Got a local houseless trans person housed today!

Sometimes my job not so bad.

I'm sorry I'm late I didn't see the thread until now.

I'm a pediatrics nurse in a rural area, had my first encounter with a family who insisted they get another nurse because "I made them uncomfortable." :(

In brighter news, my girlfriends bottom surgery is healing really well! I really really wanna play with it but you have to wait sooo long. We have to be chaste sapphics~

still feels weird to basically feel my identity change in real time. like, i'll be reading things about trans women or lesbians like for like 6 seconds before it finally clicks that "this affects you personally now, dum dum"

in retrospect i guess i always did want to be a lesbian. damn. the flag has such great colors too

Was sexting this girl whom I knew was a chaser and she told me ::: spoiler chaser sext "Get me pregnant with your girlcock!" ::: and now I feel pathetic

idk what else I expected

i can't stop getting jealous of literally every girl ever

Still in a decent bit of pain. Not very mobile. Going a little stir crazy, but I’m getting by by watching Critical Role campaign 2.

On a related note, no one has really inquired about my wellbeing since my surgery and it’s giving me a strong case of the feel bads. It really sucks.

Being bi rules pretty hard. Also read a survey (like 750 bi respondents) and it looks like 84% of them would date a non-op trans woman which is pretty cool. Like that's way higher than any other group od people and a solid majority. Honestly I've always gravitated towards bi women but bi guys are cool too and can get it. Also, bi people wont judge me for being bi (common problem even today).

This was all set off by me looking up data on trans dating stuff ( ) but honestly this made me feel pretty good.

At what point does one become a Trans Elder? In a few months, I will have been openly trans for over half my life, but I'm also just a millennial. Do I get any sick powers with it?

I think from now on i'll gauge my HRT dose by the amount of emotional devastation videos of bottlefed baby badgers make me feel, seems to work about as reliable as the bloodwork at my endocrinologist.

today on shit i wish i could have told myself like 8 years ago:

you can actually enjoy your gender. you can and should like it. you don't have to just accept your AGAB as an unfortunate fact

Yet another shitty week.

CW: Transphobia at work again, basically experience bigotry for a living

::: spoiler spoiler So work's not the greatest in general, had some weeb clock me and go full Kevin and say some fucked up transphobic shit, that sucked, at least the lady with him looked shocked by his behavior. :::

Then other things aren't going so well, the fridge is failing, explains a lot of my food poisoning lately. I managed to get money for kidney medicine buying me another few months, but if they process my claim for healthcare its probably going to take months to get things covered, if at all. When I called and finally got through to someone and speaking with others undergoing similar issues with the mass healthcare boot it sounds like I'm better off waiting for the red giant stage of the sun than waiting for coverage.

Labs for hrt/kidney are way out of my budget and better employment around here is frankly impossible. To top all the shit off lately someone's been mass stealing my bills out of my mail. I had my identity stolen last year, this is giving me those vibes.

Only thing going well is I'm at least doing some voice practice every day.

down with cis

silver lining of not being on hrt is that it makes moving much easier since i've still got my unearned testosterone strength, and i'll probably still have when i finally move out on my own for the first time. after that i'm kinda fucked, as is the rest of my family (my dad is getting older and my brother is unreliable/has health issues)

::: spoiler cw transphobia To be honest, seeing the new law passed in Tennessee has me both scared and really depressed. I very recently decided to start using some more location-based socmed to find queer people near me to hang out with irl because I've been very isolated for over a year now. Now I'm scared of the security of doing that. Maybe I should just recede back into my hole, only deeper this time because now almost all of social media is a minefield. I feel bad because I'm in a relatively safer state and yet I'm miserable. :::

This feels really weird after so many years of having the egg mindset of wishing I was a cis woman, but refusing to be a trans woman, but now I'm honestly not sure if I'd prefer to have been born cis or not. It feels confusing, but probably a good sign in terms of self-acceptance?

Hope everyone’s week is going well. I’m incapable of really checking in a lot right now, but I hope to be back soon. Love all you folks. Always be sure to take care of yourselves.

