AFAB and AMAB is too often used as an adjective, when it should be used as a verb phrase (assigned x at birth). In other words, it belongs after the noun, not before.

AMAB woman - "assigned male at birth woman"

woman AMAB - "woman [that was] assigned male at birth"

By re-iterating that these acronyms are verb phrases and thus actions, we can re-emphasize the social construction of AMAB/AFAB and combat the tendency to use these acronyms as a way to simply misgender trans people.

I dyed my hair dark, metallic purple tonight. I payed for it in significant soreness, but the results say that it was worth it. The dye worked very well with my natural hair color so I’m super happy.

Telling my wife she is cute:

She says "no":

Just want to say: huge thanks to the mods and admins for adding my pronouns

cis people are kinda bullshit to be honest. like, i have nothing against them but you mean you popped out and felt everything was just fine, you got the soft skin and the girl shape and the hormones and the bottom parts all the way you wanted them without any effort? bullshit, i have to work for that. cis people are cheating

I’m so happy I got bottom surgery. For the multitude of reasons mentioned prior and the following.

::: spoiler Talking about genitals, slightly NSFW

My new bits feel amazing. Still mostly numb, but the parts that aren’t are awesome. So much better than having a penis. Things finally feel right.

:::

Life is great :>

I got my hair cut today and I'm really proud

Last time I got a haircut was about three months ago, and it was kinda fem-leaning androgynous (mostly because it's long). It was so important to me to have that shield of androgyny. In case people looked weirdly at me or something I would always have the excuse of just being a "naturally" feminine guy and not trying to be perceived as a woman or anything scary like that.

Today I got something way more explicitly feminine, because I don't feel like I need that excuse any more, and I can just live as myself.

Also the haircut is very cute.

I've been told this can be a trans thing but my "derealization/depersonalization" (if that's what this feeling is) has been ramping up the last couple of days. Almost everything I do I just have no faith actually happened. I'll get up, lock my door, sit back down and wonder "did I really lock the door?" or I'll have a conversation and be like "did that really happen?". Like this has always been a bit of background noise (if that makes sense) but I feel like it's getting worse/more noticeable.

I'm kinda starting to accept the idea that I might not be a guy (crazy I know, a they/them who's been posting in the trans mega for like two months + reads every comment might not be cis). I still swing back and forth but I think a lot of its cope. I don't fully know exactly what I want but I'm really leaning towards being femme in some capacity. Not sure if that'll be a fem enby or a transwoman.

I really wish I could try more clothes. I'm actually crying because I can't. I don't know how I'd feel but it'd be nice to try.

What do I even do hexbear. I'm lost. Any advice/articles/videos would be appreciated. (not even just about not being able to do anything, just in general about self realization too)

I feel like I can't "do" anything about it. Can't get clothes, can't try makeup, etc. I suppose I could change my pronouns here but I'd just feel like a fake.

::: spoiler gotta have some dysphoria posting, ya know? I'm so incredibly tall Like I'm quite tall for a guy but there's basically no women who are this tall. I'll be instantly clocked forever I just want to be petite and cute. :::

Sorry this is so disjointed that's how my brain is working right now. A few loosely connected thoughts.

Seeing a new psychiatrist and getting gender euphoria from her using my chosen pronouns. Planning to order my first dress this week :) Everything is great

Listening to transfemmes describe their 2nd puberty makes me think of my first (and so far only but that will change someday ). Like... maybe I should have taken more opportunities to cry. I find it so difficult to cry.

came out to one of my last good RL friends from back in the day felt really awesome

going to see her later this week and don't really have anything to mask anymore

slowly educating my parents for the inevitable. they're shitlibs and misguided my mom sounds like a TERF sometimes but honestly she's just clueless. like she supports trans kids but is weird about transfemmes. she was like "look at these people i work with on facebook and their wedding"

and i was like "looks like a nice lesbian wedding"

and she goes "but that's a guy!"

"no it's two women"

"but she has a penis!" (i was impressed how she didn't misgender after i said that. shitlib not chud)

"yeah it's a woman with a penis so what"

and that was the end of that. need more time. still got 6 mos to a year before i get this rolling

I don't know if any of you can relate but sometimes I wish I was a girl 👉👈

It's funny, ze/zir is basically a letter off from ze/hir and yet it still feels like there's a mile of difference to me.

