I hope everyone had a great week last week. Hopefully this one turns out even better for everyone.
good_girl [she/her, they/them] - 2.2yr
Finally got around to messing with eyeliner and... I cried.
I saw myself in the mirror and I saw myself.
And I laugh-cried out of joy.
It's so wild how something so seemingly small can be so significant.
It's finally starting to feel real.
35
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
honestly mood. i took some really nice "selfies" of myself a couple weeks ago that i thought i looked nice in because the really cheap webcam and warm lighting softened my face super hard. looking at them now i don't even think i look particularly femme, masc, or androgynous, but i look adorable, and the only "filter" was a 240p resolution. It really didn't take much
17
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 2.2yr
Congrats!! Eyeliner can be hard to start learning but it's really fun! And it doesn't take much to look really femme, even just a tiny stubby wing and half your upper eye adds a lot.
I learned liquid liner cause I like big bold wings. It's hard but if you keep doing it, you'll get it.
12
good_girl [she/her, they/them] - 2.2yr
Yeah! I'm starting with liquid liner and I'm sure I'll learn it quickly enough. Thankfully my girlfriend is big into makeup so I have a bit of guidance.
12
SorosFootSoldier [he/him, they/them] - 2.2yr
Happy Monday
30
crosswind [she/her, they/them] - 2.2yr
Friends have been using my pronouns. My family stopped using any pronouns for me. I'll take that as a win.
30
Lenins_Cat_Reincarnated - 2.2yr
I want to take T but also I haven’t come out to anyone yet and I don’t have a plan for how to do it
29
Lenins_Cat_Reincarnated - 2.2yr
I already have a weird teen boy moustache without ever taking T so I’m really eager to see how powerful it will become with T
27
EpicKebabEater [he/him, it/its] - 2.2yr
While I can't legally tell you how to do it right now, it's much smaller of a deal than people will have you believe. I DIY T without my family knowing and can answer questions you have here or on Discord if you want.
16
khizuo [ze/zir] - 2.2yr
o.O I'm curious.
12
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
been reading about half of this "basic biology" textbook now and it's mostly shit about what kind of animals are herbivores. when do i get to the part where it says that trans people aren't real? i keep getting told by terfs to read this shit but i can't figure out why
28
AutomatedPossum [she/her] - 2.2yr
Fun basic biology fact: Took part in a bar quiz on Saturday and one round was "name the parts of the vulva" and i could just rattle off all the medical terms like introitus vaginale because of my pre bottom surgery doctor-patient-talk and the paperwork with my insurance i had to file after that and all the cis women in the team where like "wth you're awesome how does anybody who isn't a doctor know this". Meanwhile another team couldn't find the clit, got super mad about it and started complaining to the organizers.
23
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
Meanwhile another team couldn't find the clit,
18
AutomatedPossum [she/her] - 2.2yr
Bonus rage: There were women on that team.
18
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
That just makes me sad
13
manuallybreathing @lemmy.ml - 2.2yr
oh gee, do i have some news for you about "herbivores"
Noooo animals have to fit into three neat little boxes you can't just leave your box like that
8
MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 2.2yr
down with cis
27
AutomatedPossum [she/her] - 2.2yr
14
MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 2.2yr
9
AutomatedPossum [she/her] - 2.2yr
Thanks for the heads up, i've edited the post accordingly
10
MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 2.2yr
9
SexUnderSocialism [she/her] - 2.2yr
More and more people are saying this.
13
Cromalin [she/her] - 2.2yr
gotta buy a bus
9
catter [comrade/them, she/her] - 2.2yr
Recently watched a video of me from 4+ years ago and realized the closet was made of glass. Everyone in my wife's family and many of her friends had clocked me as a gay man, but that couldn't be because I was in a straight marriage 🤔 Everyone knew I was queer but me lol
This happen to anyone else???
Lots of love
26
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
oh wow, gender envy actually hurts really fucking bad
26
Pluto [he/him, he/him] - 2.2yr
I'm not ready yet to come out.
26
🎀 Seryph (She/Her) - 2.2yr
That's perfectly fine and good, take it at your own pace and try to keep yourself comfortable and safe 💜
17
Pluto [he/him, he/him] - 2.2yr
Thank you!
8
BioWarfarePosadist [she/her, they/them] - 2.2yr
Solidarity with my trans masc Brothers who have to bind their chest at all. I'm still not out to my family, but my boobs are getting pretty noticeable even when I wear a tight sports bra.
Had to use a bra I ordered that was way too small for me and remove the pads to make my boobs as flat as possible. Ouch. I salute you who do it for most of your day.
25
SnowySkyes - 2.2yr
Just be careful as binding can damage the tissue. Sorry if you’re already aware of this.
20
BioWarfarePosadist [she/her, they/them] - 2.2yr
I did not!
4
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
::: spoiler goofy bloomer posting, navelgazing
All that blogging I did about body hair last mega feels really incredibly healthy to me. Between that and realising I never identified that closely with the "woman" label, I feel extremely at peace about me rn. I value this feeling of being at peace with my body, I'll never fucking ever take it for granted. I am zen, satisfied. Unbothered. Moisturised. Flourishing. Happy. In my lane. Not focused though 'cause lmao.
One of the problems I had was, I always knew it didn't work like this for everybody else, but in terms of myself transition and gender were so tied up in the medical aspect, because that was the biggest change in my life then, that I couldn't really consider it in more granularity, 'cause my stupid brain would go "if my gender changes, some physical or presentational aspect of me must also change". Plus the fact that I'm indifferent to they/them pronouns confused my tiny mind somewhat.
I also think my sad tiny mind needed the "woman" label back then, kid me sort of clung to it for a sense of validity. It was something I could angrily assert at people if they questioned me. But now I'm a lot more chill, (cohabiting with my wife, long removed from the struggles of obtaining HRT) I've come far enough to decouple all that stuff in my brain, really consider it for myself, interrogate it thoroughly, and it's made me feel a lot better. I don't feel like such a weird, out-of-place non-trans-woman, I am content to just be a vaguely transfeminine lesbian critter and not worry about it. To look at myself and my body and realise how content I am, that it really truly brings me joy being just how I am now.
:::
24
nemmybun [she/her, sae/saer] - 2.2yr
::: spoiler late night blehposting
Sometimes I feel sad about starting HRT in my 30s. I feel like I'll always regret spending my 20s trying so desperately to live up to everyone's expectations while disregarding my own. Not even fully understanding what I wanted because I wouldn't listen to myself. I wouldn't allow myself the truth. Told myself to just keep going, it didn't matter which direction. Every direction is away from where I was, who I was. Gaslighted myself. Ignored that voice until I couldn't any longer. Drowned her out with drink and drugs until that stopped working too. It came to a point where there was no more distractions and no more escape. Some eggs crack gracefully from within. But eggs that crack under external pressure only fall to pieces. Whether I was ready or not, I had to find myself and put myself back together in a configuration that fit me.
I am glad I ultimately figured it out even if it was not in the graceful way and I'm happy with myself and how far I've come even if it took me awhile. Though I can't help but wonder how things would be now if I had been stronger and braver and ready to cut ties sooner. If I had started HRT in my 20s (or through some miracle, my teens), would I feel better about myself if testosterone had less time to do its damage? Would I feel like less of an outlier and more connected if I was closer to the average age of the wider community when I started? How different would my life be now if only I could've found my way sooner and not worried so much about the opinions of others? Would I be spending less of my time writing all this self-absorbed sadsack shit online an hour after I should be asleep and more time touching grass? (probably not that last one)
:::
23
Wake [she/her, they/them] - 2.2yr
If it's any consolation, I turn 37 in a few weeks and my egg cracked in January. I have my first appointment for hrt next month.
Drowned her out with drink and drugs until that stopped working too. It came to a point where there was no more distractions and no more escape
I deeply resonate with this. You're definitely not alone with these feelings.
16
lapis [fae/faer, comrade/them] - 2.2yr
I feel like I'll always regret spending my 20s trying so desperately to live up to everyone's expectations while disregarding my own.
I feel this in my bones. I frequently wish I'd spent less of my late teens and twenties trying to be a good christian boy and more figuring out who I actually am, instead of pushing all that so deep down that I didn't even realize it was there until I started deprogramming in my late 20s and finally ran across the concept of non-cis gender identities in my early 30s.
14
TBooneChickens [she/her, she/her] - 2.2yr
Saaaame timeline for me too! So much time living to other peoples expectations, suppressing every hint of personality or self expression if it conflicted with what was "proper". It's a bit sad to think about lost time, but I love who I am today and the broken pieces of my past life are slowly healing or finally being shed as dead weight.
10
SnowySkyes - 2.2yr
One thing that we have to do is to try and not blame ourselves for our lack of action or awareness in our pasts. Constantly miring ourselves with “What ifs?” generally doesn’t lead to anywhere fruitful and just hogs one down with a large heaping pile of dysphoria. In my experiences, it has been very helpful to just focus on the here and now. Note that you’re making changes now. You are moving towards a better future for yourself. Even though you’re doing it later in life, you’re still making strides to becoming the real you.
I started HRT shortly after my egg cracked at 32. I was completely blind to myself and couldn’t see that I was trans. I never had the ability for introspection. It took me a long, agonizing time to finally look at myself and see myself. And, at the end of the day, I felt the exact same way you did. I lamented that I didn’t see the shell around me for so long. I felt that I missed a chance on life. However, as the changed came and I started to see the pathway to a better future for myself, all of it started to melt away. Now I feel that it would’ve been nice to start earlier, but you know what, I’m there. I’m doing right for myself. I’m decently far towards my goals. I’m living the life I was meant to this very moment. So I set my eyes towards my future and let the past be the past. After all, we can’t change our past, but we have the power to direct our futures.
8
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
being 1 week on HRT is like sitting in the rollercoaster with the chest bar thingy over you and your seatbelt fastened but the ride hasn't actually started yet so you're just sitting them like "yep, big changes soon" while literally nothing perceivable is happening nor can you expect anything to for a while longer either
23
AutomatedPossum [she/her] - 2.2yr
Give it just a tiny bit more time and the seatbelt will hurt your nipples so badly that it will become your main posting topic.
20
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
12
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
It's excruciatingly painful lol
15
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
9
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
it's way too fucking early to be it but my left tiddy does feel funny today
actually yeah my left arm feels like i just got an injection in it too wtf. there hasn't been a needle in there for years
9
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
actually i'm pretty sure that i just slept on my arm funny and cut off the circulation, which does not give you bigger tits. which is a shame because if it did i'd have G cups by now
8
TBooneChickens [she/her, she/her] - 2.2yr
We love a good twist ending, don't we folks
4
🎀 Seryph (She/Her) - 2.2yr
Not to excite you too too much, but breast growth can still start pretty early, I felt the pain for the first time less than a month after I started taking my E pills. (~3 weeks to be more specific). That feeling definitely isn't it though, the actual feeling is a sharp pain the first few times.
Also for the love of god don't wear blouses without a bra. Trust me.
7
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 2.2yr
The physical changes will come soon
For me the mental changes were fairly quick. Just a few weeks in.
16
WittyProfileName2 [she/her] - 2.2yr
I've been stuck in a first aid refresher course all day with a bunch of decrepit twats from the local côr meibion who threw a fit about the gender options on the forms that were handed 'round.
I swear to God if I hear one more fucker say,
::: spoiler CW: transphobia
"There's only two genders and if you're somehow confused about what one you are, look in your trousers."
:::
, the class' gonna get a live example of how to treat lacerations.
Death to cishets, etc, etc.
23
SnowySkyes - 2.2yr
I’m not gonna lie, but I would be openly hostile towards these people and probably get thrown out. These fuckers need reeducated in the gulag. But I am heavily combative with this shit and probably why I’ll never have stable work.
