 Seryph (She/Her) - 2.1yr
They definitely might be, mine had become noticeable a little over a month and a half after starting. Either way if it is nothing it won't be soon!
17
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 2.1yr
I had a crush on boxxy when I was in middle school but looking back... I think it was gender envy lmao
24
catter [comrade/them, she/her] - 2.1yr
Got maam'd yesterday because of my hair 💖 completely boymoding, so got sir'd as soon as I turned around, but I will take it anyway haha
23
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.1yr
23
Tommasi [she/her, pup/pup's] - 2.1yr
Randomly bumped into a pre-transition friend while fully fem-presenting and he was completely normal about it and we just chatted for a while.
I'm usually a bit nervous about meeting old friends in case some of them are weird about it, but at the same time it's so fun when I can show them the real me and how far I've come.
22
Jenniferrr [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.1yr
Cw vent.
::: spoiler spoiler
Was hanging with some people tonight and I got misgendered... again. It really feels like it happens constantly, and from people I've had many interactions with. Even when I'm wearing super femme clothing, it's happening. The only people who see me are other trans people. Frankly idk if I made a mistake. This used to not hurt me as bad but now it is. It feels like I'm making no progress. The only positive here is that I can look at myself in the mirror. But like... I just don't exude "Woman". I wish I did. Bit I really seem to not. It's just frustrating
:::
22
SnowySkyes - 2.1yr
::: spoiler ネタバレ
Since they're people you seem to hang with relatively often, why not let them know how much it hurts you? People are generally open to altering their behavior for people they spend time around. Sure, not everyone is, but it can't hurt. At least if they're little shits about it, you can tell them to piss off.
And you didn't make a mistake. Always keep in mind why you started on this path to begin with. Don't lose sight of the end goal. Just because you're not where you want to be now doesn't mean that you won't be there someday. After all, I think a lot of us forget that HRT takes a godsdamned long time to do its thing. Even I, at almost 22 months along, still haven't seen all that much fat redistribution. It will come, but it might take a couple more years for me. You got this. Just keep strong.
:::
16
Jenniferrr [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.1yr
So i did get an apology from the person and i legit forgive her. But liek, it still doesnt change the fact that this is how im seen. Im just seen as a guy, probably by everyone. I get he/him'd when im in makeup and wearing a dress. I think it's just my vibe or something idk. Im more masculine than i see myself in my head. It is what it is.
And as for the reason i transitioned. It's a bit tough because I'm only now kinda coming to the realization that I have some form of OCD. This is super confusing because I've had intrusive thoughts and anxieties my entire life. And I've had a lot of self realization s that all feel the same at the beginning- they feel like anxiety. I've had multiple of these where like, I thought I was mentally handicapped, I thought I was gay (I am gay In a Bi way, and I figured that out, so I was kinda right), I thought I was a psychopath (I'm not but I couldn't get it out of my head).
Then I thought I was trans (I think I am..) I have had more of these that I know are false but like, it throws any ability to do self realization out the window because I can't trust my own brain, wants, feelings, etc. Like, what if being trans was just an intrusive thought and I ran with it? It could be that being cis is my actual obsession that I can't get out of my head, I deeply am afraid that I am cis, but like also everyone around me just ends up seeing me as a guy, so maybe they're right? Its all so confusing. I just want my brain to calm down :(
11
khizuo [ze/zir] - 2.1yr
Repeatedly questioning one's sexual orientation/gender identity is a common OCD theme. Throughout high school I was terrified that I wasn't actually bi and I was just a straight person imagining it for attention. I also had a period where I was scared that I wasn't really trans (a very cis thought to have, of course.) I totally understand how OCD can just mess with your brain and make things confusing. It's something that I think is really not discussed enough with OCD — the loss of identity one can feel from just the volume and intensity of it all. I believe in you though, and things won't always be this way.
10
Jenniferrr [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.1yr
Yeah I've been trying to identify ego dystonic feelings to identify what is OCD and what isn't (this only works so much though because the more I think about it the more I can't identify what's real and what isnt).
But I definitely am way more scared I'm cis than I am scared that I'm gonna have to continue living as a trans woman. Like I want to live as a trans woman, I want to be a woman. My fears are really that I'm not going to be able to for whatever reason and then I'll have to detransition. Which is a pretty trans fear to have also. Like it would be logistically way easier for me to be cis and live as a cis man forever. The world would be set up for me.