THE SPINACH WAS ACTUALLY JUST CODE/STANDIN FOR TESTOSTERONE. POPEYE IS A TRANS MAN

taping a little piece of paper saying "no boys allowed" with the y backwards to my door

All the trans catpeople are gone nowadays, it’s all puppypeople this bunnypeople that, what happened :,(((

When even so called "allies" demonstrate they can't be bothered to educate themselves before talking shit, it makes it difficult for me to not want to declare war on cis people.

i keep thinking about it and like, i was never a boy, but i also have only recently been a girl. the more i think about it, the more i realize that i never really had a gender until like a month ago, and that as a child i was basically agender but identified as a cis man because that's just what society does to AMAB people. being a girl is a choice for me actually, and one that i needed to be truly emotionally ready to make

i actually feel deep empathy for myself as a child now and i can't stop crying about it

"well ur birth certificate says you're male" MY BIRTH CERTIFICATE SAYS I WEIGH NINE POUNDS

Megathreads continue to pop off!!!

okay I've always known i've had deeply rooted emotional problems but i can't stop asking myself "so you're going to be a cute lesbian about it?" and the answer is apparently yes because it fucking works??? i'm going to be a girl about my problems now because it works

honestly i don't even think having facial hair is bad, persay, but I really like the idea of HRT+Electrolysis taking it all off because then i would just never have to bother shaving again which sounds nice

gaybot has made the mistake of engaging in hexbear vegan struggle sessioning

gaybot has made a grave mistake

gaybot bids farewell

Feels weird to say this because I'm technically a new poster, but seeing so many new posters on c/traaaaaa recently feels awesome.

i really need to look into moving out but that will basically involve outing myself as a trans woman to strangers i met on facebook marketplace. i have basically zero other real options for housing where i can be a trans femme but like, yeah, ouch. this is going to be rough and i need to work up a lot of courage

on another note, my dumb ass forgot what time my planned parenthood appointment was but remembered the day so i think I'll have to go back and ask

By just existing I apparently inspired another trans dude to come out, I thought that was neat. My own transition has been so slow I didn't really have any advice, also was at work.

::: spoiler dysphoria Holy shit I have no idea how I'm going to make it through summer with these fuckin legs. :::

I feel jealous of femme people but feel wierd about it because I'm in a cis guys body

Like I'd definitely trade this body in if I could.

Is that dysphoria? (/Gen) or is dysphoria more then that, or can you not really say from that description?

my ass could NOT go on spironolactone i already put way too much salt on what i eat

1 week down, about 10 more to go . really hope i can find housing before i start or at least before it really kicks in

having second thoughts about the new username because it's a bit too over the top but fuck it, it goes hard

https://lemmygrad.ml/pictrs/image/c88f2540-9c81-4d38-a9e6-2f6c6211a9e3.webp. Saw this in the news mega thought I should put it here.

Someone should put transbians & other sapphic queers into a turn based tactics game. I'm pretty sure that would be the best game ever made right?

::: spoiler cw: dysphoria, chronic illness how can i tell if im actually non binary or if im just stepping outside the binary as a coping mechanism for impostor syndrome/dysphoria? i've been too chronically ill (long covid) and depressed to really take care of myself lately and i haven't really been able to see her in the mirror in what feels like months. and i felt like i was getting used to my chosen name but now it almost feels grating. but i dont know if that's because it's a reminder of the healthy girl i thought i was becoming pre-transition or if im just not a woman. idk im 20 months into HRT and 15 months into long covid and i felt so sure of myself before i got sick. but it seems like this sickness has made a huge mess of my identity and idk how to fix it :::

idk why but sometimes I feel very "dysphoric" and sometimes I'm just vibe-ing . I had this whole thing about feeling like I might be trans typed up for when the mega went up, and now I'm not really feeling the same way as much.

rewatching gits:sac and i'd forgotten just how gender the major is. also how just textually queer she is, this woman fucks women and it isn't even that horny about it!

tfw you start taking care of yourself and then you look nicer. wow! your hair looks really nice when you can be bothered to shower on a daily rather than weekly basis? it took you how many decades to solve that fucking puzzle?

I have gotten a lot better at shaving over the past month, but chins are just kinda difficult, I have realized. With cheeks and upper lip, I essentially get the same result as a straight razor, with my comfy safety one. But chins are comparably just geometrically complex. Also shaving legs is very different from shaving a face. The one time I did it, it gave me horribly sensitive skin, that hurt a lot. Not quite a rash, but not far away either.

I hope everyone has/is having a good week!!! Much love 🥰🥰🥰

just tried on this turtleneck i bought off the internet and when it's unrolled, i can get it to comfortably cover my mouth and sit right underneath my nose. The perfect cover for the stubble!

I guess I was born to top

I painted my nails, but it didn't stop me from unconciously chewing of the laquer. 2 out of 5 fingers are still painted. At least it's good for practice. Also psint on very short nails looks kinda silly, kind of like painted toenails, but on a hand. But it is as it is. Also thinking about getting an actual chew toy, seems like I need it.