12
WittyProfileName2 [she/her] - 2.2yr
There are not words for how badly I wanted to throw hands but, like, kicking the shit out of a couple of the old men who sing at funerals would get me a bit more than dirty looks around town so... What could I do really?
During the lunch break, the bloke administering the classes went on this rant about Vaughn Gething conspiring against whites, so I didn't have much hope for help there either.
8
SnowySkyes - 2.2yr
I didn’t mean physical assault, but rather berating them and being an asshole. Making sure they regret their life choices.
7
Leon_Frotsky [she/her] - 2.2yr
::: spoiler TERF island shit
So his majesty's government seized the website for the company I get my hrt from about two weeks ago (well actually it was seized by the MHRA Criminal Enforcement Unit technically). Fuck the British government .
22
BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 2.2yr
The second domain is still accessible, at least in the states. So maybe not fully seized? Maybe a vpn/dns change would let you access it?
Also :meow-hug: I hope you're able to find another solution
16
khizuo [ze/zir] - 2.2yr
I wore a binder today for the first time in a while and god it was so hot and uncomfortable lol. I don't have intense chest dysphoria but I'm going to get top surgery just for the purpose of never having to worry about binding ever again. It's mostly a sensory thing for me.
22
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
girls pretty
21
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
THEY DO BE tfw girlkisser...
7
frankfurt_schoolgirl [she/her] - 2.2yr
Tomorrow will make my first week of full time girlmoding. Also I graduated college and just moved to a new city.
I want to say that I'm incredibly happy because I've sort of achieved everything I've been working for over the last couple of years. But honestly this is so fucking stressful. Like I'm very obviously visiblly trans still, and my voice is inconsistent, so I have no idea how people are perceiving me. I think I pass to some older people? Most people have been very nice so far, but maybe too nice sometimes? Like I'm pretty sure when a younger person gives me a random compliment out of nowhere it means I got clocked. Idk the uncertainty is very difficult.
But also its weird being away from friends and family. It's far from the first time I've been isolated, or that I've moved to a new place, but it seems different now. Maybe because I've been way more social than normal over the last few months, and that's over now for the time being. Idk my roommate is cool, but he's the only person I really know well here. Also, it's just hard to go from being so busy for the last few months to absolutely nothing.
Also I have have to start my new job while out as trans. Which is terrifying. Like idk I'll feel ok probably once I've gotten started, and my name and stuff is all correct, and I have a general feel for how I will be treated. But the next month or two is going to be rough.
21
AutomatedPossum [she/her] - 2.2yr
Women compliment each other all the time. Doesn't matter if we're cis or trans, doesn't matter if we get clocked or not, it's just something we do. Not only because it's polite, not only because we've all been indoctrinated by the patriarchy to need affirmation and try to help each other out with that, but usually, most of the time, because we just mean it. The biggest favor you can do to yourself is to learn to take a compliment. You're not exempt from being beautiful just because you're trans, and you don't have to pass for that, either. And honestly, it doesn't fucking matter if you get clocked or not when people are nice and respectful to you. There are people out there who don't mind if you are trans. Tons of them.
17
frankfurt_schoolgirl [she/her] - 2.2yr
Ok honestly you're so right about this. I'm unironically lucky to get awkward complements instead of be called slurs.
11
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
Like I'm pretty sure when a younger person gives me a random compliment out of nowhere it means I got clocked.
Why? Perhaps instead they just genuinely like whatever they complimented about you?
It is really stressful to start a job when fulltime like this though, hoping it goes well for you Fwiw, I found most people in a work environment (who aren't utter freaks anyway) won't want to linger on stuff like your gender and will move on without issue. Even working a blue collar job I didn't really have any troubles myself.
13
lapis [fae/faer, comrade/them] - 2.2yr
::: spoiler cw: facial hair dysphoria
my hatred for shaving and my hatred for hair on my face are in a constant tug-of-war. I've been trying to be okay with having a stubble beard sometimes, but I hate that it gets me automatically read as a man.
learning to accept the masculine physical traits that I have and cannot change is difficult in general, but facial hair is extra hard because I can sorta change it... if I spend hours every week sliding a razor across my face and don't mind constant skin irritation on my face and neck.
:::
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AutomatedPossum [she/her] - 2.2yr
Laser hair removal does a lot in that regard. It takes some time and money, but it's been a lifesaver for me.
12
lapis [fae/faer, comrade/them] - 2.2yr
unfortunately laser hair removal is way more expensive than I have the spare cash flow for. really hoping the Sphynx comes through and is reasonably simple to learn to use.
15
DerEwigeAtheist [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.2yr
I recently learned that having a moustage was a beauty ideal for iranian women in the 19th century. It is of course not in modern times, but maybe that context can help? There were also some nonbinary identities, but i forgot the name.
9
lapis [fae/faer, comrade/them] - 2.2yr
huh, that's pretty cool! unfortunately, the issue is largely (1) the beard makes me feel icky, which I'm trying to learn to ignore, and (2) people in western society instantly lose any perception of androgyny or femininity when facial hair is involved.
9
manuallybreathing @lemmy.ml - 2.2yr
There's a difference between the vallus hair on a cis woman's face, and the courser terminal hairs that are grown after a testosterone induced puberty.
Sorry, this is a pet peve, when a cis woman friend pulls out the 'I have hairy legs! / I have hair on my face!', honey, its different, i have infact been upclose ans personal with women.
my protip for youse is shave in the shower and try avoid mirrors ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (doesnt help the sensory issues, i just let it grow out a little so its softer tbh)
5
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
Cis women are not somehow immune to having terminal hair on their face, plenty of them do.
Taking estrogen also tends to soften out and slow hair growth as well as making it less dense. Anecdotally my wife had some light chest hair that near enough quit growing. YMMV of course.
When a cis woman friend "pulls out" those statements, the point is that body hair should not be associated as a masculine trait somehow, because that's silly.
11
SnowySkyes - 2.2yr
Since I no longer need to adjust dangly bits when sitting to pee these days, my cats took notice and are now jumping on my lap within five seconds of me sitting down. It’s horribly inconvenient and I would hate it if they weren’t the cutest jerks on the planet.
21
🎀 Seryph (She/Her) - 2.2yr
Aaaaaaa my patch just fell off after my shower and won't stick back on :(
Gonna take one of my last couple pills to compensate for tonight and tomorrow, but does anyone know a decent and cheap tape or something that I can use to keep it stuck better during showers?
21
SexUnderSocialism [she/her] - 2.2yr
Do you make sure to press the patch firmly in place with your hand for about 10 seconds after you apply it? Also, it's best not to moisturize the skin under the patch before you put it on, because it needs the skin to be dry for proper adhesion. Another thing that seems to improve adhesion is to rub the area with rubbing alcohol, letting it dry, and then putting the patch on. I've been on estrogen patches for 6 years now, and it's been impossible for them to come loose in any situation because of how tight the adhesion is.
If you still need some sort of tape, then something like Tegaderm is very effective if you can find it cheap. A single roll of Tegaderm can last you a couple of months.
12
🎀 Seryph (She/Her) - 2.2yr
Ohhhhh it was probably the moisturising the skin that was the problem since I was switching right after a shower, I see. Gonna try to do it fully dry tomorrow then see if it's better. Thank you very much!
9
DerEwigeAtheist [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.2yr
How often do you change them, my endo gave my 1.56 mg patches(I think), and told me to change them 4 times per week. Is that a normal amount? the instructions in the manual are obviously not written for my case, but still. Also what would you say are the best places ro apply them? I heard inner thighs.
9
SexUnderSocialism [she/her] - 2.2yr
Those are Estradot patches, right? Their 100 mcg/24 hours patches contain 1.56 mg (or 1560 microgram) in total. The way patches work is that they dispense a certain amount of estrogen per 24 hours, so in this case 100 microgram. You basically never use the entirety of the patch because the amount of estrogen it dispenses drops off after a few days. A 100 mcg patch changed twice a week (every 3 to 4 days) is pretty much the standard dosage. Changing them 4 times a week seems a bit weird to me, because there's no benefit, while being more expensive because your patches don't last as long.
Any place below the waist where the skin doesn't fold is a good place to put the patch. Like your hip, lower stomach or upper buttocks. I tend to alternate between two spots to lessen any irritation on my skin, and to give it some time breathe. Never put the patch on your breasts though, because that can actually increase your chance of getting breast cancer.
8
DerEwigeAtheist [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.2yr
Yeah, I was really wondering about that 4 times a week thing, because it was contrary to everything else I ever heard, but if it comes from a doctor I tend to trust it a bit more. If it really does not make a difference though I will stop doing that, since I can only get refills every few months.
7
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 2.2yr
You can buy tegaderms to put over them as well (I stole mine from work, I'm a nurse lol)
11
🎀 Seryph (She/Her) - 2.2yr
Will make sure to do this if the dry application doesn't fix the issue for me, thank you!
6
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
Gaffa tape probably? or maybe surgical tape?
8
imogen_underscore [it/its, she/her] - 2.2yr
i want Mexican food
21
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
DOWN WITH CIS
20
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
if cis is so great then why isn't there cis 2?????
10
MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 2.2yr
yesssss
5
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
today i have sent out one (1) response to a craiglist posting for roommates where i said i was a trans woman looking for housing. progress has been made today :)
20
regularassbitch [she/her] - 2.2yr
it's weird when good things happen partially because of who i am. it's hard to reconcile that with my (admittedly warped) ideas of what being queer means
20
EpicKebabEater [he/him, it/its] - 2.2yr
Bought HRT for someone I know irl and while it makes me feel shallow I really feel meaningful helping other trans people. Life good.
20
TBooneChickens [she/her, she/her] - 2.2yr
When my tiddies first started, the right one grew wayy faster than the left. It made me a little nervous, that maybe I wouldn't love all the changes that were coming. But I gave it time and focussed on the things that did make happy. The boobies kept growing, and sure enough, even though they're still mildly asymmetric, theyre both lovely little jubblies that make looking in the mirror now so much better
19
Tommasi [she/her, pup/pup's] - 2.2yr
Uuuugujkdsagfnsaesf<;
sorry, needed to get it out of my system
19
Findom_DeLuise [she/her, they/them] - 2.2yr
Mood
13
TheGenderWitch [she/her, she/her] - 2.2yr
Im finaling my finals so hard they are final'd
my finals just said assad must go
19
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 2.2yr
Hey, where my good girls at in the thread? Report below 👇
18
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
14
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 2.2yr
Yay, good girl
10
Babs [she/her] - 2.2yr
13
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 2.2yr
Aw, what a sweet good girl
11
Tommasi [she/her, pup/pup's] - 2.2yr
Reporting even though I'm bad
11
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 2.2yr
Nah still good. Bratty is also good
8
Tommasi [she/her, pup/pup's] - 2.2yr
6
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 2.2yr
What a cute good girl over here!!
2
Leon_Frotsky [she/her] - 2.2yr
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TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 2.2yr
Yay! Good girl!!
6
milistanaccount09 [she/her] - 2.2yr
worst girls unite :halimede-growl:
3
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 2.2yr
No way!! It's another good girl!
2
Babs [she/her] - 2.2yr
::: spoiler dysmorphia
Gaslighting myself every time I look in a mirror. My bf thinks I'm pretty but god damn does it suck to not be able to trust your own lying eyes.
:::
18
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
!!!
Real as fuck, but unironically other people's eyes are more trustworthy than your own, which is kinda shitty. You're your own worst critic...
18
Babs [she/her] - 2.2yr
If people say nice things about me it's hugboxing.