9
khizuo [ze/zir] - 2.1yr
this only works so much though because the more I think about it the more I can't identify what's real and what isnt
Yeah, it really messes with you like that. If you find yourself ruminating a lot on your thoughts, it might be a mental compulsion; of course idk your specific brain experience though, I'm just speaking from my own. I'm really sorry that you're experiencing all of this rn and I hope things get better soon
4
Jenniferrr [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.1yr
Rumination is my main compulsion, as well as obsessively researching and Googling to sooth my fears. Usually when I get stuck in these loops I am stuck for 3-5 hours before I can pull myself out :(
And yeah its a process I really hope so too though :/
3
WalrusDragonOnABike [they/them] - 2.1yr
Relatable. I was much more wrong about my sexuality for like a decade (and it wasn't just assuming I was hetero either) before realizing I was wrong. Definitely makes me more hesitant to believe myself or tell others about my gender or sexuality. Can also relate to worrying about whether I might be a psychopath, but generally just assumed it was an autism thing and now realizing it was probably more of a dissociation thing.
Hopefully you can learn to trust yourself and get to where you want with presentation.
9
Jenniferrr [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.1yr
Getting kinda concerned about project 2025 honestly.
21
BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 2.1yr
It has me very concerned. This is a fascist country.
16
Hestia [she/her, fae/faer] - 2.1yr
10
Tommasi [she/her, pup/pup's] - 2.1yr
Got some padded push up bras and it feels like I'm cheating a bit, but they have such an amazing impact on my silhouette, I love it so much. Hope I'll just look like this naturally in a year or two.
21
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.1yr
::: spoiler more HRT talk
Is my ass supposed to be sore? My ass feels sore and the only reasons that it could be are either a. me walking up more hills in the neighborhood than usual or b. hrt
:::
21
EpicKebabEater [he/him, it/its] - 2.1yr
::: spoiler answer
I think it's more to do with walks since the main thing E does to ass is stacking fat which doesn't really have a feeling to it.
:::
12
🎀 Seryph (She/Her) - 2.1yr
Fuck it I think I might actually try a dating app. Is there any app that isn't completely terrible for trans women?
I'm sorry what did I just read. Is this seriously a 4chan dating app.
6
AcidLeaves [they/them, he/him] - 2.1yr
ya, it blew up after ppl on twt found it lmao. it's a dumpster fire of chronically online fascists
6
🎀 Seryph (She/Her) - 2.1yr
Wtf it worked???????!!!!?????
I just had a great first date with a cute trans girl on there who luckily isn't that 4chan-y. I didn't expect this at all I was using it on a random bored whim. So uhhh, thank you for sending me the 4chan femcel dating app I guess it seemed to have worked somehow.
(Every person outside of this one who messaged me was a big red flag though so I guess I just got really lucky)
1
iridaniotter [she/her] - 2.1yr
Something like 8 years on E. Is it time to try fem clothes?
20
BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 2.1yr
::: spoiler Maybe give it another couple years. Wouldn't want to take things too quickly.
Of course!
:::
16
Kiagz [she/her] - 2.1yr
Uhh, I just noticed that my posture when standing up is different now. My centre of balance seems to have shifted forward a bit. Also my back is more curved and my ass more pronounced 😳 And my legs just kinda close on their own, it's actually the most comfortable way to sit now. This has to be hip rotation / pelvic tilt, right??
20
Hestia [she/her, fae/faer] - 2.1yr
How long have you been on HRT? I'm hoping for this soon cause I hate "manspreading"
15
Kiagz [she/her] - 2.1yr
Little over 9 months now. Haven't been able to find much info on this, but I saw some people claim that it can take anywhere between 9 months to 2 years for this to occur. Oh, and I recently switched to another estrogen type, so maybe that did something?
16
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 2.1yr
It'd a thing!
13
Jenniferrr [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.1yr
How long have you been on HRT? I have gotten none of that :/
10
Kiagz [she/her] - 2.1yr
I'm 9 months in. This stuff is just so unpredictable, there's so many other changes I thought would happen before this
10
Pluto [he/him, he/him] - 2.1yr
The more I think about being trans the more i like it
19
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 2.1yr
It's pretty cool, I love it!