I miss transbians...

okay have a pretty girl name and she/her pronouns is really nice actually but that means i also have a dead name and an old gender i don't use anymore and oh wow that part fucking sucks. people keep getting my name wrong all the damn time now. this sucks

Smoking that "went for a walk and got some brunch" pack. Couchlocked

The newest friendly jordies video had a very transphobic joke at about 10:50.

It's a high dysphoria week and I gotta vent about it.

::: spoiler crazy bitch posting I'm so frustrated with all the ordinary activities and situations I have to avoid to keep myself safe. Can't just fuckin dress for exercise and go to a gym without risking a whole situation. Can't go for a swim. Feel like I can't walk to the fuckin grocery without checking corners and identifying exits. It's exhausting, but I can't convince myself I'm wrong to be paranoid. :::

>remembering that time my dad called me a delicate flower and I was a little too happy about it

I wish I was born different

I wish one of you could hug me rn

::: spoiler cw for sadness, negativity, transphobia, suicidal thoughts And I really wish this was easier. I'm crying myself to sleep again. I can't be. It's too hard. Society is too bad. Maybe I could be gay but this is too much. Why can't being trans be accepted as much as that? I could deal a little bit but it's too much. I don't want to try. Why can't I just stay a cis guy? I feel like I'm grasping at straw.

My family wouldn't get it, my friends wouldn't get it, no one would understand. I don't think I'd have a chance at finding a gf either. Why even live if I'm going to be alienated from myself or others? It's not fair. People will just see me as a freak. A man in a dress. And that's how I see me too. I'm just a stupid cis guy that's deluded himself. I'm stupid and I hate myself.

Sorry for all the sad posting I swear I try not to. :::

::: spoiler In Stars and Time Big spoiler and also content warning

how was I supposed to know you're supposed to keep playing after Sif snaps? All the lore is like, "If you see the visceral colour red, something has gone very wrong" so I interpreted the following scene way more darkly than the game actually is. I thought he was literally abandoned by the Universe and the Change god for snapping and killing his family, so I deleted the save and started over.

it's a very well made game. lotta little details you can miss ...lotta details you can read too much into, as well... :::

another monday CRUSHED. only slightly stunned from sunday's drugs

::: spoiler dysphoria, ED (eating, not my wang) Holy shit I feel so fucking big. I'm tall, and heavy, and broad, and I hate all of it. I keep getting some very ED thoughts. The happiest I've ever been with my body was at the height of my eating issues. I wish I had that level of stick to itiveness now. Every time I eat something I hate it. Its keeping me feeling fat and unhappy. And yet I keep eating so much. It actually makes me want to sh. I hate myself and this stupid, gross body. :::

Sorry for all the dysphoria posting

HAHAHA! YES! NOW I HAVE A NEW MIDDLE AND LAST NAME TOO!

(fe/to)mboy

alright fuck it. i'll send in my application for new hexbear username after work tonight. hopefully by tomorrow i'll be posting under a new, ridiculously trans femme username

The broke gender dysphoria compared to the woke gender envy

I thought "Gender is a social construct." was an invalidating claim because my gender dysphoria felt too damn real for it to be influenced by society,

Was mulling over this quote from one of our cool and funny posters, because I thought this way when I was sixteen too. I guess I can't blame me, because understandably I was feeling insecure and "inferior" and all that shit, so it's kind of understandable that I took this as a sort of attack on the concept of gender. I was theory-free and a kid, Idk.

It still fucking sucks though, it fed essentialist thinking in me and probably led to some of the negative disposition I had toward, honestly most queers at that time. I was such an angry, morose little shit. My brain just wasn't ready for "gender is a social construct, and that is not inherently bad" y'know.

I have bought some nail polish, in one o my favourite colours, but I recently chewed my nails down to the bed. So I need to wait a bit before I try it. Also someone here once wrote something about causing allergies if one is not careful, so I am also hesitant because of that. Is that a real threat, or just bogus?=

I want to ask a question to all of our beautiful, sizeable Unjust Depths readers, especially ones who are caught up:

Are there any known, confirmed T4T relationships anywhere in Unjust Depths? If no, why not? I find it kind of suspect that shoving like 10+ trans gays into a submarine does not result in the world's most absurd polycule forming immediately =)

Fwiw assumptions are a bad idea with UD, so it could be that Maryam just hasn't mentioned it yet, who knows. But I'm over 2000 pages in, so like...

::: spoiler Addendum Also I'm sorry for the ramblings, I will pick up reading the Second Interlude very shortly, I've just been waylaid y'know. Updates will continue as morale improves! :::

A story pitch: the Chinese Revolution, but trans.

I may or may not be working on this right now

can't post trans thoughts until the new mega

gotta wait until new mega posted

:(