14
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
Tell it to your bf
10
Jenniferrr [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.2yr
So like idk if I'm gonna come out with work soon but one of my immediate concerns is - what am I gonna fucking wear?
I do have some sweaters I look cute in but a lot of my clothes are basically showing too much skin for work. Nothing crazy, but they're crops and tank tops and stuff and usually I just accessorize them. I feel like if I wear too many clothes, I just look like a guy and obviously that's no good.
Does anyone have any advice? The environment is professional but I can wear casual clothes - that's what I'm doing right now.
My voice also isn't trained at all so there's that too.
18
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 2.2yr
You can get way more femme button ups where the buttons go the other way (which for some reason was decided that's the femme side 🙄). Floral patterns, little hearts etc. Earrings and necklaces are a good way to femme up professionally. You can wear a skirt in business casual too.
10
khizuo [ze/zir] - 2.2yr
Shirts with drapey or balloon-y sleeves feel pretty femme, imo.
8
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
time for E shot #2 tonight :))))))
18
Babs [she/her] - 2.2yr
Anyone got a good guide on how to turn raws into vials of E?
edit: found it. it was in a stickied thread here.
17
Ocommie63 [she/her] - 2.2yr
Hello everyone, I hope you all have a great week, much love and stay safe 🥰🥰🥰🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🥰🥰🥰
17
Goblinmancer [any] - 2.2yr
Amazing how Caesar doesnt even pay you or give anything to entice you to support his LARPING slaver army, like he literally expects the Courier to just blindly follow his orders . Legion route is literally one of those evil fallout choices thats really just picked for contrarianism.
17
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
ok but it's worth it to hear the guy scream his head off about how inferior women are forbidden from his combat arena though
13
Goblinmancer [any] - 2.2yr
Nevermind that the final boss of the arena fight is a female NCR ranger lol.
12
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
Cognitive dissonance all the way down
12
milistanaccount09 [she/her] - 2.2yr
the woman I've been texting on HER just looked up who halimede is and has demanded to know why I have 'halimede lover' in my profile
17
DerEwigeAtheist [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.2yr
I thought I would hesitate at least some when I got my hormones, but that really wasn't the case. I had made that decision months ago, after all, and kept affirming it.
Also I don't trust these patches, I know that they are real, but they look so, innotious(if that is the right word). And it has been 4 days, and I have not magically transformed, so there is reason for doubt.
17
FemboyStalin [she/her,any] - 2.2yr
I shot guns this weekend for the first time. If you're able to find a leftist gun club in your area I'd fully recommend doing it. I feel so much more comfortable with the amount of training I've gotten already and am now considering purchasing a gun for myself at some point.
17
Beetle_O_Rourke - 2.2yr
/c/guns
2
Tommasi [she/her, pup/pup's] - 2.2yr
Ow.
I don't have to desperately fight against facial hair any more like I did before starting HRT and laser, when I would get multiple cuts on my face almost every day trying to get a smooth face, but today I relaxed a bit too much when shaving and got reminded that razors are still very sharp and can cut you, even when your hairs are less coarse.
16
Goblinmancer [any] - 2.2yr
Fallout lore: omg chems are bad drugs are bad!!!!!
Chems in actual game: pretty much super serums
16
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
Although it's probably too early to call anything at 11 days HRT, I think I might faintly feel... something here. I work a very stressful/difficult job that I get angry at a lot (with unfortunately good health insurance so I can't just up and quit), but I can feel something different in the way I handle the stress/anger. Like, there used to be this sharp urge that made you want to throw shit against the wall or scream at something that is still there but... dampened? I'm still mad at shit but it feels much easier/more natural to just kind of keep it inside of me without the urge of lashing out
15
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
So I've been reading Dungeon Meshi for my mulched brain and... she wants to stop being a catgirl???
Meow nya, miss! Absolutely not relatable at all.
15
Cromalin [she/her] - 2.2yr
kbity wants to stop being kbity
9
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
Incomprehensible, worst thing I've read all day. How could this happen? Who would do such a thing??
7
Cromalin [she/her] - 2.2yr
society tells kbity it's not ok to be kbity, kbity thinks she must change herself to better fit society
this sounds like a halimede tweet now that i'm reading it back
My endo put me on 4mg injections every two weeks. Learning about how valerate tends to have high peaks and low troughs is starting to make sense with how i feel in the days leading to my injection and the days after, though i suppose that could be purely psychological.
Also kinda want to get into DIY because I saw that EEn tends to give more consistent levels but i dunno how I'm going to justify that when my insurance is also providing facial hair removal. Maybe I should switch once that runs its course or I change jobs/lose my insurance.
I guess for now I'll try and advocate for myself with my endo and see if I can be put on a higher/more frequent dosage
15
Tommasi [she/her, pup/pup's] - 2.2yr
Two weeks between EV injections sounds extremely sketchy, the half-life is only like 3 or 4 days. I wouldn't be surprised if that has some sort of impact on your mood.
14
Babs [she/her] - 2.2yr
Are you on an AA? 4mg/2 weeks of EV seems low from my experience. The mood thing is real though. I used to take 7-8mg EV/week monotherapy and would often get a really low mood the day before taking it. EEn helped with that.
EV has a short halflife. If your doctor isn't open to upping your dose, more frequent is probably not a bad idea.
14
good_girl [she/her, they/them] - 2.2yr
I am taking an AA thankfully. I'll go get a blood test next week and see what my endo says afterwards
10
SnowySkyes - 2.2yr
The doctor appointments just keep on coming for me. Had another one today with my other surgeon.
::: spoiler Medical stuff
Gotta get a CAT scan on my stomach for some pain I’m dealing with that shouldn’t be there. Also set up for a colonoscopy. I hope nothing serious is going on :x
:::
Also been on edge today. Had a horrific nightmare last night that has thrown me completely off kilter. I feel awful as it has inadvertently been taken out on my partners by getting snippy and stuff. I’ve since smoothed things over, but still. I hate when I get like that.
15
Moss [they/them] - 2.2yr
I'm sleepy. I'm also agender so this counts as a trans mood. I would love a shower and then a nice clean bed
15
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
14
WhatAnOddUsername [any] - 2.2yr
This is such a weird little thing, but I write in an online journal app every day, and I had the thought last night, "What if I played with the font and text to make it pink and feminine-looking?"
This feels like a joke, and maybe it sounds like a joke, but for some reason, typing with a pink, slightly-more-girly font made me feel a bit "lighter". It is so weird. For some reason, I have this association between visually customizing the everyday things around you (e.g. using colourful pens and notebooks, putting stickers on things) as being very "girly", in a way that I used to avoid, and am, deep into my adulthood, finally starting to embrace.
14
good_girl [she/her, they/them] - 2.2yr
Got my laser hair removal auth in the mail on wednesday and I got some kind of sick on thursday.
I'm so mad, I really wanted to start it this weekend but now I have to wait til next weekend because these fucking losers at my work can't be assed to stay home when they're sick.
On the bright side I did get to meet my potential new roommates this week, one of them is my friend's partner and is NB, and the other is a trans woman. Suddenly I get to be around other queer people and it's completely by chance. They're both very leftist which is super cool, but we'll have to see exactly where they fall. Things they've both said make me think they're open to marxism but you never know.
14
Tommasi [she/her, pup/pup's] - 2.2yr
I'm not saying all femboys are eggs, but when they inevitably have to chose between twink death or E, a disproportionate amount seem to realise they're maybe a bit trans after all.
14
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
OH GOD OF FUCK I'M STARTING TO FEEL GIRL EMOTIONS ABOUT THINGS OH GOD OH FUCK
14
BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 2.2yr
idk how to tag this so I'm going to go for "dated language" even though that isn't really right and there's not any slurs. Also negativity. And uh, maybe some dysphoria posting. Just assume the worst I suppose.
::: spoiler spoiler
I don't know why I'm even thinking about being trans. Its like I'm being swallowed up by a whirlpool. I don't want to be trans, so why can't I just be okay with being a guy? Its so hard, and so confusing, and I'm not even trans yet. And if I do decide that's just going to be worse. I'll be ugly, and manish, and embarrassed. It'd be horrible. I can't do it. I'm trapped and drowning. I just... can't be trans. Why is my mind even thinking about doing it? I... I just have to stay. Why can't I go back? Why am I more and more upset... I just don't get it. Please brain, just let me live in peace. I used to be fine being a guy, why can't we go back? Whatever. I'm rambling and idk how well any of you will be able to follow anyway so I'm cutting it off here.
I'm so horrible looking too
:::
I don't even know why I'm posting. No one can help. I guess, even as fucking pathetic as it is, knowing a few people are sympathetic will be reassuring.
It's actually true, it's inevitable. Every single time. Even the (please excuse the language) bricks are pretty.
5
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
When she says "buh my ribcage is wide!" bitch too bad, very cute.
4
khizuo [ze/zir] - 2.2yr
10
Tommasi [she/her, pup/pup's] - 2.2yr
I think a lot of trans people can relate to these sorts of feelings. I used to think being trans was this inescapable curse and that everything about it was just gonna be horrible and difficult and staying in the closet all my life would be preferable.
But transitioning has been the best decision of my life, and I'm way happier than I ever was as cis and nothing have been nearly as impossible as I thought.
8
catter [comrade/them, she/her] - 2.2yr
This is my experience as well, especially in being late to connect the dots due to a lot of repression.
Hugs
8
BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 2.2yr
But why are the dots even there, and why now and why are some dots missing. And why do they have to connect I don't feel like I've been repressing anything (okay well for the last 6~ months maybe but not before that)
Thanks I appreciate it and you sharing.
4
catter [comrade/them, she/her] - 2.2yr
I wish I had any answers either :/ I will say though, I used to think my life would have to be ugly because I had to live it with my AGAB. It's freeing to know I can choose to make it beautiful in my own way 💜
5
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
7
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
::: spoiler talking about dirt_owl subject
it's too early to tell if the T suppression is working but the spiro is clearly doing something to me. not only am i pissing way more but it even smells different. i think i can faintly even smell the spiro in my urine now. this is wild
:::
13
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
::: spoiler owlposting
Yeah the change in pee smell must be fuckin awesome for watersports enthusiasts =)
:::
8
BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 2.2yr
:jesse-wtf: I am never reading owl posting again
9
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
::: spoiler owl subject
yeah lmao. every time i piss now i keep thinking about how hot it would be if i somehow got a piss kink. am i turned on by this? no, but if someone was into piss they'd be horny as fuck and that's funny
:::
6
AutomatedPossum [she/her] - 2.2yr
::: spoiler I'm going to make this worse somehow
While we were discussing a certain gender neutral bathroom in the UK, a friend of mine recently stated that a piss kink might be the only excuse to get a Maggie Thatcher tattoo. I think that's a bit much dedication to a bit, or to piss, but i think it's worth mentioning in this context, beause it just doesn't feel right when a transfem conversation about piss doesn't include Thatcher.
:::
8
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
keep feeling like i want to cry at how hard i spent 20+ years trying to be a boy/man and how i just couldn't
wait, no, there are the tears. i feel them now
13
Edie [it/its] - 2.2yr
WTF did y'all read to realise you were trans? I'm in a very mood.