14
Pluto [he/him, he/him] - 2.1yr
fuck yeah
13
Ocommie63 [she/her] - 2.1yr
Hey everyone!!! I hope yous will have a great week this week, much love!!! 🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🥰🥰🥰🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️
19
Washburn [she/her] - 2.1yr
wtf my eyebrows got higher? Like they got thin on the outside and then filled in but up higher?
19
heartheartbreak [fae/faer] - 2.1yr
I saw the tv glow today it was so fucking gooddddddddd
19
SnowySkyes - 2.1yr
Migraines are the least fun thing in existence and whoever invented them can fuck off. Same goes for PMS. Both can go to hell.
18
regularassbitch [she/her] - 2.1yr
is it more important to be visible or to be comfortable
18
SnowySkyes - 2.1yr
Final follow-up was today! I healed super well and will need no further appointments. I’m so happy to say the least. I really needed to get such good news after the last few days.
17
MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 2.1yr
Congratulations! You did it!
13
milistanaccount09 [she/her] - 2.1yr
Was just chatting with some trans girls and apparently some ppl still have breast growth many years into HRT, so it's pretty probable you're never 'screwed' in terms of breast growth
16
MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 2.1yr
I nailed eyeliner for the first time today!
16
MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 2.1yr
First pride month trans!
16
Hestia [she/her, fae/faer] - 2.1yr
I'm thankful that my workplace is mostly accepting, and that if any guests try to fuck with me I get to personally kick them out.
16
khizuo [ze/zir] - 2.1yr
I actually find it hard to wrap my head around the fact that there are people out there who don’t want to trans their genders. Even back when I thought I was cis (lol) I was like “well being trans would be so fun and interesting. Too bad I’m not trans…”
16
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.1yr
been feeling extra hungry lately. i heard that's a good sign the fat redistribution is working
15
Ocommie63 [she/her] - 2.1yr
Me to (Im not on HRT yet, Im just hungy)
15
SnowySkyes - 2.1yr
If it is, lemme know so I can complain to someone. I’ve barely had any redistribution to date.
13
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.1yr
please address all your complaints to Jane Estrogen, inventor of tiddy skittles
13
SnowySkyes - 2.1yr
Dear Jane Estrogen,
Give me an ass and hips. I've been a good girl and think I deserve it. Thanks.
Forever appreciative, SnowySkyes
11
Hestia [she/her, fae/faer] - 2.1yr
consume
Thanks for the excuse to continue being a total glutton
11
Tommasi [she/her, pup/pup's] - 2.1yr
I have an intense urge to be cuddled and worked up the courage to make a dating profile, despite being super nervous about being trans on a dating app.
I instantly match with some guy.
He just sends "Hi", "horny?", then a picture.
Definitely not opening that.
This was a terrible idea, I panic and delete my profile.
oh boy, i sure do hope that's the estrogen making me more feminine
me @ literally any inexplicable twitch in my body that i can't 100% explain
15
GunslingerSky [she/her] - 2.1yr
losing my balance
getting vision loss in my eyes
face drooping
arms and legs getting weak
speech is slurred
This estrogen shit seems to be working pretty well
12
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.1yr
9
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.1yr
move into house with 2 other trans girls
look in fridge
3 jars of pickles
yeah this is a trans girl house
14
Ocommie63 [she/her] - 2.1yr
Im glad its going well 😊😊😊
11
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.1yr
Moved in most of my shit, will move the rest of it in a few hours once this D&D session is done because my place still doesn't have the internet. Should be 100% moved by tonight though
9
Ocommie63 [she/her] - 2.1yr
Awesome +2 for dnd
9
SnowySkyes - 2.1yr
Oh? Is this a thing? With three transwomen in my household, 2 of us just eat pickles out of a jar.
10
iridaniotter [she/her] - 2.1yr
Can a transfeminine person be transmisogyny-exempt?
I am guessing "no" and that a transfem who hasn't been affected by transmisogyny is simply lucky and still has that specter forever lurking over their shoulder. But I am interested in what other people think.