(Admittedly a lot of it has to do with the fact that "hir" feels a bit too close to "her" for me)

I am completly isolated where I am right now, and it's doing a number on my mental state, hopefully that won't negatively impact my transition. Can't imagine emotional lability is easier to handle like that, though mayve the positive effects of HRT will give me the energy to attempt, once again, to find local friends. We'll see, I guess

Sometimes I feel like I'm faking. But then I remember all it took for my egg to crack was seeing trans women lol. I was so sheltered I had never seen any and thought my gender was immutable. Now that I've accepted myself I just wake up feeling she/they, and masking as he/him for transphobic family members feels like such a chore :/

I looked in the mirror today and actually enjoyed it. Combination of flannel shirt + n95 mask covering half my face + messy mullet hairstyle felt pretty masc and gave me gender euphoria.

::: spoiler feeling a little gloomy about dysphoria I get this feeling sometimes, looking into the mirror and thinking "hey, I look pretty masc right now" and enjoying my appearance, but then it evaporates once I go outside and get instantly gendered as a woman. idk, I'm pre-HRT and I like femme fashion so I get it, and I could put more effort into passing (I have no intentions of passing as a masculine cis man but I do want to pass as clearly not-a-woman, a genderthing in more of the "androgynous guy" spectrum) but still, it's taken the bloom off these feelings of euphoria. I've never had anyone mistakenly call me "sir" or be visibly confused by my gender. It's "ma'am" "miss" "lady" all the way down and nothing changes it: not the length of my hair, whether I bind, whatever I'm wearing whether femme or masc. It just feels like it's going to be like this all the way up until I finally get HRT. I just don't have the energy to voice train consistently right now and I feel like my body is just really feminine-looking. It's weird, I kind of like my current physical form, but in the abstract way where I appreciate it aesthetically and don't feel connected to it.

Gender dysphoria is really something, lol. I can literally feel it sapping away my energy. I told myself that I'm going to wait a few months til when I leave my parents house and then get on hormones, but now I don't even know if I can wait that long. Somehow I managed to mostly compartmentalize all this dysphoria for months but now that I have a plan and I'm waiting for the plan to materialize I feel like this last stretch of time is unbearable. :::

I told my roommate that I am trans, for context, we are currently looking for a new place together.

And I am not sure she reacted well, when I told her that I am already on HRT, she told me to be very careful, with transition, and also to not always believe what psychiatrists tell me(she thought, that I thought that I am trans because someone else told me so). Also that she has some good documentaries about trans people if I am interested (I am not interested, for the record. I can't imagine that kinda stuff being any good)

Also she didn't want me telling possible future roommates that I am trans "as it isn't visible yet anyway", and that she doen't tell everyone that she is bi as well. But it is going to visible soon? I also don't want to hide. And I very much don't want to risk getting a transphobic roommate. (which is why I told her, to decide if it's a good idea to move together with her)

So are these red flags, or am I imagining things, and that is just the usual cis attitude to things?

Feeling better this week. Intrusive thoughts are better since last week but still there... but I'm dealing with it better (a friend here shared with me some resources that REALLY helped ❤️).

Separately, I also got my levels back and they are Ok. T is suppressed at 22 ng/Mol or whatever and estrogen is at like 160 trough value which isn't super high but it's seemingly working for me. I am thinking about getting on the patch though honestly.

Sorta tried coming out a bit to one of my moms this weekend. She had made a comment about us (including my brother and my cousin) being uncles soonish and my brother (whom I'm out to) made a comment to encourage me to say something. So I mentioned I don't want to be called that and she asked if I'd rather be called an aunt, sorta mockingly. I don't think she realized I was being serious and later used uncle to refer to us again.

Still feeling the high from buying my new summer wardrobe Saturday. I'm evolving onto one of those gosh danged fashion transes.

::: spoiler negativity about being trans, dysphoria, you know the drill. Egg shit. wow, so my options really are be a repressed man that hates it or being a transwoman, aren't they? This sucks. Being a guy and not liking it sucks, and being trans doesn't seem great either. So much work, and I'll still be clocked. I'm tall, and big, and manish. I'll feel weird, and fake, and it'll be horrible. My family won't understand. My already small dating pool will be more like a dating tea cup. No one will ever see me as what I wish I was.

But continuing as a man isn't great either. I hate my body. Have for a long time. Maybe I could get away with just doing some things What cis guy doesn't want to get rid of all their body hair, be thin as a twig, use they/them pronouns and where women's clothes after all

I'm just so sad Being trans would be so hard in so many ways I just can't :::

I really try not to sadpost too much, maybe I'm failing in that.

::: spoiler fun estrogen effects on body talk holy fuck my nipples are getting sore now :))))) this is such a weird thing to get excited about but uhhhh wow okay :))))))) :::

god it's only been 2 weeks and now i have girl brain and girl emotions and fun feelings in my chest. and even an apartment i can move into in 3 weeks with another trans woman as a roommate??? oh wow this is what optimism for the future is like???

injection #2 this morning :). finally starting to feel the emotional changes and oh wow this is nice :)))))))))))))

My boobs have been extremely sore the last couple of days. It has made sleeping on my side extremely difficult and I'm not really enjoying it. I just started being able to sleep on my side after surgery too. I do hope that they're growing still and this is the side effect of it all.