13
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness. I mentioned to a friend about how I I jokingly told myself that if I was so touch starved I could hire a prostitute about it and how that joke suddenly became super painful when I realized that if I hired a prostitute the thing I'd want more than anything to do with her is to be the little spoon while she ran her fingers through my hair while we were clothed. My friend then mentioned how that basically happened in MLEWL too
i'm very emotionally well adjusted :3
11
SnowySkyes - 2.2yr
My egg fully cracked when I was at Anthrocon 2022. I had an artist named "Dark Natasha" commissioned to make a new badge for me. I had been questioning myself for some time prior to this, but I couldn't come to accept it for various reasons. I was originally just going to ask for a "more femme" badge of my fursona, but after fighting with myself, I changed it to straight female. Over the next 24 hours, I was agonizing over it and terrified as all hell. I knew deep down inside that it would change my life, but I didn't want to accept it. I ended up waiting until right before the Dealer's Den closed the day for pick-up before I picked it up. Once I did, I picked it up and took one look at it. I was entranced by it and just starting bawling in the middle of a rather decently sized crowd. In that moment, my life was changed forever. I finally came to accept that I was trans.
What finally made me fully accept that I was trans and put my worries to the sword was that I was about a year and a half into my transition. I had been fighting and fighting to change my life and change my appearance hard. I put a ton of effort into everything I had done up to that point. I had voice trained for a long time. I had changed my clothes. I had changed just about every aspect of my social self. I still had prying questions into myself and was wondering if I actually was truly trans (for various reasons that I shan't get into). Then I decided to think on it and came to a very simple conclusion. Who in their mind would willingly change their lives with such a great amount of effort? I mean, I even estranged family and was very shortly getting bottom surgery. I also oft proclaimed that I would absolutely refuse to ever go back to who I used to be. Who would do this if they were cis? Literally no one. And then finally the questions ceased. Now, I live my best life. I'm truly happy for the first time in my life. And you know what? I woudn't exchange it for anything.
11
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
Alternative answer: when you're posting in the trans mega with a trans flag in your username
9
SnowySkyes - 2.2yr
That's a open-ended question when you think about it. Do you mean what caused my egg to crack or what made me stop questioning myself?
9
Ocommie63 [she/her] - 2.2yr
For me it was really when I asked my parents if I could shave my legs, and when they said no, I went up into my room an cried for like an hour, I knew then that I was trans because if I wasnt then why would I can so much about this.
6
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
::: spoiler on my bullshit
This probably won't be helpful but I'll just go off. I read this fucking book called Annabelle by Kathleen Winters, and I was a pretty dense kid so this was literally the first time I had ever heard that it was possible to physically change your body to match your gender. So after that I started yelling at people that I was gonna get on hormones and everyone was gonna call me by some new name I'd not yet decided.
I honestly wish I could remember more of my thought process from back then, what drove me. I know my brain tends to work oppositionally, and I found the upcoming physical effects of testosterone to be really incredibly unpleasant, so I was like, yeah the other one. Estrogen. I also did realise that I looked at all the women in my life with as much envy as anything else. Is it really a crush if you just wanna be her, kid? Do you wanna be her or kiss her???? Answer: both.
So basically I guess, being a man was a gross and nasty prospect to me--I got bodyslammed really hard by that one "Are you sure you want to spend the rest of your life as a man?" manga screencap--and I really wanted to be pretty like all the girls I saw, so I did lmao. I dunno if I really felt "gender" about it, because while I enjoy fem outfits and selfcare and stuff now and then, binary gender is actually so fake and I don't have one, maybe at all. I like being a drowned lesbian rodent now ✨
:::
6
DerEwigeAtheist [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.2yr
I was never especially gender conforming as a child, but I began to suspect something when a school forced me to have short hair, really hated that. It took a few more years and a lot of introspection and education to decide on what I wanted. One night, while I was once again laying awake agonycing over my gender, I decided enough was enough and that a decicion was to be made, and from there on the path was clearer-ish(I still don't really like labels, I just want to be feminine)
4
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
Oh wow! Meeting another trans woman off of craigslist this weekend mayhaps to look at me becoming her roommate. no more lying about my name or gender at home!
12
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
too many pretty girls give me big gender envy today :(
12
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
very silly transition goals:
i want to win a MTG tournament at my local game store so I can have my name posted on their facebook page or a plaque on the wall or whatever. i have no idea if they hold pauper tournaments and i'm too broke to play any other format though
11
🎀 Seryph (She/Her) - 2.2yr
Incredibly valid, I want to do the exact same but with Age of Sigmar ngl
7
🎀 Seryph (She/Her) - 2.2yr
Just bought 10 different pieces for outfits, feeling incredibly cute.
11
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
these big ass drawing needles are bullshit. they're big fuckin needles but they still take like a minute to draw out .4ml of gel
11
Kuori [she/her, pup/pup's] - 2.2yr
careful with large drawing needles. if your vials (i'm assuming) have that rubber stopper you'll punch pieces of it into the vial
it's better to use a small one and just eat the time commitment
10
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
LITERALLY INJECTING MACROPLASTICS DIRECTLY INTO MY BLOOD LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOO
anyway, they only gave me some 22 gauge drawing needles so i'm just going to assume that's what they meant for me to use. i guess i can look for some smaller injection needles next time around though
9
Kuori [she/her, pup/pup's] - 2.2yr
i think the risk is more rendering the contents no longer sterile than it is sucking up bits of rubber and injecting them (though that probably isn't good either)
22g is probably okay, i was worried they started you on 18g needles like they did me
it's called vial coring. you can look up techniques to avoid it, just searching the term on youtube should steer you right
10
SnowySkyes - 2.2yr
I draw and inject with 23g needles, so you should be fine.
8
frankfurt_schoolgirl [she/her] - 2.2yr
I did exactly this. When I called my doctor about that, she said to try and avoid getting the rubber bits in the syringe when I fill it, which was not comforting.
7
Kuori [she/her, pup/pup's] - 2.2yr
doctors are rarely comforting, i find
def look into the proper draw technique to avoid vial coring if you still have this issue.
4
Edie [it/its] - 2.2yr
[A lot of shit that can be summed up as Am I trans?]
10
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
::: spoiler Dungeon Meshi spam except no spoilers, it's just
Sorry if this is even less relevant than usual, I just have thoughts n feelings is all.
Okay I've enjoyed Dungeon Meshi enough up till now, but it goes from "yeah why not" to "AWWWW YEAH BISH" when kbity is introduced.
Witness her, gaze upon her need for pets.
She's so cute and silly, "like she's reverted to a childlike state" NO, Marcille, she is in the most natural and correct state: nuzzling for headpats!!!
Is Izutsumi the best catgirl? This is great ngl. I could read more of this.
:::
10
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 2.2yr
It's really fun that she's a catgirl instead of catgirl
8
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
7
Edie [it/its] - 2.2yr
Please continue your posting, it is very good.
I'm wondering if I should give you a paw in good posting.
Edit: Holy shit my Linux install is crapping out. Can't even open inspect in Firefox without FF crashing.
3
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
reinstall time, damn I wish we had that emote
3
Edie [it/its] - 2.2yr
I know, but I've been putting reinstall off since I wasn't sure if I wanted to use a different distro.
Suggest it. If it becomes an emote, I'll make a hexbear account (I've also been putting this off).
3
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
Trying out the cheapo storebrand conditioner and discovering that it turns your hair into a bunch of majestic curly tendrils. My hair behaves straightish-to-wavy since it's weighed down, so I'm happy to find a goofy conditioner that makes it springy again
10
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
cheapo store brand shampoo and conditioner has zero business working as well as it does
6
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
Only downside is the kinda chemical-ish smell, but saves me three bucks over name brand =)
6
Des [she/her, they/them] - 2.2yr
i think if i can get it together enough to call a teledoc to get hair pills i might be able to do more later
10
Jenniferrr [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.2yr
Pretty sure estrogen is just making my anxiety go absolutely crazy. I pretty much had a mental breakdown last night and I still feel like there's an elephant on my chest today. I just want my brain to be normal. I don't want to detransition either :( I'm so upset I wish I could go back to before all these intrusive thoughts started it's ruining my life :(
10
khizuo [ze/zir] - 2.2yr
From one intrusive thoughts haver to another, what you've described in past posts sounds like OCD to me. If it's taking over your life, it's no longer really subclinical imo. I wish I had a good solution, but to be honest I'm still mired in this hell myself and trying to claw out of it.
Here's an OCD channel that helps me sometimes when I get really stuck in my head and need some perspective that it's not just me.
7
Jenniferrr [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.2yr
Also thank you for the resource. I have watched a few videos now and really he is so right about just sitting with the thoughts but my god it's so much easier said than done. I'm gonna really try though
6
Jenniferrr [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.2yr
I'm hoping it's something that goes away with adjustment of my hormones. I want to get my levels checked today but I'm trying to figure out if my doctor put in an order for me... I'm just hoping there's a more simple fix for this because I spent a lot of my life with for sure intrusive thoughts and anxiety but this is some other beast, I've never felt this shit for so long and I'm so so so scared that it means that I can't be on estrogen or something...
Somehow I just need to not care about the thoughts, or just kinda ignore them which is what I did my whole life. I need to get back to there but it seems impossible
6
khizuo [ze/zir] - 2.2yr
Haha... sitting with my thoughts instead of doing mental compulsions? What's that?
I've also had the experience where my intrusive thoughts and anxiety flared after a period where they were present but not a huge problem. For me it happened a few years ago. I think this is a relatively common experience with OCD; at least I've seen other people describe similar things. I hope things get better for you.
5
Jenniferrr [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.2yr
Hopefully you've had moments of relief over the last few years at least. This lasting years is... horrifying. Have you had any luck with medications?
4
khizuo [ze/zir] - 2.2yr
I have, I should try to get back on them again.
Are you seeing a therapist or anything? In my experience most therapists are... not very well-equipped to handle and treat OCD and I still haven't had luck with finding a therapist I like. I've been thinking about seeking out an OCD therapist specifically. It's unfortunately a really poorly understood mental health issue for how well-known it is.
4
Jenniferrr [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.2yr
Fuxking OCD therapy is so expensive. Wondering if my insurance covers NOCD or whatever that app is. I've also been listening to an audio book- "Freedom from Obsessive compulsive disorder" and that's been good. It's on spotify for free if you already pay for spotify
5
Jenniferrr [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.2yr
Yeah, my therapist strongly doesn't believe that I have it and thinks I just need to like, fight the thoughts and tell myself they are wrong and stuff (this absolutely doesn't help me because I already know that intrusive thoughts are just that, intellectually. But it doesn't feel this way, which is the problem and I'm neber 100% sure either)
5
khizuo [ze/zir] - 2.2yr
Specialized OCD treatment is definitely way too expensive, it's an issue. Also, worrying that your intrusive thoughts aren't intrusive is another common thing in OCD.
3
SnowySkyes - 2.2yr
Been feeling weirdly sick the last few days. Stomach pain, fatigue, and nausea have been running rampant lately. Not the normal kind of stomach pain I usually find myself with either. Gods that testing can’t come soon enough.
9
BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 2.2yr
So I've been playing Celeste recently and heard somewhere on here there's a fan theory/something like that that she's trans. Is there a good video on the topic, maybe explaining what some of the things represent? or at least tell me what the hotel owner guy is
I don’t think it’s a theory. I think the creator confirmed it as such. If I remember correctly, it was a sort of Matrix thing where it’s a trans allegory, but it was only recognized after the creator’s egg cracked.
11
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
The game has trans flags in it iirc =)
7
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
WHY HAIR SO SHORT
9
BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 2.2yr
No one is ever, ever going to find me attractive :cri:
9
Wake [she/her, they/them] - 2.2yr
It's been 6 months since I last got a haircut. Got it cut in December before the holidays. It's starting to get kind of long now. Or at least the longest it's ever been. It's kinda getting hard to manage. It isn't long enough to pull back into a pony tail, but it's too long to neatly fit under a hat.