14
yuli [she/her] - 2.1yr
transphobia doesn’t just address any empirical transgender individual or group (although sometimes they’ll mark a distinction between real “transsexuals” and “transtrenders” who are indoctrinated by gender ideology) in as much as it attacks the sense in being transgender itself. their rhetoric addresses you even if you aren’t around to hear it, their legislation addresses you even if you are made the exception, and their violence targets you even if you’re lucky enough not to feel it.
12
iridaniotter [she/her] - 2.1yr
Transmisogyny is a specific form of misogyny that targets transfeminine people, as well as a specific type of transphobia. It's not simply transphobia towards transfeminine people. All trans people are transphobia-affected, but not all trans people are transmisogyny-affected. For example, trans women being pushed into sex work (second type womanhood) is one result of transmisogyny, while anti-transmasculinity takes on the form of patriarchal society trying to detransition trans men and force them to be mothers and wives (first type womanhood). Both are obviously transphobia. The broad concept of transphobia is useful, but sometimes more precision is necessary.
13
yuli [she/her] - 2.1yr
yeah you’re right i shouldn’t have used them interchangeably, but i think that otherwise my point still stands right?
6
iridaniotter [she/her] - 2.1yr
I think so...
6
Outdoor_Catgirl [she/her, they/them] - 2.1yr
Has not experienced ≠ can not experience
10
WIIHAPPYFEW [any, any] - 2.1yr
t4t cuddle session whennnn 😵💫
14
WIIHAPPYFEW [any, any] - 2.1yr
God I’m just touchstarved rn
14
Ocommie63 [she/her] - 2.1yr
Same 😢😢😢
12
khizuo [ze/zir] - 2.1yr
HAPPY PRIDE MONTH EVERYONE
13
SnowySkyes - 2.1yr
12
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.1yr
i was loudly complaining about how much i hated being cis as young as 14. how the fuck did it take this long for it to click for me
13
Cromalin [she/her] - 2.1yr
new unjust depths chapter
::: spoiler spoiler
:::
13
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.1yr
today's fun emotions: so sad i want to throw up 🤮
12
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.1yr
actually hang on i'm not sad anymore but i am really nauseous. can't... can't trans women get something close to a period? isn't nausea one of those things you can get on your period? ah fuck
12
catter [comrade/them, she/her] - 2.1yr
In a weird state where I keep thinking maybe I'm not trans and then literally just seeing a girl in the mirror lol. Is this acceptance? Where I'm not even thinking about it actively anymore, I just see the me I want to?
SnowySkyes in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
Trans Megathread for the Week of 5/27 - 6/2
Hoping to hear everyone’s week went well this past week. Go out there and have a great week this week everyone!
a long time ago i bought a trans man a dick prosthetic and now that trans man is passing on the dick to another trans man that decided he wanted it (supposedly you can get them sanitized?)
i love the image of me just chain reacting the whole trans masc community with penises
This was my grand trans penis and now I pass it to you
Is it bad that I'm kinda pogged about using my identity as a cudgel against liberals
You will quickly learn to hate how the cis moderate will continue to talk about you instead of with you even when you are actively engaged in a one on one conversation with them.
If you don't vote Biden, you ain't
blacktransFINALLY ON HRT LETS FUCKING GOOOO
moved part of my stuff into new apartment, took my bed apart, will be sharing an apartment with 2 other trans women soon
wow i'm really nervous
::: spoiler venting abt transphobia Transphobic assholes be like "your dead name will be on your grave stone" nah bitch please there will be no name on my gravestone I am going to end up in a mass grave the way you are making this country you do realize that :::
My gravestone is gonna say
"Laugh while you can
You'll be down here soon"
Happy dead troops day!
It's kinda funny how hard some labels are to apply on myself. Calling myself trans feels wrong, but saying I want to be transfem does not. I'll say all day how much I wish I was born a lesbian but calling myself a transwoman just makes me feel weird. But I can call myself an egg and that sits fine with me. but what do eggs hatch into
It took me months into literally being out as nonbinary to most of my school before I finally felt comfortable enough to call myself “trans” without feeling like an imposter who didn’t deserve it. Labels are funny.
I still feel like an imposter transwoman from time to time. It's an awful feeling. One would think I'd get over it at some point.
Dragons? Dragons come from eggs right? Trans people too, so I guess its a 50/50 chance.
