Weekly Trans Megathread for the Week of 3/04 - 3/10
Hang out. Chat. Talk about what's going on. Have fun :3
Ho_Chi_Chungus [she/her] - 2.4yr
Over the last several weeks, I've been talking a lot with my two closest friends. They're both trans femmes and they've been really great to me. They've been listening so closely to me working out over two decades of bottled up trauma and never seemed to get tired of it. I feel like such an unimaginable weight has been lifted
And the whole time I look back on that time I am absolutely baffled and astounded that they bit their tongues and never told me the most obvious thing on earth
honestly, right now I don't even consider myself "trans", just "not cis" it doesn't feel like much, but honestly I can't understate what a huge effect telling myself that has had on me. It's been not even 4 days since the egg cracked and I've already found myself just... so happy. Twice I've randomly just teared up while driving around. I looked in the mirror and actually smiled at what I saw. I honest to god don't think I've ever even done that before :)
I can't even type the same anymore. I keep putting little heart emojis and :) smileys in everything and it's great! 💕💕💕
23
Ho_Chi_Chungus [she/her] - 2.4yr
I always got so disappointed getting my hair cut. I always felt like I had to get it cut shorter than I wanted and it ended up even shorter afterwards. Whenever I showed people afterwords, I almost felt hurt when they said how nice it looked
Now I don't even have to go back to get my hair cut until next year :))). maybe it can wait even longer? who knows???
13
DerEwigeAtheist [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.4yr
For healthy long hair the tips need to be cut every few months(for me around 6). You can generally tell when it's time yourself, when looking at your tips, for split ends.
6
Ho_Chi_Chungus [she/her] - 2.4yr
Yeah, just not getting a haircut for that long is probably a bad idea, I just got excited at the thought of it. I should still get at least a trim every now and again
7
DerEwigeAtheist [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.4yr
if you find a good nice hairdresser they can give you useful haircare tips. If you have a rarer hairtype(whatever that may be in your region) prepare look a long time for people who actually can give good tips.
6
Wake [she/her, they/them] - 2.4yr
It's like finally finding the last peice of the puzzle you've been looking for.
8
Ho_Chi_Chungus [she/her] - 2.4yr
CW: The cheesiest, most Hallmark movie ass shit you've ever heard
It's funny looking back at it. Of course I had the "absolutely not cis" thoughts back then but there was a never ending well of suppression I could draw on to shrug them off. Only over the last like... 2-3 weeks of my life have I ever even made a decisive effort to actually start respecting myself and actually asking what I wanted. Only once I earnestly believed I could want things and I was deserving of them did the egg finally crack after 2 fuckin weeks
Now I get to do fun trans girl stuff and nobody can stop me :3
9
Cromalin [she/her] - 2.4yr
yeah!
but that's so real, i spent years repressing shit but now i constantly look back on being 13 and go "ohhh, that was because i was trans!" about all sorts of shit, it was absolutely impossible to take any step towards really knowing myself without having that ground understanding
8
Cromalin [she/her] - 2.4yr
i'm super happy for you!
6
Angel [any] - 2.4yr
::: spoiler [CW: Doomer posting about R*ddit trans communities]
become curious
decide to lurk trans subreddits once again
have immediate regrets
Never going back to that site ever again, even just to lurk. It's insane how awful people are...
I'm baffled by how transphobic some trans people are, even in seemingly "welcoming" spaces.
:::
23
kristina [she/her] - 2.4yr
It's a known issue that cissies lurk trans subreddits and boost the good assimilationists
Extremely depressing how quick some of them are to throw fellow trans people under the bus to score imaginary points with cis people.
18
Angel [any] - 2.4yr
I'm baffled by how some people can be so staunchly convicted in being overtly hypocritical.
15
GenderIsOpSec [she/her, kit/kit's] - 2.4yr
Was at the hormone clinic yesterday and saw atleast two other cute girls didnt say anything because they were talking with each other and didnt want to intrude
22
GenderIsOpSec [she/her, kit/kit's] - 2.4yr
also a doctor told me that my rainbow keffiyeh was pretty
24
Cromalin [she/her] - 2.4yr
taking my estrogen rn
22
SnowySkyes - 2.4yr
Hey, me too! Only reason why Mondays kinda kick ass.