9
khizuo [ze/zir] - 2.2yr
I hate my OCD
8
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
hey uhhhh my left tiddy feels weird again. there's a mild pain/pressure underneath there :)))
there's no way that it's what I think it is, especially this soon on HRT, right? this is way too soon for that
8
Tommasi [she/her, pup/pup's] - 2.2yr
It takes some time before actual breast tissue starts to form, but changes to nipples/aerola come very fast, along with the soreness. Ymmv if you find that gender affirming, or just annoying that you can't wear white shirts any more.
10
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
Ymmv if you find that gender affirming, or just annoying that you can't wear white shirts any more.
they always poked through anyway. though if that's affirming? idk get back to me in 2 weeks
8
khizuo [ze/zir] - 2.2yr
The desire to wear fun outfits vs the autism sensory overload...
8
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
This internal tug-of-war is brutal. I try to balance them, I like loose billowy flannels in the summer.
8
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
Conspicuous Catgirl Midriff
8
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
::: spoiler Dungeon Meshi 61, spoiler free tho
Okay this bit with Kabru and the canary captain is fucking silly.
Here we have these two, who look exactly like beautiful lesbians... walking around calling eachother "he" and "him". It's absurd.
My honest reaction to the information that these two are apparently just cis men:
To cope, one might envision them as fem trans men, or indeed different varieties of he/him lesbians having undergone top surgery. Literally anything else but this empty-headed draw a girl, call them a boy shit, rrrrrgh why why why
NNNOOOO REEEEEEEEEEE
:::
7
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
have to listen to three seconds of dial up tone now before i tell people what name i've decided to use with them now
7
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
::: spoiler Absurd bookposting
Dear chat, if you have read Light from Uncommon Stars by Ryka Aoki, did you enjoy it? Is it good? What's the right amount of internalised transphobia and external turmoil for a protagonist to undergo?
:::
7
Cromalin [she/her] - 2.2yr
::: spoiler books
i have not read it yet but my mom bought it for me for christmas because she heard it was trans. i know literally nothing about it beyond that
i think even intense internalized transphobia could be interesting to explore but i would need someone i trusted to tell me it handled it well first. does light from uncommon stars have a lot?
:::
4
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
::: spoiler uh oh
Oh shit that's scary, damn!!!!! Hell of a thing., mom..
Light from Uncommon Stars has a LOT. Author Ryka Aoki wrote an interesting short story in The Collection(Topside Press, 2012) called To The New World which has about the same, I'd say it's two steps off of /tttt/ brainworms. I would advise checking CWs before you start!
:::
4
Cromalin [she/her] - 2.2yr
::: spoiler spoiler
hmmm.... i'll read it at some point then but i definitely need to be in the right headspace. if it's even remotely close to /tttt/ brainworms it's SO funny that my mom (who is incredibly awkward about gender with me) got it for me
:::
4
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
::: spoiler late night cat post
MOST CURSED KBITY
She's fuckin WASTED on this manga, chat.
WAAAASTED
She's even the volcel police:
Naturally asexual catgirl-san:
I just think shes funny...
I would buy this mini maybe.
Why does she only get a few chapters to shine? Why does Dungeon Messy devolve into a weird shounen action manga for the last like forty chapters? Why haven't Marcille and Izutsumi kissed?? WHY AM I DISAPPOINTED AGAIN AAAAAA
The VOLCEL POLICE are on the scene! PLEASE KEEP YOUR VITAL ESSENCES TO YOURSELVES AT ALL TIMES.
نحن شرطة VolCel.بناءا على تعليمات الهيئة لترويج لألعاب الفيديو و النهي عن الجنس نرجوا الإبتعاد عن أي أفكار جنسية و الحفاظ على حيواناتكم المنويَّة حتى يوم الحساب. اتقوا الله، إنك لا تراه لكنه يراك.
3
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.2yr
Okay yeah, fair, Idk.
5
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
not only does my chest feel faintly sore now, it keep feeling... crooked? it doesn't look any different but i keep feeling the need to basically adjust my tits as if that's how it work
6
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2.2yr
it's been over 2 months now and i still keep getting surprised when i tell myself i'm trans lol
6
BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 2.2yr
::: spoiler dysphoria
even looking at my arms right now is making me cry. Whats wrong with me. Why, just why hexbear. It hurts. Why are things getting worse not better
:::
SnowySkyes in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
Trans Megathread for the Week of 5/6 - 5/12
I hope everyone had a great week last week. Hopefully this one turns out even better for everyone.
Finally got around to messing with eyeliner and... I cried.
I saw myself in the mirror and I saw myself.
And I laugh-cried out of joy.
It's so wild how something so seemingly small can be so significant.
It's finally starting to feel real.
honestly mood. i took some really nice "selfies" of myself a couple weeks ago that i thought i looked nice in because the really cheap webcam and warm lighting softened my face super hard. looking at them now i don't even think i look particularly femme, masc, or androgynous, but i look adorable, and the only "filter" was a 240p resolution. It really didn't take much
Congrats!! Eyeliner can be hard to start learning but it's really fun! And it doesn't take much to look really femme, even just a tiny stubby wing and half your upper eye adds a lot.
I learned liquid liner cause I like big bold wings. It's hard but if you keep doing it, you'll get it.
Yeah! I'm starting with liquid liner and I'm sure I'll learn it quickly enough. Thankfully my girlfriend is big into makeup so I have a bit of guidance.
Happy Monday
Friends have been using my pronouns. My family stopped using any pronouns for me. I'll take that as a win.
I want to take T but also I haven’t come out to anyone yet and I don’t have a plan for how to do it
I already have a weird teen boy moustache without ever taking T so I’m really eager to see how powerful it will become with T
While I can't legally tell you how to do it right now, it's much smaller of a deal than people will have you believe. I DIY T without my family knowing and can answer questions you have here or on Discord if you want.
o.O I'm curious.
been reading about half of this "basic biology" textbook now and it's mostly shit about what kind of animals are herbivores. when do i get to the part where it says that trans people aren't real? i keep getting told by terfs to read this shit but i can't figure out why
Fun basic biology fact: Took part in a bar quiz on Saturday and one round was "name the parts of the vulva" and i could just rattle off all the medical terms like introitus vaginale because of my pre bottom surgery doctor-patient-talk and the paperwork with my insurance i had to file after that and all the cis women in the team where like "wth you're awesome how does anybody who isn't a doctor know this". Meanwhile another team couldn't find the clit, got super mad about it and started complaining to the organizers.
Bonus rage: There were women on that team.
That just makes me sad
oh gee, do i have some news for you about "herbivores"
https://i.imgur.com/0jtzgEu.jpeg
Noooo animals have to fit into three neat little boxes you can't just leave your box like that
down with cis
Thanks for the heads up, i've edited the post accordingly
More and more people are saying this.
gotta buy a bus
Recently watched a video of me from 4+ years ago and realized the closet was made of glass. Everyone in my wife's family and many of her friends had clocked me as a gay man, but that couldn't be because I was in a straight marriage 🤔 Everyone knew I was queer but me lol
This happen to anyone else???
Lots of love
oh wow, gender envy actually hurts really fucking bad
I'm not ready yet to come out.
That's perfectly fine and good, take it at your own pace and try to keep yourself comfortable and safe 💜
Thank you!
Solidarity with my trans masc Brothers who have to bind their chest at all. I'm still not out to my family, but my boobs are getting pretty noticeable even when I wear a tight sports bra.
Had to use a bra I ordered that was way too small for me and remove the pads to make my boobs as flat as possible. Ouch. I salute you who do it for most of your day.
Just be careful as binding can damage the tissue. Sorry if you’re already aware of this.
I did not!
::: spoiler goofy bloomer posting, navelgazing All that blogging I did about body hair last mega feels really incredibly healthy to me. Between that and realising I never identified that closely with the "woman" label, I feel extremely at peace about me rn. I value this feeling of being at peace with my body, I'll never fucking ever take it for granted. I am zen, satisfied. Unbothered. Moisturised. Flourishing. Happy. In my lane. Not focused though 'cause lmao.
One of the problems I had was, I always knew it didn't work like this for everybody else, but in terms of myself transition and gender were so tied up in the medical aspect, because that was the biggest change in my life then, that I couldn't really consider it in more granularity, 'cause my stupid brain would go "if my gender changes, some physical or presentational aspect of me must also change". Plus the fact that I'm indifferent to they/them pronouns confused my tiny mind somewhat.
I also think my sad tiny mind needed the "woman" label back then, kid me sort of clung to it for a sense of validity. It was something I could angrily assert at people if they questioned me. But now I'm a lot more chill, (cohabiting with my wife, long removed from the struggles of obtaining HRT) I've come far enough to decouple all that stuff in my brain, really consider it for myself, interrogate it thoroughly, and it's made me feel a lot better. I don't feel like such a weird, out-of-place non-trans-woman, I am content to just be a vaguely transfeminine lesbian critter and not worry about it. To look at myself and my body and realise how content I am, that it really truly brings me joy being just how I am now. :::
::: spoiler late night blehposting Sometimes I feel sad about starting HRT in my 30s. I feel like I'll always regret spending my 20s trying so desperately to live up to everyone's expectations while disregarding my own. Not even fully understanding what I wanted because I wouldn't listen to myself. I wouldn't allow myself the truth. Told myself to just keep going, it didn't matter which direction. Every direction is away from where I was, who I was. Gaslighted myself. Ignored that voice until I couldn't any longer. Drowned her out with drink and drugs until that stopped working too. It came to a point where there was no more distractions and no more escape. Some eggs crack gracefully from within. But eggs that crack under external pressure only fall to pieces. Whether I was ready or not, I had to find myself and put myself back together in a configuration that fit me.
I am glad I ultimately figured it out even if it was not in the graceful way and I'm happy with myself and how far I've come even if it took me awhile. Though I can't help but wonder how things would be now if I had been stronger and braver and ready to cut ties sooner. If I had started HRT in my 20s (or through some miracle, my teens), would I feel better about myself if testosterone had less time to do its damage? Would I feel like less of an outlier and more connected if I was closer to the average age of the wider community when I started? How different would my life be now if only I could've found my way sooner and not worried so much about the opinions of others? Would I be spending less of my time writing all this self-absorbed sadsack shit online an hour after I should be asleep and more time touching grass? (probably not that last one) :::
If it's any consolation, I turn 37 in a few weeks and my egg cracked in January. I have my first appointment for hrt next month.
I deeply resonate with this. You're definitely not alone with these feelings.
I feel this in my bones. I frequently wish I'd spent less of my late teens and twenties trying to be a good christian boy and more figuring out who I actually am, instead of pushing all that so deep down that I didn't even realize it was there until I started deprogramming in my late 20s and finally ran across the concept of non-cis gender identities in my early 30s.
Saaaame timeline for me too! So much time living to other peoples expectations, suppressing every hint of personality or self expression if it conflicted with what was "proper". It's a bit sad to think about lost time, but I love who I am today and the broken pieces of my past life are slowly healing or finally being shed as dead weight.
One thing that we have to do is to try and not blame ourselves for our lack of action or awareness in our pasts. Constantly miring ourselves with “What ifs?” generally doesn’t lead to anywhere fruitful and just hogs one down with a large heaping pile of dysphoria. In my experiences, it has been very helpful to just focus on the here and now. Note that you’re making changes now. You are moving towards a better future for yourself. Even though you’re doing it later in life, you’re still making strides to becoming the real you.