Labels are weird and annoying.
:sicko-wistful: I guess we'll see
The type of dragon I was thinking of: https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/juuou-mujin-no-fafnir/images/d/d2/Tear_Lightning.png/
::: spoiler spoiler/CW Tear says she's a dragon, for those who don't know. Wouldn't recommend the show - harem anime and the usual CWs with anime harems...
:::
Ooh, an anime girl dragon not a fire breathing kind. I don't really watch anime, I know nothing about Tear.
I'm still down though.
I'm nonbinary transfem and I also don't relate to "woman". My identity really grew out from wanting people to not perceive me as a "man". I wanted to be a beautiful queer little femcreature that other queer femcreatures adore. As I experience femininity, particularly within cishet society, I find myself even more turned off by any expectations of gender, and emboldened in my own identity and selfexpression. It's a good thing 🫠
I definitely relate a lot, abolish all gender.
Sammmeee
down with cis
down with cis
I’m being absolutely crushed by dysphoria right now and have been the last couple days.
::: spoiler Talk of dysphoria. Specifically childhood and lacking a uterus. I can’t handle it right now. Everything I’ve done the last few days I swear has found a way to trigger my remaining dysphoria. I keep being reminded that my egg cracked in my 30s. That I started transitioning in my 30s. That I never had and never will have a proper childhood or any of the experiences therein. And then I keep being reminded that I can’t have children. I don’t have a uterus to carry a child. I am extremely unlikely to ever be able to adopt due to being a polyam transbian. I’ll never have the experience of raising a child and helping them experience the world and help them succeed in their lives. Never ever will I be able to. :::
I just can’t all of this right now. With all of it being heavily exacerbated by PMDD and I’m just absolutely crippled by negative emotion right now. I want to cry, but I don’t want my partners to catch on. I’m also afraid how PMDD me will respond. I don’t want to inadvertently hurt anyone.
https://lemmygrad.ml/pictrs/image/2ecad3e0-01fe-4462-9094-d88358443f7e.png
::: spoiler CW: transphobia, violence
I got hate crimed and now I'm afraid to get on the train.
A couple weeks ago I was cornered on the light rail by a man screaming homophobic slurs at me and threatening to beat me if I said anything or looked at him. Pretty textbook homophobic hate crime, though the guy clearly had some mental health stuff going on. He then got off on the next stop, fortunately, but I'm still pretty shook by the whole situation. Particularly, that this was a pretty full train car and nobody did anything to try and stand up for me - everyone just kept glued to their phones during and after, leaving me to get off the train a crying mess a few stops later. I can't even blame people for not intervening in the moment - there have been a few high-profile stabbings here of good samaritans confronting bigots - but the fact that everyone ignored it after as well... I still think I live in maybe the best city on earth to be trans, but that was devastating.
I got back to work and my team was super supportive, boss drove me home, it was nice. It was also right before my planned vacation with the bf's family, so I got to start that a day early.
But when I returned to work this morning, I realized I'm still kind of scared. My normal bus to work is usually crowded enough that nobody can get up to anything, but I used to really prefer the rail and now I don't know if I can keep riding it. I want to stop at the store to grab groceries on my way home, but that would mean getting on the big unprotected train car and idk if I'm up for that.
Shit sucks. I've been out since 2008 and experienced lots of little transphobic aggressions, but this is the worst I've ever dealt with and the only time to really stick to me like this. :::
In brighter news the rest of this month has been lovely. I went to my bf's hometown to spend a week with his family, came home and got super fucking sick (that part was actually awful, I was bedridden with a double ear infection), but got better just in time for us to spend a weekend at the beach with my family. Feels good finally having a partner where both families like us, very new to me.
Finally started voice training, can't wait to have a cute girl voice!
I have one! Well, maybe just girl lol.
I talked about it in the last thread but I've also "lost" my boy voice which was mildly disconcerting. Abigail (philosophy tube) did a video recently where she attempted her boy voice but it just sounded like a girl faking a dude voice badly. And now, it fuckin happened to me too lmao
Happened to me as well even though i barely bothered to push voice training beyond the androgynous range. Cis people think of their voice as this set-in-stone natural thing and everything else as a form of faking, but a voice is actually just a learned way to use the most complex instrument built into the human body. It's very easy to forget the exact mannerisms you trained yourself for, because that wasn't your natural default voice, it was a learned way of speaking just like the one you learn when you transition.