16
1000mH [she/her, they/them] - 2.4yr
Go to Nordstrom Rack.
Clerk asks to sign up for membership.
Say yes.
Give name, email, phone number.
Go home.
Receive Nordstrom marketing email.
It's the women's catalogue.
Receive Nordstrom marketing email.
It's the women's catalogue?
Receive Nordstrom marketing email.
It's the women's catalogue!!
22
Tommasi [she/her, pup/pup's] - 2.4yr
Considering introducing myself at the local trans discord but I'm afraid of being perceived
21
Clever_Clover [she/her] - 2.4yr
She's just like me fr fr
6
AutomatedPossum [she/her] - 2.4yr
just done with my skincare routine against laser face. it's a lot less severe this time, i'm 8 sessions in and at the point were the only real painful part is the upper lip, even the edges of my chin that used to be the absolute worst have become a minor nuisance by now
picked up a friend from the hospital after her second round of bottom surgery yesterday. she's still a bit fatigued, but everything went fine and she's extremely happy with the results. The trans joy she radiated was so contagious, it felt good to be a tiny part of that experience and to be there for her.
also i miss my gal pal, she's so sweet and caring and i feel so good around her. i've never had anybody make me feel so secure.
::: spoiler CW: transphobic policy and other anxiety provoking things.
Just need to rant and be heard by my comrades for a min. If you get anxiety or panic attacks from the worry of conservative's rabid pursuit of exterminating us, don't read this and get yourself wound up - I know that reading these things fucks me up.
Been getting a lot of severe anxiety about the plan 2025 stuff, though I haven't actually read it or watched Second Thought's video on it. Part of me is wondering why it's not being covered more. I generally see chuds and the people who go off about us as folks that couldn't organize their way out of a wet paper bag, I mean just look at the boarder convoy. Jan 6 was another one, they possess nothing beyond their grievance politics, and they have no ideology or clear cut objectives let alone organization. If they had these things in place, they may have actually succeeded in an overthrow. But it seems that this 2025 thing is actual policy planners, probably the same cadre of sick fucks that worked on Roe v. Wade for the past several decades.
Then I vacillate between these issues and climate change, I can't even see a temperature chart without feeling like I could throw up and God help me if I look at the doomer con.
I want to get the fuck out of the US, but I feel my spouse can't handle doing something like that. Truth be told, I was in a war once and it fucked me up - I don't want to do this shit again, especially in my own home town. God damn them all to hell.
If you've read this, thanks for hearing me out. I love you, you are beautiful, and you are worthy of love and respect.
:::
19
l33tstr33t [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.4yr
I read your post and hear you. You definitely aren't alone.
adderall was a gamechanger for me, genuinely immediate massive differences in how much i can do in a day and at a time
coffee is kinda like a lesser version of that, but it also means my already high bathroom usage skyrockets which really limits its effect on my productivity
There's several other stim medications too. The first ones that providers turn to though are non-stimulant (Strattera and sometimes the antidepressant bupropion), because they are not controlled substances and there's less abuse potential. If those work for you, great! If not, they'll move you on. The key is consistent communication with your provider, reporting all of your behaviors and symptoms.
6
Cromalin [she/her] - 2.4yr
obvious disclaimer that i am not a doctor and am not qualified to give actual medical advice, and what worked for me may not for you, and even if you have adhd adderall may not be ideal for you. but i went "i definitely have adhd, i need to get tested for adhd so i can get treated," got treated, and then was prescribed adderall. so if you think you might have adhd that would be my recommendation
6
Are_Euclidding_Me [e/em/eir] - 2.4yr
I need to do this. I'm really struggling right now, and I strongly suspect it's ADHD. My fear, irrational as it no doubt is, is that I'll go in and be like, "I think I have adhd, please diagnose me", and they'll be like "you're lying to try and get drugs, fuck off". I'm a bit paralyzed by this fear, even though it's probably irrational and good god do I need to do something about my current situation, this is simply untenable!