I usually sad post about being trans, but I've actually been feeling pretty good about it today. It's hard to explain. It's not that I'm happy with being a guy, but the idea of being transfem hasn't seemed so bad.

I don't know just thought it was worth sharing something positive.

Thank you everyone who has helped comfort me when I'm feeling sad, I know I don't respond to everyone but I always appreciate it a lot.

I want to try out estrogen without permanent effects (mostly breast growth) to see how it feels and have been looking into options. I want to see how it changes my emotions and, if I'm lucky, my skin, face, hips, hair, and body hair.

It seems like there are a few SERMs out there that can be taken alongside HRT to limit breast growth. Another option is just a very low dose if I'm just 'trying it out' for a few months.

Might make an appointment for a local gender clinic and see what options are available.

I have somehow managed to avoid trans broken arm syndrome completely during my entire five year crusade to get my chronic pain treated. Good shit

Can cyproterone acetate contribute to fatigue or chronic pain though? No, right? That'd be fuckin silly.

A work colleague is writing his thesis and doing a survey, including asking for sex. he made a attack helicopter joke while talking about it, a grown ass man with a kid that goes to school. It was so awkward, nobody laughed, the second hand cringe was unbearable.

::: spoiler update on the mystery appointment Turns out it was, like, a psychologist or something. Wanted to follow up on some things I mentioned during my initial WGS referral. Laptop mic wasn't working on the weird site the NHS uses for video chats, so I had to type all my answers to his questions. Still no closer to oestrogen, and feeling the bad feelings after having my face stare back at me for 'bout an hour. :::

Been using finasteride, derma rollers and rosemary oil for the past 10 months now to try and bring back the hair to my temples. Didn't seem to be doing much, but now I'm noticing some new hairs appearing in that area! I'm sure the estrogen is also helping. I just hope all of this will be enough to fix my hairline, otherwise I'll have to add yet another expensive surgery to my to-do list

Malefail? yeah i failed at being male so damn hard, it was embarrassing

Anyone have experience with migraines and feminizing HRT? Got crushed by one this morning.

Mine aren't horrible compared to a lot of people, but they've started to get noticeably worse since I began HRT. Apparently they can be caused by drops in estrogen levels, and today was my injection day, so maybe it's related? If it becomes a regular thing I'm probably switching back to a 5-day injection schedule to avoid some fluctuations. I changed it to 6 days because E levels were way higher than necessary, but I could just lower the dose instead.

Also, I've always seen migraine aura in the same pattern on the left side of my vision since middle school, but sometime after starting HRT I suddenly began to see the aura on the opposite side of my vision instead, which feels incredibly weird.

Pain is weakness tiddies leaving entering the body

NEW MEGA TIME

Hello everyone, I hope you all have a great week!!! Much love and down with cis 🥰🥰🥰✊✊✊🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️

I love that I have boobs now, it's just so gender affirming! I love seeing my body get more and more feminine

Feeling beautiful today! Figuring out color correction + concealer has made me finally start seeing myself in the mirror. Having FaceApp gender me correctly sometimes is a big confidence boost :)

My partner and I are going all out on a Manicure and pedicure.

Also I looked at my hands today, and for the first time I felt like they were my own. Can't wait to see what a manicure does to them!

Today I participated in a silly lil gender survey and clicked the NONE BINEY option when presented. Idk how I feel abt it. I think it's reasonably accurate as a descriptor at least? But tryna define this weird semi nongender is uh weird. Autism gender? Weird n kinda scary?

I know I posted a few months back abt the person I was thinking about breaking up with and we did end up doing so since it was becoming more apparent we were going to be on different tracks in life. We're still close friends though, and we continue to have a good time in my tabletop game

Reasons why I personally wear a binder in order of frequency:

• I keep neglecting to buy a sports bra
• The outfit looks better with a flat chest
• It's like a wearable hug for two hours
• Don't want breasts in the moment
• Shirt doesn't fit otherwise q.q

::: spoiler cw: EstraDoll does more talking about E posting holy fuck everything is so nice now. i was walking outside and started tearing up a bit because the flowers outside were really pretty wtf??? :::

Been taking sooo many selfies lately. No idea if my face passes, but I sure do look cute :3 I love being a girl

right nipple feeling a bit sore today . the E is working and it's working good holy shit

::: spoiler possibly ignorant take on femboy/tomboy discourse

I think I’m starting to understand the femboy discourse a bit better now because I think I have a similar experience with tomboy women.