Actually had a decent conversation come from grindr and got her phone number so we could talk without being bombarded by dick pics constantly. A fellow transwoman and she seems pretty rad.
Update: got a cute date Saturday
Is there a better feeling than putting on a simple femme outfit and lazing about at home all day while the euphoria washes over you? I don't think there is.
Let's go i got my first appointment to start HRT in like 2 weeks !!
That's so exciting :meow-bounce:
::: spoiler mention of tits looked in the mirror and my nipples were poking through my bralette and my thick-ish pajama sweater
:::
::: spoiler spoiler hey do they look a little bigger? why do they look bigger? am i going crazy or are they slightly bigger?. I started HRT a little less than a month ago they can't be bigger already, right???
:::
They definitely might be, mine had become noticeable a little over a month and a half after starting. Either way if it is nothing it won't be soon!
I had a crush on boxxy when I was in middle school but looking back... I think it was gender envy lmao
Got maam'd yesterday because of my hair 💖 completely boymoding, so got sir'd as soon as I turned around, but I will take it anyway haha
Randomly bumped into a pre-transition friend while fully fem-presenting and he was completely normal about it and we just chatted for a while.
I'm usually a bit nervous about meeting old friends in case some of them are weird about it, but at the same time it's so fun when I can show them the real me and how far I've come.
Cw vent. ::: spoiler spoiler Was hanging with some people tonight and I got misgendered... again. It really feels like it happens constantly, and from people I've had many interactions with. Even when I'm wearing super femme clothing, it's happening. The only people who see me are other trans people. Frankly idk if I made a mistake. This used to not hurt me as bad but now it is. It feels like I'm making no progress. The only positive here is that I can look at myself in the mirror. But like... I just don't exude "Woman". I wish I did. Bit I really seem to not. It's just frustrating
:::
::: spoiler ネタバレ Since they're people you seem to hang with relatively often, why not let them know how much it hurts you? People are generally open to altering their behavior for people they spend time around. Sure, not everyone is, but it can't hurt. At least if they're little shits about it, you can tell them to piss off.
And you didn't make a mistake. Always keep in mind why you started on this path to begin with. Don't lose sight of the end goal. Just because you're not where you want to be now doesn't mean that you won't be there someday. After all, I think a lot of us forget that HRT takes a godsdamned long time to do its thing. Even I, at almost 22 months along, still haven't seen all that much fat redistribution. It will come, but it might take a couple more years for me. You got this. Just keep strong.
:::
So i did get an apology from the person and i legit forgive her. But liek, it still doesnt change the fact that this is how im seen. Im just seen as a guy, probably by everyone. I get he/him'd when im in makeup and wearing a dress. I think it's just my vibe or something idk. Im more masculine than i see myself in my head. It is what it is.
And as for the reason i transitioned. It's a bit tough because I'm only now kinda coming to the realization that I have some form of OCD. This is super confusing because I've had intrusive thoughts and anxieties my entire life. And I've had a lot of self realization s that all feel the same at the beginning- they feel like anxiety. I've had multiple of these where like, I thought I was mentally handicapped, I thought I was gay (I am gay In a Bi way, and I figured that out, so I was kinda right), I thought I was a psychopath (I'm not but I couldn't get it out of my head).
Then I thought I was trans (I think I am..) I have had more of these that I know are false but like, it throws any ability to do self realization out the window because I can't trust my own brain, wants, feelings, etc. Like, what if being trans was just an intrusive thought and I ran with it? It could be that being cis is my actual obsession that I can't get out of my head, I deeply am afraid that I am cis, but like also everyone around me just ends up seeing me as a guy, so maybe they're right? Its all so confusing. I just want my brain to calm down :(
Repeatedly questioning one's sexual orientation/gender identity is a common OCD theme. Throughout high school I was terrified that I wasn't actually bi and I was just a straight person imagining it for attention. I also had a period where I was scared that I wasn't really trans (a very cis thought to have, of course.) I totally understand how OCD can just mess with your brain and make things confusing. It's something that I think is really not discussed enough with OCD — the loss of identity one can feel from just the volume and intensity of it all. I believe in you though, and things won't always be this way.