4
Cromalin [she/her] - 2.4yr
yeah i felt a little like that when i went in for testing, but i just described the problems i was having and they went "oh that definitely sounds like adhd"
i hope you can get treatment, i was definitely the same way before testing
4
frankfurt_schoolgirl [she/her] - 2.4yr
It did for me! I finished college with a 3.9 gpa after I started E, before I could only take like 1-2 classes a semester and occasionally failed them.
but like literally they're my medically necessary titties
6
DerEwigeAtheist [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.4yr
I have learned to care for my hair well enough to actually get compliments from women over it. Which makes me very happy.
Was kinda difficult too, since very few hairdressers here have any knowledge of how to care for my hairtype. I got a bunch of wrong and harmful "tips" till I found someone who could actually help me.
Now I just need to learn how to style it in more ways than just leaving it open, or having a ponytail.
Anyone have a good information on very curly blond hair? I feel like braiding it would diminish it's qualities. I like having natural corkscrews.
In some other ways I feel like I am stagnating in my transition, but I also feel that I should not be putting pressure on myself, things are moving, if slowly.
17
lilypad [she/her, it/its] - 2.4yr
Life is going really well this week (well, big asterisk, cause ill probs be homeless come end of march) and ive been connecting with people and like having a lovely time being social. Idk having people who you like being around is really nice. Went to the local t4t night at a bar that is i think a socialist bar, which was fun. Went with some friends and just hung out and talked, which was really enjoyable, even if my anxiety was through the roof the entire time.
Life is just wonderful right now, even if I have no job prospects and all the housing ads i respond to say nah.
I also started P a week ago, which has been really nice and stabilized my mood a bit. Ive also been debating compounding my own P, but im afraid of ordering a kg of white powder to my door lol.
Its also my birthday soon which i have such mixed feelings about.
17
nathanfieldertulpa [she/her, it/its] - 2.4yr
bit idea: a chain smoking trans girl who wants to change her name to nicorette
17
Ocommie63 [she/her] - 2.4yr
Hiiii, hows it going? I hope everyone is/will have a great week. 🥰🥰🥰🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🥰🥰🥰
16
SexUnderSocialism [she/her] - 2.4yr
Hi. :3 My head hurts.
16
Clever_Clover [she/her] - 2.4yr
::: spoiler transphobia, sad, family
I wanna cry, still years away from getting to somewhere I could transition, and I have no solid plans, waiting for things to get more stable before I even really plan too far.
it hurts knowing I'm gonna be cutting off family, interacting with them is, difficult now too, there's a feeling in the back of my head telling me how disgusting they'd think I am and how they'd reject me if they knew, and it's very hard to ignore and to just interact normally, the "love" and care they give me feels hollow and just not real, knowing that it's conditional on me pretending to be cis and hetero and fitting what they think I should be
:::
Im so sorry about your family, I wish you the best of luck in getting out of there.
9
Kuori [she/her, pup/pup's] - 2.4yr
moving update:
packing fucking sucks
that is all
15
RION [she/her] - 2.4yr
This is one of the rarely mentioned disparities between the rich and poor I always fixate on as someone who has moved an unreasonable amount of times for my age
So much grueling labor, often under right deadlines due to leases and truck rentals
8
Kuori [she/her, pup/pup's] - 2.4yr
that is an interesting thought i had never considered! there is quite a gulf there yeah
a gulf that is obliterating my back
4
SorosFootSoldier [he/him, they/them] - 2.4yr
Your weekly post
15
Jenniferrr [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.4yr
I hooked up with my ex and feel really weird about it
Felt weird because it was the first time I had sex like since I transitioned and honestly don't know how to have sex.... as a girl. So topping left me feeling... a bit like a guy lol. And then she accidentally misgendered me on the way out :/
😟 I guess I rescind my congrats, I'm sorry!! At least it was accidental.
5
Jenniferrr [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.4yr
Yeah definitely just left me feeling lol very strange 😅
4
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.4yr
Chat, I am in fear. The goodreads lady actually messaged me on Discord and it's terrifying: she has read The Last Girl Scout. She knows who Torrey Peters is. She even had Unjust Depths on her to-be-read list already!!!!!
I was unprepared to find someone who knows about this type of shit. I'm gonna Improve My Understanding when I quit having panic attacks about it.
14
Cromalin [she/her] - 2.4yr
oh shit, godspeed with your new conversation partner!