I always wanted to be a boy deep inside but I wasn’t very aware that trans people exist so I couldn’t really explain te feeling. So I started to identify as tomboy or masculine woman. Now I’m seeing lots of tomboy/masc women around me and wondering if they might be trans as well because the way they describe their feelings is so similar to how I felt.

As far as I understand the (slight) annoyance on here about femboys it’s that a lot of femboys turn out to be trans but saying that to a femboy can lead to a lot of backlash from a part of the community because to them speculating on someone’s gender identity is a big no-no. Please tell me if I’m being ignorant/wrong :::

down with cis

Day 15 of telling my wife she is cute until she stops saying no

god i love women so much it's unreal

It's been a rough few days, but I got my first dresses in the mail yesterday. They are very pretty and (I think) flattering on me :)

looking at old photos of myself now and like... wow that always was a girl? wtf??

there's a little girl in those photos to me now and it makes me want to cry because the estrogen makes me want to cry about things

Lesbians deserve to be cuddled and kissed

At this point, with my situation, it may be sometime before I make any transition.

It feels like some sort of mental barrier broke down last week, and now I'm able to fully see and appreciate all the progress I've made

Now I actually like looking at myself in the mirror! I've been smiling much more than usual as well, I'm just really happy c:

I smoked a cigarette last weekend 😳 I quit like 6 months ago when I started hormones. I am not getting any cravings thankfully it does seem like I kicked rhe physical habit but my god I love cigs still lol

updated my pfp to be a girl because i am a girl thing

CW: Bigot threats at the workplace ::: spoiler spoiler

Work's hired more openly gsm individuals, a welcome sign though its an unfortunate reminder that's the best we can get out here, low paid work regardless of education. The local populace hasn't been taking well to it and we've been getting cutesy veiled threats in the god bless your heart sort of people calling in with chain 'lost guns' like the impending apocalypse of every chud/fasc iteration of Tequila Sunset. I hate this, brings back bomb threat memories when I tried to get into a lab internship, though the local chuds could get easily be riled up to no good, especially next month, while the students weren't serious since it only happened during finals and midterms, funny that. :::

::: spoiler cw sh Holy shit this is the worst urges I've had in so long. I'm more worried I'm going to actually do it (not right now, but at some point) then I've been in a while. Apparently sh urges because of dysphoria is going to become a thing for me :cri:

What do I even do :cri: :::

Edit: feelings have largely subsided for now

Now that the E is finally starting to have effects on my psyche and emotions, this is how women feel all the time? I feel so calm and clear now. i don't understand who could get mad at anything like this

I'm going back to undergrad! Pretty excited tbh

How are we today, trans comrades of hexbear? I've been having an awful time with my health lately so I just want to chat and read about other peoples' days

Had some random middle-aged dude hollering at me across the street to come over to him yesterday. I've gradually changed my presentation to be more feminine the last few months, along with HRT, and this is the first time something like this happened.

Instead of uncomfortable, it made me feel really proud and happy, but now I feel uncomfortable about feeling proud and happy about it and it's just weird :/

::: spoiler dysphoria inducing stuff i should have tagged long ago, sorry today's trans girl emotions: getting jealous of 8 year old girls because they got to be girls when they were eight and you never did :::

my tits hurt posting:

i feel like my tits have grown for no other reason than it's suddenly a sensitive area now. Nothing has actually grown yet, or if it has, i am way too early on HRT to have any remotely noticeable physical growth there yet, but they feel bigger now somehow and that's wild

there's always some fuckin song off the wallsocket album stuck in my head now

Just discovered that the small independent publisher of trans lit tRaum books (they just released June Martin's debut novel Love/Aggression, which I can only recommend) has its seat in Munich. They're completely anglophone, so I didn't expect that. Sometimes I fear that trans lit is just fully concentrated in New York, so I'm really surprised that people are doing something in Germany of all places.

Whenever hutterite or Mennonite (whichever) women come in with their day surgery kids they always ask me if I'm married or have children, it's kinda cute. They didn't before when I passed TERRIBLY.

Day two of pill cutter gang in which I take 12.5mg of cypro, down from 25. Will probably reduce dosage again sometime although cuttng those tablets gets kinda silly...

I really like the idea that I can take miniscule amounts of cypro and just vibe. It sounds good to me.