Yeah I've been trying to identify ego dystonic feelings to identify what is OCD and what isn't (this only works so much though because the more I think about it the more I can't identify what's real and what isnt).
But I definitely am way more scared I'm cis than I am scared that I'm gonna have to continue living as a trans woman. Like I want to live as a trans woman, I want to be a woman. My fears are really that I'm not going to be able to for whatever reason and then I'll have to detransition. Which is a pretty trans fear to have also. Like it would be logistically way easier for me to be cis and live as a cis man forever. The world would be set up for me.
Yeah, it really messes with you like that. If you find yourself ruminating a lot on your thoughts, it might be a mental compulsion; of course idk your specific brain experience though, I'm just speaking from my own. I'm really sorry that you're experiencing all of this rn and I hope things get better soon
Rumination is my main compulsion, as well as obsessively researching and Googling to sooth my fears. Usually when I get stuck in these loops I am stuck for 3-5 hours before I can pull myself out :(
And yeah its a process I really hope so too though :/
Relatable. I was much more wrong about my sexuality for like a decade (and it wasn't just assuming I was hetero either) before realizing I was wrong. Definitely makes me more hesitant to believe myself or tell others about my gender or sexuality. Can also relate to worrying about whether I might be a psychopath, but generally just assumed it was an autism thing and now realizing it was probably more of a dissociation thing.
Hopefully you can learn to trust yourself and get to where you want with presentation.
Getting kinda concerned about project 2025 honestly.
It has me very concerned. This is a fascist country.
Got some padded push up bras and it feels like I'm cheating a bit, but they have such an amazing impact on my silhouette, I love it so much. Hope I'll just look like this naturally in a year or two.
::: spoiler more HRT talk Is my ass supposed to be sore? My ass feels sore and the only reasons that it could be are either a. me walking up more hills in the neighborhood than usual or b. hrt :::
::: spoiler answer I think it's more to do with walks since the main thing E does to ass is stacking fat which doesn't really have a feeling to it. :::
Fuck it I think I might actually try a dating app. Is there any app that isn't completely terrible for trans women?
https://duolicious.app
I'm sorry what did I just read. Is this seriously a 4chan dating app.
ya, it blew up after ppl on twt found it lmao. it's a dumpster fire of chronically online fascists
Wtf it worked???????!!!!????? I just had a great first date with a cute trans girl on there who luckily isn't that 4chan-y. I didn't expect this at all I was using it on a random bored whim. So uhhh, thank you for sending me the 4chan femcel dating app I guess it seemed to have worked somehow. (Every person outside of this one who messaged me was a big red flag though so I guess I just got really lucky)
Something like 8 years on E. Is it time to try fem clothes?
::: spoiler Maybe give it another couple years. Wouldn't want to take things too quickly. Of course! :::
Uhh, I just noticed that my posture when standing up is different now. My centre of balance seems to have shifted forward a bit. Also my back is more curved and my ass more pronounced 😳 And my legs just kinda close on their own, it's actually the most comfortable way to sit now. This has to be hip rotation / pelvic tilt, right??
How long have you been on HRT? I'm hoping for this soon cause I hate "manspreading"
Little over 9 months now. Haven't been able to find much info on this, but I saw some people claim that it can take anywhere between 9 months to 2 years for this to occur. Oh, and I recently switched to another estrogen type, so maybe that did something?
It'd a thing!
How long have you been on HRT? I have gotten none of that :/
I'm 9 months in. This stuff is just so unpredictable, there's so many other changes I thought would happen before this
The more I think about being trans the more i like it
It's pretty cool, I love it!
fuck yeah
Hey everyone!!! I hope yous will have a great week this week, much love!!! 🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🥰🥰🥰🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️
wtf my eyebrows got higher? Like they got thin on the outside and then filled in but up higher?
I saw the tv glow today it was so fucking gooddddddddd
Migraines are the least fun thing in existence and whoever invented them can fuck off. Same goes for PMS. Both can go to hell.
is it more important to be visible or to be comfortable
Final follow-up was today! I healed super well and will need no further appointments. I’m so happy to say the least. I really needed to get such good news after the last few days.
Congratulations! You did it!