8
JohannaChittarra - 2.4yr
down with cis
13
Pluto [he/him, he/him] - 2.4yr
Are you cis or are you based?
9
JohannaChittarra - 2.4yr
7
Pluto [he/him, he/him] - 2.4yr
6
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.4yr
I have managed to speak on cringe Goodreads with another trans woman about the specific subsection of freakish trans literary fiction novels over which I have brainworms. This is arguably the first external, independent acknowledgement I've received that I did not simply invent the connections between them as a result of psychosis or something.
It's ALL fucking Nevada, trust me sis.
Oh, she also said she uses my Goodreads to find a lot of these books in the first place, thereby proving that I am in fact the foremost specialist in this nonexistent field of study. It's mine.
13
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.4yr
NEW UPDATE she wants to talk on Discord, could it really happen??????
8
lapis [fae/faer, comrade/them] - 2.4yr
Well damn, now I'm curious. Got any book recs?
7
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.4yr
I dunno, like, what are you looking for? What're you curious about specifically, what're you hoping to read?
7
lapis [fae/faer, comrade/them] - 2.4yr
I was thinking the specific subsection of freakish trans literary fiction novels over which you have brainworms, which I know nothing of.
7
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.4yr
Nobody knows anything of them, it's a mystery
I was hoping to know precisely how depressed and/or weirded out you want to be, but oh well. I usually wouldn't do this but I guess here is a little treat. You'll want to check Storygraph content warnings for all of these, they're too "old media" to have them but most desperately need them:
::: spoiler Click to REVEAL THE HORRORS
Nevada by Imogen Binnie: Maybe some people have a religion with holy scriptures and such; I have this book and all its stupid quotes. Near as I can tell this is the chronological very beginning of this whole, thing(though it's worthy to note that other contemporary examples like I've Got a Time Bomb by Sybille Lamb and Otros Valles by Jamie Berrout probably developed independently). Nevada is the book with the tropes you will see repeated or subverted or just replicated by accident in a bunch of the others. There is a trans woman, Maria Griffiths, and she is sad and emotionally shut off and her life sucks, even if she's a privileged little shit.
Otros Valles by Jamie Berrout: Most of these things don't have that much of a political consciousness, and some are downright lib in places, but Otros Valles spends a lot of time talking about mechanisms of oppression and is pretty cool. Nice antidote to Nevada, and I can recommend all of Berrout's other work, especially Mutual Aid Publishing.
Little Fish by Casey Plett: If you were raised in a Canadian Mennonite community and suspect that one of your grandparents may be trans, this is the book for you! It's weird but pleasant, maybe one of the less depressing out of this group. Casey Plett has other short stories in A Safe Girl To Love if you like this one.
Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters: Heir apparent to Nevada, same depressed trans woman in New York but with more ruminations on queer parenthood and how The Cis are sometimes almost cool. Nevada is necessary context for this imo, unless you're already a depressed Gen X trans woman.
Little Blue Encyclopedia by Hazel Jane Plante: This is the first one that doesn't have any apparent ties to Nevada and it's a great read, love me a sad lil gay t4t rumination on the author's crush on her deceased het friend. It's a rare sort of emotional catharsis in a subcategory of highly emotionally detached books.
Fluids by May Leitz: The grossest horror fiction I've ever read, but a really superb splatterpunk/extreme horror re-orientation focused on a queer/trans protagonist. It's stomach churning but a really worthwhile ride imo. Girl Flesh fucks too, and is a lot less gross, but has cis leads.
Manhunt by Gretchen Felker Martin: Not the best book on this list, kind of a mess and honestly sometimes it's just emotional suffering to read, but it has shades of intersectionality and its narrative that addresses political consciousness and assimilationism is pretty rad. It's about as terminally online as you can get for a setting without internet, though.
The Last Girl Scout by Natalie Ironside: It's the pulp-action-horror sapphic-t4t-romance set in a post-USA north america featuring full communism and some anarchism, it's weird how the book is into Lenin but not Stalin, but it's a really big expansive messy examination of how fascism be in the post apocalypse, and shit. By turns inspired by Fallout, STALKER, Dawn of the Dead and more.
:::
That's about it for really really good ones, I think. Nice little starter set, and also now I'm very recognisable. If you ever decide to read any of these you can hmu and I will say things about em probably.