I started HRT shortly after my egg cracked at 32. I was completely blind to myself and couldn’t see that I was trans. I never had the ability for introspection. It took me a long, agonizing time to finally look at myself and see myself. And, at the end of the day, I felt the exact same way you did. I lamented that I didn’t see the shell around me for so long. I felt that I missed a chance on life. However, as the changed came and I started to see the pathway to a better future for myself, all of it started to melt away. Now I feel that it would’ve been nice to start earlier, but you know what, I’m there. I’m doing right for myself. I’m decently far towards my goals. I’m living the life I was meant to this very moment. So I set my eyes towards my future and let the past be the past. After all, we can’t change our past, but we have the power to direct our futures.
being 1 week on HRT is like sitting in the rollercoaster with the chest bar thingy over you and your seatbelt fastened but the ride hasn't actually started yet so you're just sitting them like "yep, big changes soon" while literally nothing perceivable is happening nor can you expect anything to for a while longer either
Give it just a tiny bit more time and the seatbelt will hurt your nipples so badly that it will become your main posting topic.
It's excruciatingly painful lol
it's way too fucking early to be it but my left tiddy does feel funny today
actually yeah my left arm feels like i just got an injection in it too wtf. there hasn't been a needle in there for years
actually i'm pretty sure that i just slept on my arm funny and cut off the circulation, which does not give you bigger tits. which is a shame because if it did i'd have G cups by now
We love a good twist ending, don't we folks
Not to excite you too too much, but breast growth can still start pretty early, I felt the pain for the first time less than a month after I started taking my E pills. (~3 weeks to be more specific). That feeling definitely isn't it though, the actual feeling is a sharp pain the first few times.
Also for the love of god don't wear blouses without a bra. Trust me.
The physical changes will come soon
For me the mental changes were fairly quick. Just a few weeks in.
I've been stuck in a first aid refresher course all day with a bunch of decrepit twats from the local côr meibion who threw a fit about the gender options on the forms that were handed 'round.
I swear to God if I hear one more fucker say,
::: spoiler CW: transphobia "There's only two genders and if you're somehow confused about what one you are, look in your trousers." :::
, the class' gonna get a live example of how to treat lacerations.
Death to cishets, etc, etc.
I’m not gonna lie, but I would be openly hostile towards these people and probably get thrown out. These fuckers need reeducated in the gulag. But I am heavily combative with this shit and probably why I’ll never have stable work.
There are not words for how badly I wanted to throw hands but, like, kicking the shit out of a couple of the old men who sing at funerals would get me a bit more than dirty looks around town so... What could I do really?
During the lunch break, the bloke administering the classes went on this rant about Vaughn Gething conspiring against whites, so I didn't have much hope for help there either.
I didn’t mean physical assault, but rather berating them and being an asshole. Making sure they regret their life choices.
::: spoiler TERF island shit So his majesty's government seized the website for the company I get my hrt from about two weeks ago (well actually it was seized by the MHRA Criminal Enforcement Unit technically). Fuck the British government
.
The second domain is still accessible, at least in the states. So maybe not fully seized? Maybe a vpn/dns change would let you access it?
Also :meow-hug: I hope you're able to find another solution
I wore a binder today for the first time in a while and god it was so hot and uncomfortable lol. I don't have intense chest dysphoria but I'm going to get top surgery just for the purpose of never having to worry about binding ever again. It's mostly a sensory thing for me.
THEY DO BE
tfw girlkisser...
Tomorrow will make my first week of full time girlmoding. Also I graduated college and just moved to a new city.
I want to say that I'm incredibly happy because I've sort of achieved everything I've been working for over the last couple of years. But honestly this is so fucking stressful. Like I'm very obviously visiblly trans still, and my voice is inconsistent, so I have no idea how people are perceiving me. I think I pass to some older people? Most people have been very nice so far, but maybe too nice sometimes? Like I'm pretty sure when a younger person gives me a random compliment out of nowhere it means I got clocked. Idk the uncertainty is very difficult.
But also its weird being away from friends and family. It's far from the first time I've been isolated, or that I've moved to a new place, but it seems different now. Maybe because I've been way more social than normal over the last few months, and that's over now for the time being. Idk my roommate is cool, but he's the only person I really know well here. Also, it's just hard to go from being so busy for the last few months to absolutely nothing.
Also I have have to start my new job while out as trans. Which is terrifying. Like idk I'll feel ok probably once I've gotten started, and my name and stuff is all correct, and I have a general feel for how I will be treated. But the next month or two is going to be rough.
Women compliment each other all the time. Doesn't matter if we're cis or trans, doesn't matter if we get clocked or not, it's just something we do. Not only because it's polite, not only because we've all been indoctrinated by the patriarchy to need affirmation and try to help each other out with that, but usually, most of the time, because we just mean it. The biggest favor you can do to yourself is to learn to take a compliment. You're not exempt from being beautiful just because you're trans, and you don't have to pass for that, either. And honestly, it doesn't fucking matter if you get clocked or not when people are nice and respectful to you. There are people out there who don't mind if you are trans. Tons of them.
Ok honestly you're so right about this. I'm unironically lucky to get awkward complements instead of be called slurs.
Why? Perhaps instead they just genuinely like whatever they complimented about you?
It is really stressful to start a job when fulltime like this though, hoping it goes well for you
Fwiw, I found most people in a work environment (who aren't utter freaks anyway) won't want to linger on stuff like your gender and will move on without issue. Even working a blue collar job I didn't really have any troubles myself.
::: spoiler cw: facial hair dysphoria my hatred for shaving and my hatred for hair on my face are in a constant tug-of-war. I've been trying to be okay with having a stubble beard sometimes, but I hate that it gets me automatically read as a man.
learning to accept the masculine physical traits that I have and cannot change is difficult in general, but facial hair is extra hard because I can sorta change it... if I spend hours every week sliding a razor across my face and don't mind constant skin irritation on my face and neck. :::
Laser hair removal does a lot in that regard. It takes some time and money, but it's been a lifesaver for me.
unfortunately laser hair removal is way more expensive than I have the spare cash flow for. really hoping the Sphynx comes through and is reasonably simple to learn to use.
I recently learned that having a moustage was a beauty ideal for iranian women in the 19th century. It is of course not in modern times, but maybe that context can help? There were also some nonbinary identities, but i forgot the name.
huh, that's pretty cool! unfortunately, the issue is largely (1) the beard makes me feel icky, which I'm trying to learn to ignore, and (2) people in western society instantly lose any perception of androgyny or femininity when facial hair is involved.
There's a difference between the vallus hair on a cis woman's face, and the courser terminal hairs that are grown after a testosterone induced puberty.
Sorry, this is a pet peve, when a cis woman friend pulls out the 'I have hairy legs! / I have hair on my face!', honey, its different, i have infact been upclose ans personal with women.
my protip for youse is shave in the shower and try avoid mirrors ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (doesnt help the sensory issues, i just let it grow out a little so its softer tbh)
Cis women are not somehow immune to having terminal hair on their face, plenty of them do.
Taking estrogen also tends to soften out and slow hair growth as well as making it less dense. Anecdotally my wife had some light chest hair that near enough quit growing. YMMV of course.
When a cis woman friend "pulls out" those statements, the point is that body hair should not be associated as a masculine trait somehow, because that's silly.
Since I no longer need to adjust dangly bits when sitting to pee these days, my cats took notice and are now jumping on my lap within five seconds of me sitting down. It’s horribly inconvenient and I would hate it if they weren’t the cutest jerks on the planet.
Aaaaaaa my patch just fell off after my shower and won't stick back on :(
Gonna take one of my last couple pills to compensate for tonight and tomorrow, but does anyone know a decent and cheap tape or something that I can use to keep it stuck better during showers?
Do you make sure to press the patch firmly in place with your hand for about 10 seconds after you apply it? Also, it's best not to moisturize the skin under the patch before you put it on, because it needs the skin to be dry for proper adhesion. Another thing that seems to improve adhesion is to rub the area with rubbing alcohol, letting it dry, and then putting the patch on. I've been on estrogen patches for 6 years now, and it's been impossible for them to come loose in any situation because of how tight the adhesion is.
If you still need some sort of tape, then something like Tegaderm is very effective if you can find it cheap. A single roll of Tegaderm can last you a couple of months.
Ohhhhh it was probably the moisturising the skin that was the problem since I was switching right after a shower, I see. Gonna try to do it fully dry tomorrow then see if it's better. Thank you very much!
How often do you change them, my endo gave my 1.56 mg patches(I think), and told me to change them 4 times per week. Is that a normal amount? the instructions in the manual are obviously not written for my case, but still. Also what would you say are the best places ro apply them? I heard inner thighs.
Those are Estradot patches, right? Their 100 mcg/24 hours patches contain 1.56 mg (or 1560 microgram) in total. The way patches work is that they dispense a certain amount of estrogen per 24 hours, so in this case 100 microgram. You basically never use the entirety of the patch because the amount of estrogen it dispenses drops off after a few days. A 100 mcg patch changed twice a week (every 3 to 4 days) is pretty much the standard dosage. Changing them 4 times a week seems a bit weird to me, because there's no benefit, while being more expensive because your patches don't last as long.
Any place below the waist where the skin doesn't fold is a good place to put the patch. Like your hip, lower stomach or upper buttocks. I tend to alternate between two spots to lessen any irritation on my skin, and to give it some time breathe. Never put the patch on your breasts though, because that can actually increase your chance of getting breast cancer.
Yeah, I was really wondering about that 4 times a week thing, because it was contrary to everything else I ever heard, but if it comes from a doctor I tend to trust it a bit more. If it really does not make a difference though I will stop doing that, since I can only get refills every few months.
You can buy tegaderms to put over them as well (I stole mine from work, I'm a nurse lol)
Will make sure to do this if the dry application doesn't fix the issue for me, thank you!
Gaffa tape probably? or maybe surgical tape?
i want Mexican food
DOWN WITH CIS
if cis is so great then why isn't there cis 2?????
yesssss
today i have sent out one (1) response to a craiglist posting for roommates where i said i was a trans woman looking for housing. progress has been made today :)
it's weird when good things happen partially because of who i am. it's hard to reconcile that with my (admittedly warped) ideas of what being queer means
Bought HRT for someone I know irl and while it makes me feel shallow I really feel meaningful helping other trans people. Life good.
When my tiddies first started, the right one grew wayy faster than the left. It made me a little nervous, that maybe I wouldn't love all the changes that were coming. But I gave it time and focussed on the things that did make happy. The boobies kept growing, and sure enough, even though they're still mildly asymmetric, theyre both lovely little jubblies that make looking in the mirror now so much better
Uuuugujkdsagfnsaesf<;
sorry, needed to get it out of my system
Mood
Im finaling my finals so hard they are final'd
my finals just said assad must go
Hey, where my good girls at in the thread? Report below 👇
Yay, good girl
Aw, what a sweet good girl
Reporting even though I'm bad
Nah still good. Bratty is also good
What a cute good girl over here!!
Yay! Good girl!!
worst girls unite :halimede-growl:
No way!! It's another good girl!
::: spoiler dysmorphia Gaslighting myself every time I look in a mirror. My bf thinks I'm pretty but god damn does it suck to not be able to trust your own lying eyes. :::
!!!
Real as fuck, but unironically other people's eyes are more trustworthy than your own, which is kinda shitty. You're your own worst critic...
If people say nice things about me it's hugboxing.
Tell it to your bf
So like idk if I'm gonna come out with work soon but one of my immediate concerns is - what am I gonna fucking wear?
I do have some sweaters I look cute in but a lot of my clothes are basically showing too much skin for work. Nothing crazy, but they're crops and tank tops and stuff and usually I just accessorize them. I feel like if I wear too many clothes, I just look like a guy and obviously that's no good.
Does anyone have any advice? The environment is professional but I can wear casual clothes - that's what I'm doing right now.
My voice also isn't trained at all so there's that too.
You can get way more femme button ups where the buttons go the other way (which for some reason was decided that's the femme side 🙄). Floral patterns, little hearts etc. Earrings and necklaces are a good way to femme up professionally. You can wear a skirt in business casual too.