::: spoiler bitching Uh it would be gooder if I could just not take antiandrogens, one of the only things I hate about being trans is the medicinal reliance. It's fine realistically, day to day, but it worries me, anxiety. Diy orchiechtomy when? Taking a gram of cypro to stop testosterone production wholesale when??? :::

gender

WGS dropped a mystery, suprise appointment on me on pretty short notice. Like, it's online but they should really be giving me more than just two days notice for this sorta thing.

No clue what they want to talk to me about, shouldn't be starting on HRT 'till August and the yearly scheduled progress check isn't for months.

::: spoiler dysphoria/weight/ed posting Holy shit I need to lose weight I feel so fat and terrible. The past like day and a half has been so good and now I'm crying out of no where. I just feel so big.

Honestly I don't even know how to lose weight "properly". I mean I know like, eat right and that shit but like how am I actually going to do it I don't even know what my target weight should be. If I ever commit to it I'm just going to end up starving myself again. I just want to be thin and flat like a board. I just keep eating too much Why I am so fucking large.

(just to clarify my tone, I'm not necessarily asking for weight loss advice. You can still post it if you want but I'm really just venting) :::

So I'm kinda wanting to try a new haircut that's longer then what I have.

Problem. I don't like sideburns or hair over my ears. I also feel like my hair in general looks pretty bad (too "poofy" I guess). So uh, what should I tell the hairstylist? Can I just like say that and they'll understand or am I being conflicting in what I want? Is there some kind of haircut (that won't look weird for a guy to wear as I don't really want anyone asking questions) that I should look at/ask for?

I have basically always hated/neglected my hair and just gotten it cut short every now and again so it wouldn't bug me :ohnoes:

Yes I'm being picky, I just hope not too picky that it's impossible.

I recently remembered in high school that a friend of mine gave me (and no one else) a 4 CD "mix tape" with hand drawn art. They're now a trans woman. But wait I think, they're exclusively lesbian. And then I look at what I've got going on now and was like "oh, yeah I guess that also makes sense".

trying to alternate which leg i do my injections in. unfortunately my dumb ass can't actually remember which one i did last week so actually i'm just guessing

t girl progress: i see a girl in the mirror now, sort of. i don't really look like a girl but i can see myself as one now :). can't wait to get around to lasering my facial hair off

My breasts are itching but it's like way beneath the skin somewhere so i can't scratch it. it's driving me a bit insane

A little late but had a good Mother’s Day; got messages from my siblings and parents, Dad apologized for last year (father’s fay instead of mother’s), went for a walk around town. Also got my HRT refill.

In other news, still no update regarding SRS.. 😣

new unjust depths! ::: spoiler spoiler crying a little at how nice it is to see homa getting everything she deserves. she got to wear a pretty dress and gets to feel like her body is her own, disability and all, and gets to kiss a pretty girl and find a connection to her heritage and gets lots of reassurance from the other union shmii members and gets to declare that she'll go with them of her own choice even now that she has a different community she could join if she wanted who would accept her and it simply makes me cry a lot

i am going to ignore the stuff at the end () for now and simply bask in the good times zone

I’m trans Harold halibut

I'm quitting Effexor. This shit sucks. I do not wish effexor withdrawals on anyone. Still got 30 days left of this

edit: I still feel some of these ways kinda but over all I'm feeling much better right now. A little depression nap goes a long way sometimes.

I feel like such a fake ::: spoiler uhh feeling fake, negative self talk, light ableist language. I think that's everything covered. I just am. I don't use the right language, I don't feel the right ways, I don't understand things, I didn't figure it out early enough. I'm just so stupid. Why do I think things wrong. It's driving me crazy. I was thinking of changing my pronouns but right now I almost feel like I should change them to he/him instead. I'm just a stupid guy who got an idea in his stupid mind. I'll never be a woman. I'm an attention seeking guy. I don't deserve good things.

My brain is full of FUCKING BRAIN WORMS FROM THIS SOCIETY. THIS FUCKING SHIT ASS SOCIETY MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A GOD DAMN PERVERT AND I HATE IT AND EVERYTHING IN IT.

Oh, and now I'm going to make people worried again. What the fuck is wrong with me. ::: ::: spoiler sh No point in going into detail, but the urges are back and really hurt. I don't understand. I'm not depressed like I was, but I'm still feeling like sh. ::: ::: spoiler ed (eating) Feeling this coming on too. Had to force myself to eat last night and hated it. It's so fucking complicated. ::: Only kinda a sharp turn but my questioning if I'm autistic has gotten much more serious the past weeks and months. But if I do have it, why wouldn't my therapist have brought it up? I'm probably a fake there too

I keep wanting to play Celeste, but every time I see something I can relate to or see in the trans experience, it wells up emotions and I find it hard to continue. Really wanna finish playing it too, because that gameplay is solid.