8
lapis [fae/faer, comrade/them] - 2.4yr
These sound like a wide range from harrowing to fun as hell. Will definitely look into 'em more when I have bandwidth, so I've saved this comment; thanks much!
Detransition, Baby was actually already on my TBR, so I may pick that up first – or maybe Nevada before that, since from what you said it sounds like required reading before Detransition, Baby.
7
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.4yr
They're all at least a little rough at points, like none of them is light reading, lmao. Yw tho
Oh, yeah I mean you can technically read Detrans on its own, but Nevada introduces some stuff that makes Detrans a little less incomprehensible. It made sense to me anyway...
[forcing people to read Nevada all the time ]
7
lapis [fae/faer, comrade/them] - 2.4yr
like none of them is light reading, lmao
you underestimate the level of deranged that I am, comrade.
(joking aside, I do appreciate the warnings.)
7
Cromalin [she/her] - 2.4yr
bookmarking this post for later lmao
6
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.4yr
posting this bookmark for later lmao
If I could ensure that I had an actual audience, I could go off about most of these ngl.
7
Wake [she/her, they/them] - 2.4yr
Bookmarking this as well. These sound really interesting. Especially the last girl scout.
6
ashinadash [she/her] - 2.4yr
TLGS is like the only transfic I've ever seen that is textually an anarchism or a communism, other than Unjust Depths, it's pretty rad. Recommended trauma reading 👍
6
Cromalin [she/her] - 2.4yr
i have a copy ready for whenever i'm not completely swamped
3
Ho_Chi_Chungus [she/her] - 2.4yr
have to get my haircut again, unfortunately
i wait about 2-3 times as long as other men to get it cut because i never liked doing it
"oh you should try for something shorter this time, not like those other times" the thing i tell myself every time
show the barber some vague idea of what i want
he cuts it even shorter than the already shorter than what i wanted cut
get disappointed
show friends/family, hoping they too don't like it
they all say I look great
get even more disappointed
lmao i really did think these were normal cis thoughts
12
Wake [she/her, they/them] - 2.4yr
Reading this and I'm like "they're just like me frfr"
I've always hated getting my haircut. As long as I can remember I hated going to the barber. Once I was an adult, I'd only get it cut maybe once a quarter. All bets were off once it got cold enough to wear a hat everywhere.
I started to go to an actual barber about a year ago, and he does automatic scheduling. So for the last year I've been going really regularly even if I hate it since it's already scheduled. But I cancelled my appointment for last month and I haven't set up a new one yet. I don't think I'll be getting it regularly cut anymore. Just frequently enough to keep it healthy.
6
Cromalin [she/her] - 2.4yr
Just frequently enough to keep it healthy.
i didn't even do that once i realized i was trans, i went like 3 years without a single haircut just out of spite for having always gotten them so regularly up to that point (and to spite my brother who kept telling me to get a haircut. i wasn't out to him at the time, but he was a transphobic piece of shit once i was anyway)
Oh there's the "I'm not trans" thoughts. Right on time.
11
Wake [she/her, they/them] - 2.4yr
Unlocking a childhood memory is such an odd experience. As a young kid, I started to steal my dad's tshirts and wore them around our house. Just a T-shirt, socks, and underwear. I stopped when I got big enough that the shirts didn't go past my knees anymore. I remember doing this but I've never understood why. I just remembered that it was very comfortable.
Well, last night as I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep, I suddenly remembered. I was probably 5ish because I was still in leg braces (I had a bunch of surgeries on my legs and feet as a young child and wore leg braces until I was 5). I remember being somewhere, a store of some sort, with my mom and I remember asking her if I could have a dress to wear. I remember her saying no, and I remember being confused and pissed because that seemed unfair. I remember making the argument that dresses are just big shirts.
It dawned on me that my uncompliant ass decided right then and there to work around the system and just steal my dads shirts. I don't know if my parents ever put that together because they never stopped me from doing it.
I haven't come out to my parents yet, and I probably won't for a while. But when I do, I plan on asking about that.
10
Ho_Chi_Chungus [she/her] - 2.4yr
girls 💗💙🤍💙💗
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Cromalin [she/her] - 2.4yr
girls!
my favorite thing is being a girl and loving girls. it's pretty great!