Shirts with drapey or balloon-y sleeves feel pretty femme, imo.
time for E shot #2 tonight :))))))
Anyone got a good guide on how to turn raws into vials of E?
edit: found it. it was in a stickied thread here.
Hello everyone, I hope you all have a great week, much love and stay safe 🥰🥰🥰🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🥰🥰🥰
Amazing how Caesar doesnt even pay you or give anything to entice you to support his LARPING slaver army, like he literally expects the Courier to just blindly follow his orders . Legion route is literally one of those evil fallout choices thats really just picked for contrarianism.
ok but it's worth it to hear the guy scream his head off about how inferior women are forbidden from his combat arena though
Nevermind that the final boss of the arena fight is a female NCR ranger lol.
Cognitive dissonance all the way down
the woman I've been texting on HER just looked up who halimede is and has demanded to know why I have 'halimede lover' in my profile
I thought I would hesitate at least some when I got my hormones, but that really wasn't the case. I had made that decision months ago, after all, and kept affirming it.
Also I don't trust these patches, I know that they are real, but they look so, innotious(if that is the right word). And it has been 4 days, and I have not magically transformed, so there is reason for doubt.
I shot guns this weekend for the first time. If you're able to find a leftist gun club in your area I'd fully recommend doing it. I feel so much more comfortable with the amount of training I've gotten already and am now considering purchasing a gun for myself at some point.
/c/guns
Ow.
I don't have to desperately fight against facial hair any more like I did before starting HRT and laser, when I would get multiple cuts on my face almost every day trying to get a smooth face, but today I relaxed a bit too much when shaving and got reminded that razors are still very sharp and can cut you, even when your hairs are less coarse.
Fallout lore: omg chems are bad drugs are bad!!!!!
Chems in actual game: pretty much super serums
Although it's probably too early to call anything at 11 days HRT, I think I might faintly feel... something here. I work a very stressful/difficult job that I get angry at a lot (with unfortunately good health insurance so I can't just up and quit), but I can feel something different in the way I handle the stress/anger. Like, there used to be this sharp urge that made you want to throw shit against the wall or scream at something that is still there but... dampened? I'm still mad at shit but it feels much easier/more natural to just kind of keep it inside of me without the urge of lashing out
So I've been reading Dungeon Meshi for my mulched brain and... she wants to stop being a catgirl???
kbity wants to stop being kbity
Incomprehensible, worst thing I've read all day. How could this happen? Who would do such a thing??
society tells kbity it's not ok to be kbity, kbity thinks she must change herself to better fit society
this sounds like a halimede tweet now that i'm reading it back
Kinda tagline material... kbity self acceptance arc.........
(Also why is she called "kbity" anyway)
Starting to think i might be on too low a dosage.
My endo put me on 4mg injections every two weeks. Learning about how valerate tends to have high peaks and low troughs is starting to make sense with how i feel in the days leading to my injection and the days after, though i suppose that could be purely psychological.
Also kinda want to get into DIY because I saw that EEn tends to give more consistent levels but i dunno how I'm going to justify that when my insurance is also providing facial hair removal. Maybe I should switch once that runs its course or I change jobs/lose my insurance.
I guess for now I'll try and advocate for myself with my endo and see if I can be put on a higher/more frequent dosage
Two weeks between EV injections sounds extremely sketchy, the half-life is only like 3 or 4 days. I wouldn't be surprised if that has some sort of impact on your mood.
Are you on an AA? 4mg/2 weeks of EV seems low from my experience. The mood thing is real though. I used to take 7-8mg EV/week monotherapy and would often get a really low mood the day before taking it. EEn helped with that.
Played around with the hormone calculator and came up with this.
EV has a short halflife. If your doctor isn't open to upping your dose, more frequent is probably not a bad idea.
I am taking an AA thankfully. I'll go get a blood test next week and see what my endo says afterwards
The doctor appointments just keep on coming for me. Had another one today with my other surgeon.
::: spoiler Medical stuff Gotta get a CAT scan on my stomach for some pain I’m dealing with that shouldn’t be there. Also set up for a colonoscopy. I hope nothing serious is going on :x :::
Also been on edge today. Had a horrific nightmare last night that has thrown me completely off kilter. I feel awful as it has inadvertently been taken out on my partners by getting snippy and stuff. I’ve since smoothed things over, but still. I hate when I get like that.
I'm sleepy. I'm also agender so this counts as a trans mood. I would love a shower and then a nice clean bed
This is such a weird little thing, but I write in an online journal app every day, and I had the thought last night, "What if I played with the font and text to make it pink and feminine-looking?"
This feels like a joke, and maybe it sounds like a joke, but for some reason, typing with a pink, slightly-more-girly font made me feel a bit "lighter". It is so weird. For some reason, I have this association between visually customizing the everyday things around you (e.g. using colourful pens and notebooks, putting stickers on things) as being very "girly", in a way that I used to avoid, and am, deep into my adulthood, finally starting to embrace.
Got my laser hair removal auth in the mail on wednesday and I got some kind of sick on thursday.
I'm so mad, I really wanted to start it this weekend but now I have to wait til next weekend because these fucking losers at my work can't be assed to stay home when they're sick.
On the bright side I did get to meet my potential new roommates this week, one of them is my friend's partner and is NB, and the other is a trans woman. Suddenly I get to be around other queer people and it's completely by chance. They're both very leftist which is super cool, but we'll have to see exactly where they fall. Things they've both said make me think they're open to marxism but you never know.
I'm not saying all femboys are eggs, but when they inevitably have to chose between twink death or E, a disproportionate amount seem to realise they're maybe a bit trans after all.
idk how to tag this so I'm going to go for "dated language" even though that isn't really right and there's not any slurs. Also negativity. And uh, maybe some dysphoria posting. Just assume the worst I suppose. ::: spoiler spoiler I don't know why I'm even thinking about being trans. Its like I'm being swallowed up by a whirlpool. I don't want to be trans, so why can't I just be okay with being a guy? Its so hard, and so confusing, and I'm not even trans yet. And if I do decide that's just going to be worse. I'll be ugly, and manish, and embarrassed. It'd be horrible. I can't do it. I'm trapped and drowning. I just... can't be trans. Why is my mind even thinking about doing it? I... I just have to stay. Why can't I go back? Why am I more and more upset... I just don't get it. Please brain, just let me live in peace. I used to be fine being a guy, why can't we go back? Whatever. I'm rambling and idk how well any of you will be able to follow anyway so I'm cutting it off here.
I'm so horrible looking too
:::
I don't even know why I'm posting. No one can help. I guess, even as fucking pathetic as it is, knowing a few people are sympathetic will be reassuring.
WRONG!!! You will NOT be ugly and manish you will be pretty and womanly https://lemmygrad.ml/pictrs/image/976d8ccf-f0fa-4c4e-b6ba-412423e1ef5f.png
thanks
but I will be I'm so big 
NO, you will be hot and thats a fact, nothing, not even your own pessimism will or even ever could change material reality!!! https://lemmygrad.ml/pictrs/image/816623b0-6344-4a36-a3d9-511bc7283f4a.png
It's actually true, it's inevitable. Every single time. Even the (please excuse the language) bricks are pretty.
When she says "buh my ribcage is wide!" bitch too bad, very cute.
I think a lot of trans people can relate to these sorts of feelings. I used to think being trans was this inescapable curse and that everything about it was just gonna be horrible and difficult and staying in the closet all my life would be preferable.
But transitioning has been the best decision of my life, and I'm way happier than I ever was as cis and nothing have been nearly as impossible as I thought.
This is my experience as well, especially in being late to connect the dots due to a lot of repression.
Hugs
But why are the dots even there, and why now
and why are some dots missing. And why do they have to connect 
I don't feel like I've been repressing anything (okay well for the last 6~ months maybe but not before that)
Thanks
I appreciate it and you sharing.
I wish I had any answers either :/ I will say though, I used to think my life would have to be ugly because I had to live it with my AGAB. It's freeing to know I can choose to make it beautiful in my own way 💜
::: spoiler talking about dirt_owl subject it's too early to tell if the T suppression is working but the spiro is clearly doing something to me. not only am i pissing way more but it even smells different. i think i can faintly even smell the spiro in my urine now. this is wild :::
::: spoiler owlposting Yeah the change in pee smell must be fuckin awesome for watersports enthusiasts =) :::
:jesse-wtf: I am never reading owl posting again
::: spoiler owl subject yeah lmao. every time i piss now i keep thinking about how hot it would be if i somehow got a piss kink. am i turned on by this? no, but if someone was into piss they'd be horny as fuck and that's funny :::
::: spoiler I'm going to make this worse somehow While we were discussing a certain gender neutral bathroom in the UK, a friend of mine recently stated that a piss kink might be the only excuse to get a Maggie Thatcher tattoo. I think that's a bit much dedication to a bit, or to piss, but i think it's worth mentioning in this context, beause it just doesn't feel right when a transfem conversation about piss doesn't include Thatcher.
keep feeling like i want to cry at how hard i spent 20+ years trying to be a boy/man and how i just couldn't
wait, no, there are the tears. i feel them now
WTF did y'all read to realise you were trans? I'm in a very
mood.
My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness. I mentioned to a friend about how I I jokingly told myself that if I was so touch starved I could hire a prostitute about it and how that joke suddenly became super painful when I realized that if I hired a prostitute the thing I'd want more than anything to do with her is to be the little spoon while she ran her fingers through my hair while we were clothed. My friend then mentioned how that basically happened in MLEWL too
i'm very emotionally well adjusted :3
My egg fully cracked when I was at Anthrocon 2022. I had an artist named "Dark Natasha" commissioned to make a new badge for me. I had been questioning myself for some time prior to this, but I couldn't come to accept it for various reasons. I was originally just going to ask for a "more femme" badge of my fursona, but after fighting with myself, I changed it to straight female. Over the next 24 hours, I was agonizing over it and terrified as all hell. I knew deep down inside that it would change my life, but I didn't want to accept it. I ended up waiting until right before the Dealer's Den closed the day for pick-up before I picked it up. Once I did, I picked it up and took one look at it. I was entranced by it and just starting bawling in the middle of a rather decently sized crowd. In that moment, my life was changed forever. I finally came to accept that I was trans.
What finally made me fully accept that I was trans and put my worries to the sword was that I was about a year and a half into my transition. I had been fighting and fighting to change my life and change my appearance hard. I put a ton of effort into everything I had done up to that point. I had voice trained for a long time. I had changed my clothes. I had changed just about every aspect of my social self. I still had prying questions into myself and was wondering if I actually was truly trans (for various reasons that I shan't get into). Then I decided to think on it and came to a very simple conclusion. Who in their mind would willingly change their lives with such a great amount of effort? I mean, I even estranged family and was very shortly getting bottom surgery. I also oft proclaimed that I would absolutely refuse to ever go back to who I used to be. Who would do this if they were cis? Literally no one. And then finally the questions ceased. Now, I live my best life. I'm truly happy for the first time in my life. And you know what? I woudn't exchange it for anything.
Alternative answer: when you're posting in the trans mega with a trans flag in your username
That's a open-ended question when you think about it. Do you mean what caused my egg to crack or what made me stop questioning myself?
For me it was really when I asked my parents if I could shave my legs, and when they said no, I went up into my room an cried for like an hour, I knew then that I was trans because if I wasnt then why would I can so much about this.
::: spoiler on my bullshit This probably won't be helpful but I'll just go off. I read this fucking book called Annabelle by Kathleen Winters, and I was a pretty dense kid so this was literally the first time I had ever heard that it was possible to physically change your body to match your gender. So after that I started yelling at people that I was gonna get on hormones and everyone was gonna call me by some new name I'd not yet decided.