Was just chatting with some trans girls and apparently some ppl still have breast growth many years into HRT, so it's pretty probable you're never 'screwed' in terms of breast growth
I nailed eyeliner for the first time today!
First pride month trans!
I'm thankful that my workplace is mostly accepting, and that if any guests try to fuck with me I get to personally kick them out.
I actually find it hard to wrap my head around the fact that there are people out there who don’t want to trans their genders. Even back when I thought I was cis (lol) I was like “well being trans would be so fun and interesting. Too bad I’m not trans…”
been feeling extra hungry lately. i heard that's a good sign the fat redistribution is working
Me to (Im not on HRT yet, Im just hungy)
If it is, lemme know so I can complain to someone. I’ve barely had any redistribution to date.
please address all your complaints to Jane Estrogen, inventor of tiddy skittles
Dear Jane Estrogen,
Give me an ass and hips. I've been a good girl and think I deserve it. Thanks.
Forever appreciative, SnowySkyes
consume
Thanks for the excuse to continue being a total glutton
I have an intense urge to be cuddled and worked up the courage to make a dating profile, despite being super nervous about being trans on a dating app.
I instantly match with some guy.
He just sends "Hi", "horny?", then a picture.
Definitely not opening that.
This was a terrible idea, I panic and delete my profile.
Still have not been cuddled.
https://lemmygrad.ml/pictrs/image/a77ecc3a-cae0-4c1e-8fbd-71348d6a8ebd.png
new job is fun i hate it
WHADDYA MEAN I HAVE TO GO TOMORROW TOO????????
me @ literally any inexplicable twitch in my body that i can't 100% explain
This estrogen shit seems to be working pretty well
yeah this is a trans girl house
Im glad its going well 😊😊😊
Moved in most of my shit, will move the rest of it in a few hours once this D&D session is done because my place still doesn't have the internet. Should be 100% moved by tonight though
Awesome +2 for dnd
Oh? Is this a thing? With three transwomen in my household, 2 of us just eat pickles out of a jar.
Can a transfeminine person be transmisogyny-exempt?
I am guessing "no" and that a transfem who hasn't been affected by transmisogyny is simply lucky and still has that specter forever lurking over their shoulder. But I am interested in what other people think.
transphobia doesn’t just address any empirical transgender individual or group (although sometimes they’ll mark a distinction between real “transsexuals” and “transtrenders” who are indoctrinated by gender ideology) in as much as it attacks the sense in being transgender itself. their rhetoric addresses you even if you aren’t around to hear it, their legislation addresses you even if you are made the exception, and their violence targets you even if you’re lucky enough not to feel it.
Transmisogyny is a specific form of misogyny that targets transfeminine people, as well as a specific type of transphobia. It's not simply transphobia towards transfeminine people. All trans people are transphobia-affected, but not all trans people are transmisogyny-affected. For example, trans women being pushed into sex work (second type womanhood) is one result of transmisogyny, while anti-transmasculinity takes on the form of patriarchal society trying to detransition trans men and force them to be mothers and wives (first type womanhood). Both are obviously transphobia. The broad concept of transphobia is useful, but sometimes more precision is necessary.
yeah you’re right i shouldn’t have used them interchangeably, but i think that otherwise my point still stands right?
I think so...
Has not experienced ≠ can not experience
t4t cuddle session whennnn 😵💫
God I’m just touchstarved rn
Same 😢😢😢
HAPPY PRIDE MONTH EVERYONE
i was loudly complaining about how much i hated being cis as young as 14. how the fuck did it take this long for it to click for me
new unjust depths chapter ::: spoiler spoiler
:::
today's fun emotions: so sad i want to throw up 🤮
actually hang on i'm not sad anymore but i am really nauseous. can't... can't trans women get something close to a period? isn't nausea one of those things you can get on your period? ah fuck
In a weird state where I keep thinking maybe I'm not trans and then literally just seeing a girl in the mirror lol. Is this acceptance? Where I'm not even thinking about it actively anymore, I just see the me I want to?
Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, whoops! Johnny whoops! Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny!
Johnny!!! Johnny!!! Johnny!!!
Newest episode of the gender reveal podcast is really great. Highly recommend. Jules Gills-Peterson made some relatively approachable gender theory!