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Ho_Chi_Chungus [she/her] - 2.4yr
yeah i guess that was the one big thing that really stopped me from realizing for so long
"yeah, of course I love girls. really, really do". And I did! honestly, it was (one of many) things that kept the egg cracking for so long was because it was so easy to deflect it with "but you just want to be with girls"
8
SnowySkyes - 2.4yr
You ever get that feeling that people around you are getting sick of your presence? I've been feeling like that lately and it's kinda crushing me somewhat.
How do you hide breast buds when wearing just a t-shirt? It makes me feel happy when I'm wearing a light hoodie and can still see just a faint hint that they're there, but spring is gonna be here soon and whenever I wear only a t-shirt it looks like my nipples are trying to poke a hole through the the fabric and it's a bit too conspicuous to go around in public like that. It's not like they could fit into a bra, it's just buds, but it's also extremly visible when I'm wearing just a thin layer.
edit: Thanks for the replies! I'll try some of the different options and see what works best for me
9
qtop [she/her] - 2.4yr
bralettes are good for this, just make sure they aren't too thin.
9
THIRD_WORLDIST - 2.4yr
you can get unwired cupless bras. usually sold in like S, M, L sizing instead of normal bra sizes
8
lapis [fae/faer, comrade/them] - 2.4yr
I've been wearing sports bras without the cups for this purpose for awhile now and they work great. Pasties could also be an option, if you're not averse to adhesives.
8
KittyBobo [he/him, comrade/them] - 2.4yr
I was thinking I want to just try antiandrogens with no other hormones, but DIY would be the only way I could do it.
9
frankfurt_schoolgirl [she/her] - 2.4yr
If you don't mind me asking, what are your goals with this? People will say that the human body needs sex hormones to function and it's dangerous to have none. That's not completely true, like women after menopause have low sex hormones, historically eunuchs lives their whole lives with low sex hormones. But, long term it definitely raises the risk of stuff like osteoporosis. Short term, it will probably reduce your sex drive and possibly give you low energy levels of depression.
Anti androgens are the tricky part of transfem hrt. Maor of them have side effects, and the difference in Moses of action is confusing. Spironolactone is the most common AA in the US, but it's actually a fairly bad drug. You probably won't be able to completely block T with just Spiro, and if you do you'll have to take a high dose with issues. Finasteride might work better I think. There's also Bicalutamide and cyproterone acetate, which I believe carry more risks.
Also, diy AAs are somewhat expensive. Most people doing DIY just do high dose estrogen injections. This works because your testicles will reduce testosterone production with high estrogen levels, and with enough will basically stop doing anything. However, doctors are reluctant to do estrogen monotherapy because is usually requires estrogen levels that are higher than the "standard cis women levels".
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KittyBobo [he/him, comrade/them] - 2.4yr
I just wanted to try it out to see how I feel. I don't want breasts, some minor feminisation would be okay because I'm already a bit androgynous. I have been thinking about just being null/eunuch or whatever but I wanted to know what that would feel like and if that's what I truly want. As for the bone density or other health issues, let me ask you this: If all HRT gave you cancer or shortened your life by 10 years would it be worth it to transition or would you just stick with the dysphoria?
9
AutomatedPossum [she/her] - 2.4yr
The least side-effect heavy option would be to go with a GNRH antagonist like leuprorelin (that's the stuff that's commonly known as puberty blockers). These are often only prescribed to pre-transition kids because they're the most expensive choice, but they may be worth the cost if you can afford them. CPA or spiro should be taken with regular bloodwork to avoid damage to the liver (CPA) or the kidneys (spiro), and bica has a reputation of being less effective than these.
There's also SERMs (selective estrogen reuptake modulators) like tamoxifen which are normally used to treat mamacarcinoma, which could in theory be used to achieve feminizing HRT without breast growth. idk if these are actually in use for this kind of stuff, or if they're available through DIY HRT vendors, but maybe they are an option. I'd research them a lot more if i'd be interested in that kind of stuff, tho, they sound fairly heavy.
But i get where you're coming from and how you view potential risks, it's not as if conventional feminizing HRT 25 years ago would have been kinder on the body and i still would've done that if i would have already been cracked at that time.
psychologytoday.com
You can search for a therapist by criteria. Therapists enter personal info that isn't disclosed such as being GNC, but the system will match you.