I honestly wish I could remember more of my thought process from back then, what drove me. I know my brain tends to work oppositionally, and I found the upcoming physical effects of testosterone to be really incredibly unpleasant, so I was like, yeah the other one. Estrogen. I also did realise that I looked at all the women in my life with as much envy as anything else. Is it really a crush if you just wanna be her, kid? Do you wanna be her or kiss her???? Answer: both.
So basically I guess, being a man was a gross and nasty prospect to me--I got bodyslammed really hard by that one "Are you sure you want to spend the rest of your life as a man?" manga screencap--and I really wanted to be pretty like all the girls I saw, so I did lmao. I dunno if I really felt "gender" about it, because while I enjoy fem outfits and selfcare and stuff now and then, binary gender is actually so fake and I don't have one, maybe at all. I like being a drowned lesbian rodent now ✨ :::
I was never especially gender conforming as a child, but I began to suspect something when a school forced me to have short hair, really hated that. It took a few more years and a lot of introspection and education to decide on what I wanted. One night, while I was once again laying awake agonycing over my gender, I decided enough was enough and that a decicion was to be made, and from there on the path was clearer-ish(I still don't really like labels, I just want to be feminine)
Oh wow! Meeting another trans woman off of craigslist this weekend mayhaps to look at me becoming her roommate. no more lying about my name or gender at home!
too many pretty girls give me big gender envy today :(
very silly transition goals:
i want to win a MTG tournament at my local game store so I can have my name posted on their facebook page or a plaque on the wall or whatever. i have no idea if they hold pauper tournaments and i'm too broke to play any other format though
Incredibly valid, I want to do the exact same but with Age of Sigmar ngl
Just bought 10 different pieces for outfits, feeling incredibly cute.
these big ass drawing needles are bullshit. they're big fuckin needles but they still take like a minute to draw out .4ml of gel
careful with large drawing needles. if your vials (i'm assuming) have that rubber stopper you'll punch pieces of it into the vial
it's better to use a small one and just eat the time commitment
anyway, they only gave me some 22 gauge drawing needles so i'm just going to assume that's what they meant for me to use. i guess i can look for some smaller injection needles next time around though
i think the risk is more rendering the contents no longer sterile than it is sucking up bits of rubber and injecting them (though that probably isn't good either)
22g is probably okay, i was worried they started you on 18g needles like they did me
it's called vial coring. you can look up techniques to avoid it, just searching the term on youtube should steer you right
I draw and inject with 23g needles, so you should be fine.
I did exactly this. When I called my doctor about that, she said to try and avoid getting the rubber bits in the syringe when I fill it, which was not comforting.
def look into the proper draw technique to avoid vial coring if you still have this issue.
[A lot of shit that can be summed up as
Am I trans?]
::: spoiler Dungeon Meshi spam except no spoilers, it's just
Okay I've enjoyed Dungeon Meshi enough up till now, but it goes from "yeah why not" to "AWWWW YEAH BISH" when kbity is introduced.
Witness her, gaze upon her need for pets.
She's so cute and silly, "like she's reverted to a childlike state" NO, Marcille, she is in the most natural and correct state: nuzzling for headpats!!!
Is Izutsumi the best catgirl? This is great ngl. I could read more of this. :::
It's really fun that she's a catgirl instead of catgirl
Please continue your posting, it is very good.
I'm wondering if I should give you a paw in good posting.
Ty, I will never stop posting!!!
https://lemmygrad.ml/pictrs/image/984b375b-5360-42a0-8078-c85618ae3c3b.png
Edit: Holy shit my Linux install is crapping out. Can't even open inspect in Firefox without FF crashing.
I know, but I've been putting reinstall off since I wasn't sure if I wanted to use a different distro.
Suggest it. If it becomes an emote, I'll make a hexbear account (I've also been putting this off).
Trying out the cheapo storebrand conditioner and discovering that it turns your hair into a bunch of majestic curly tendrils. My hair behaves straightish-to-wavy since it's weighed down, so I'm happy to find a goofy conditioner that makes it springy again
cheapo store brand shampoo and conditioner has zero business working as well as it does
Only downside is the kinda chemical-ish smell, but saves me three bucks over name brand =)
i think if i can get it together enough to call a teledoc to get hair pills i might be able to do more later
Pretty sure estrogen is just making my anxiety go absolutely crazy. I pretty much had a mental breakdown last night and I still feel like there's an elephant on my chest today. I just want my brain to be normal. I don't want to detransition either :( I'm so upset I wish I could go back to before all these intrusive thoughts started it's ruining my life :(
From one intrusive thoughts haver to another, what you've described in past posts sounds like OCD to me. If it's taking over your life, it's no longer really subclinical imo. I wish I had a good solution, but to be honest I'm still mired in this hell myself and trying to claw out of it.
Here's an OCD channel that helps me sometimes when I get really stuck in my head and need some perspective that it's not just me.
Also thank you for the resource. I have watched a few videos now and really he is so right about just sitting with the thoughts but my god it's so much easier said than done. I'm gonna really try though
I'm hoping it's something that goes away with adjustment of my hormones. I want to get my levels checked today but I'm trying to figure out if my doctor put in an order for me... I'm just hoping there's a more simple fix for this because I spent a lot of my life with for sure intrusive thoughts and anxiety but this is some other beast, I've never felt this shit for so long and I'm so so so scared that it means that I can't be on estrogen or something...
Somehow I just need to not care about the thoughts, or just kinda ignore them which is what I did my whole life. I need to get back to there but it seems impossible
Haha... sitting with my thoughts instead of doing mental compulsions? What's that?
I've also had the experience where my intrusive thoughts and anxiety flared after a period where they were present but not a huge problem. For me it happened a few years ago. I think this is a relatively common experience with OCD; at least I've seen other people describe similar things. I hope things get better for you.
Hopefully you've had moments of relief over the last few years at least. This lasting years is... horrifying. Have you had any luck with medications?
I have, I should try to get back on them again.
Are you seeing a therapist or anything? In my experience most therapists are... not very well-equipped to handle and treat OCD and I still haven't had luck with finding a therapist I like. I've been thinking about seeking out an OCD therapist specifically. It's unfortunately a really poorly understood mental health issue for how well-known it is.
Fuxking OCD therapy is so expensive. Wondering if my insurance covers NOCD or whatever that app is. I've also been listening to an audio book- "Freedom from Obsessive compulsive disorder" and that's been good. It's on spotify for free if you already pay for spotify
Yeah, my therapist strongly doesn't believe that I have it and thinks I just need to like, fight the thoughts and tell myself they are wrong and stuff (this absolutely doesn't help me because I already know that intrusive thoughts are just that, intellectually. But it doesn't feel this way, which is the problem and I'm neber 100% sure either)
Specialized OCD treatment is definitely way too expensive, it's an issue. Also, worrying that your intrusive thoughts aren't intrusive is another common thing in OCD.
Been feeling weirdly sick the last few days. Stomach pain, fatigue, and nausea have been running rampant lately. Not the normal kind of stomach pain I usually find myself with either. Gods that testing can’t come soon enough.
So I've been playing Celeste recently and heard somewhere on here there's a fan theory/something like that that she's trans. Is there a good video on the topic, maybe explaining what some of the things represent?
or at least tell me what the hotel owner guy ishttps://www.mattmakesgames.com/articles/is_maddy_trans/index.html
Oh 😅 probably could have found that. Thank you.
I don’t think it’s a theory. I think the creator confirmed it as such. If I remember correctly, it was a sort of Matrix thing where it’s a trans allegory, but it was only recognized after the creator’s egg cracked.
The game has trans flags in it iirc =)
No one is ever, ever going to find me attractive :cri:
It's been 6 months since I last got a haircut. Got it cut in December before the holidays. It's starting to get kind of long now. Or at least the longest it's ever been. It's kinda getting hard to manage. It isn't long enough to pull back into a pony tail, but it's too long to neatly fit under a hat.
I hate my OCD
hey uhhhh my left tiddy feels weird again. there's a mild pain/pressure underneath there :)))
there's no way that it's what I think it is, especially this soon on HRT, right? this is way too soon for that
It takes some time before actual breast tissue starts to form, but changes to nipples/aerola come very fast, along with the soreness. Ymmv if you find that gender affirming, or just annoying that you can't wear white shirts any more.
they always poked through anyway. though if that's affirming? idk get back to me in 2 weeks
The desire to wear fun outfits vs the autism sensory overload...
This internal tug-of-war is brutal. I try to balance them, I like loose billowy flannels in the summer.
Conspicuous Catgirl Midriff
::: spoiler Dungeon Meshi 61, spoiler free tho Okay this bit with Kabru and the canary captain is fucking silly.
Here we have these two, who look exactly like beautiful lesbians... walking around calling eachother "he" and "him". It's absurd.
My honest reaction to the information that these two are apparently just cis men:
To cope, one might envision them as fem trans men, or indeed different varieties of he/him lesbians having undergone top surgery. Literally anything else but this empty-headed draw a girl, call them a boy shit, rrrrrgh why why why
NNNOOOO REEEEEEEEEEE
:::
have to listen to three seconds of dial up tone now before i tell people what name i've decided to use with them now
::: spoiler Absurd bookposting Dear chat, if you have read Light from Uncommon Stars by Ryka Aoki, did you enjoy it? Is it good? What's the right amount of internalised transphobia and external turmoil for a protagonist to undergo? :::
::: spoiler books i have not read it yet but my mom bought it for me for christmas because she heard it was trans. i know literally nothing about it beyond that
i think even intense internalized transphobia could be interesting to explore but i would need someone i trusted to tell me it handled it well first. does light from uncommon stars have a lot? :::
::: spoiler uh oh Oh shit that's scary, damn!!!!! Hell of a thing., mom..
Light from Uncommon Stars has a LOT. Author Ryka Aoki wrote an interesting short story in The Collection(Topside Press, 2012) called To The New World which has about the same, I'd say it's two steps off of /tttt/ brainworms. I would advise checking CWs before you start! :::
::: spoiler spoiler hmmm.... i'll read it at some point then but i definitely need to be in the right headspace. if it's even remotely close to /tttt/ brainworms it's SO funny that my mom (who is incredibly awkward about gender with me) got it for me :::
::: spoiler late night cat post
MOST CURSED KBITY
She's fuckin WASTED on this manga, chat.
WAAAASTED
She's even the volcel police:
Naturally asexual catgirl-san:
I just think shes funny...
I would buy this mini maybe.
Why does she only get a few chapters to shine? Why does Dungeon Messy devolve into a weird shounen action manga for the last like forty chapters? Why haven't Marcille and Izutsumi kissed?? WHY AM I DISAPPOINTED AGAIN AAAAAA
She's so cute it's almost worth it.
https://lemmygrad.ml/pictrs/image/2309e231-9a7d-47f6-bf63-0321321046cf.png cat
::: spoiler cat
:::
نحن شرطة VolCel.بناءا على تعليمات الهيئة لترويج لألعاب الفيديو و النهي عن الجنس نرجوا الإبتعاد عن أي أفكار جنسية و الحفاظ على حيواناتكم المنويَّة حتى يوم الحساب. اتقوا الله، إنك لا تراه لكنه يراك.
Okay yeah, fair, Idk.
not only does my chest feel faintly sore now, it keep feeling... crooked? it doesn't look any different but i keep feeling the need to basically adjust my tits as if that's how it work
it's been over 2 months now and i still keep getting surprised when i tell myself i'm trans lol
::: spoiler dysphoria even looking at my arms right now is making me cry. Whats wrong with me. Why, just why hexbear. It hurts. Why are things getting worse not better
:::