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Pluto [he/him, he/him] - 2.4yr
Good idea. I will tell them.
5
KittyBobo [he/him, comrade/them] - 2.4yr
Last night I got very high and had the thought that if I could afford hormones and surgery I wouldn't be depressed enough to need them and now that I've sobered up I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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l33tstr33t [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.4yr
I'm curious... if you had money you wouldn't be depressed enough to need hormones and surgery, but do you think you would still want them? It might be one of those things where you'd be happier to be financially secure but still have that gnawing feeling lurking in the background. Money does buy happiness, but being happier in one area might not have as much of an impact on others as you might think.
6
Ho_Chi_Chungus [she/her] - 2.4yr
day 5 of not being cis:
i haven't actually done anything physical with my presentation on account of it's been less than a fuckin week but i have suddenly noticed this subtle, keen awareness of myself that i never had before when i'm out in public. Unlike before I'm suddenly deeply, faintly aware that I present as male right now. I literally always have but suddenly I'm just far more aware of it. Using a cringe video game analogy, it's like there's a new little display on the HUD that says: "You present as: Male". That's always been true but now I'm so much more aware of it? It's weird
8
Wake [she/her, they/them] - 2.4yr
new little display on the HUD that says "You present as: Male"
This is such an accurate and funny way of putting it. I've always been socially anxious, but now I know exactly why. I'm acutely aware of exactly why. Like unlocking a new layer to the hud hahahaha
Also, there are some zero risk and cheap ways to feel more feminine. I started shaving my legs a month ago. Pretty much the week after my egg cracked. No one has to know unless you tell them and shaved legs plus freshly washed bedsheets is probably one of the best feelings in the world like just in general.
7
Ho_Chi_Chungus [she/her] - 2.4yr
Also, there are some zero risk and cheap ways to feel more feminine.
lmao yeah. still not even a week and bought myself some really femme pajamas. comfy, cozy, get to wear them for 8 hours on end and no one else has to know.
7
Jenniferrr [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.4yr
Yeah I'm over a year now since my egg cracked but I am pretty painfully aware most of the time when I'm presenting male, I try to at least reduce it so mentally I'm presenting a gender or NB or something but people still 100% see me as male. Like at work is basically the only place I present "male" but really it's hoodies jeans and doc martens which is 100% a gender neutral outfit. Idk. You could try this?
5
Ho_Chi_Chungus [she/her] - 2.4yr
Oh yeah, I work food service so my uniform is pretty uhhh... Idk how to put it but there's really no difference in "male or female" uniforms. I could get away with not changing my uniform, probably. Or not? Who knows? I'm still in the "oh my god this is all so new" phase where I'm just really excited at all the choices and possibilities
4
Jenniferrr [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.4yr
It's so fun isn't it
5
Jenniferrr [she/her, comrade/them] - 2.4yr
My favorite part was figuring out my style (still working on it but I have some bomb outfits now
5
Wake [she/her, they/them] - 2.4yr
It's too quiet in here. hope y'all are having a good weekend. The other day I realized some really heavy shit about my relationship with my ex-wife but I'm not gonna trauma dump here so instead I will wish you all a wonderful weekend and hope that next week is better than the last.
8
SnowySkyes - 2.4yr
I am having a great weekend thus far! It's been a nice, chill one and I've had a decent amount of fun. I hope the same for you, aside from the obvious mind you. If not, be sure to take care of yourself, comrade.
And you made me aware that I should probably be more cognizant of what I post here. I need to stop trauma dumping. =w=
5
SnowySkyes - 2.4yr
I've been having a really good week so far aside from a couple things out of control. I went out for my girlfriend's birthday last night with the polycule. We had a pretty great time. Probably the best time I've had going out since before COVID started. Still getting gendered correctly too even in a different style than what I was wearing. I'm also noticing way more men taking glances at me and it's...affirming yet kinda disgusting at the same time. IDK, I guess it's going to have to be something I have to get used to, cause men aren't going to change anytime soon.
My favorite part of this week so far? I finally figured out my final goals for my transition and I feel absolutely FANTASTIC. Even though I'm fairly far into transitioning, I was still kinda uncertain about how I hoped I would turn out at the end of all this. However, out of nowhere, I finally pinpointed it and I'm really stoked about it. I'm also not that far from it either. Just need the hormones to keep doing their thing with feminization and make a few changes on my end and I could actually maybe reach my goals
8
Ho_Chi_Chungus [she/her] - 2.4yr
oh god what was that one line i used to love saying? "I'm bi, which means I'm gay for women?" wow, that one feels a lot different now
7
Cromalin [she/her] - 2.4yr
i heard that suzy izzard line about being like, a male lesbian and was like "yeah, this guy gets it!"
well it turns out she did get it! she came out after i realized i was trans, but that news would have probably shaken something in my core if i had not yet hatched
7
Ho_Chi_Chungus [she/her] - 2.4yr
I still 100% firmly believe that cis bi men are "gay for women" but like, guess this one wasn't it for me 😅
5
Tommasi [she/her, pup/pup's] - 2.4yr
hehe i'm wearing a skirt and when i move my hips it goes swoosh
7
Cromalin [she/her] - 2.4yr
heehee
5
goaway420 [none/use name] - 2.4yr
6
Cromalin [she/her] - 2.4yr
do we think the new edition of whipping girl (with an added afterword on the current state of transphobia) is something that deserves its own post? i think it might
SnowySkyes in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
Weekly Trans Megathread for the Week of 3/04 - 3/10
Hang out. Chat. Talk about what's going on. Have fun :3
Over the last several weeks, I've been talking a lot with my two closest friends. They're both trans femmes and they've been really great to me. They've been listening so closely to me working out over two decades of bottled up trauma and never seemed to get tired of it. I feel like such an unimaginable weight has been lifted
And the whole time I look back on that time I am absolutely baffled and astounded that they bit their tongues and never told me the most obvious thing on earth
Good afternoon, !traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns@hexbear.net. I made it :)
So happy for you!
So proud of you!
:)))
Welcome!
honestly, right now I don't even consider myself "trans", just "not cis" it doesn't feel like much, but honestly I can't understate what a huge effect telling myself that has had on me. It's been not even 4 days since the egg cracked and I've already found myself just... so happy. Twice I've randomly just teared up while driving around. I looked in the mirror and actually smiled at what I saw. I honest to god don't think I've ever even done that before :)
I can't even type the same anymore. I keep putting little heart emojis and :) smileys in everything and it's great! 💕💕💕
I always got so disappointed getting my hair cut. I always felt like I had to get it cut shorter than I wanted and it ended up even shorter afterwards. Whenever I showed people afterwords, I almost felt hurt when they said how nice it looked
Now I don't even have to go back to get my hair cut until next year :))). maybe it can wait even longer? who knows???
For healthy long hair the tips need to be cut every few months(for me around 6). You can generally tell when it's time yourself, when looking at your tips, for split ends.
Yeah, just not getting a haircut for that long is probably a bad idea, I just got excited at the thought of it. I should still get at least a trim every now and again
if you find a good nice hairdresser they can give you useful haircare tips. If you have a rarer hairtype(whatever that may be in your region) prepare look a long time for people who actually can give good tips.
It's like finally finding the last peice of the puzzle you've been looking for.
CW: The cheesiest, most Hallmark movie ass shit you've ever heard
It's funny looking back at it. Of course I had the "absolutely not cis" thoughts back then but there was a never ending well of suppression I could draw on to shrug them off. Only over the last like... 2-3 weeks of my life have I ever even made a decisive effort to actually start respecting myself and actually asking what I wanted. Only once I earnestly believed I could want things and I was deserving of them did the egg finally crack after 2 fuckin weeks
Now I get to do fun trans girl stuff and nobody can stop me :3
yeah!
but that's so real, i spent years repressing shit but now i constantly look back on being 13 and go "ohhh, that was because i was trans!" about all sorts of shit, it was absolutely impossible to take any step towards really knowing myself without having that ground understanding
i'm super happy for you!
::: spoiler [CW: Doomer posting about R*ddit trans communities]
Never going back to that site ever again, even just to lurk. It's insane how awful people are...
I'm baffled by how transphobic some trans people are, even in seemingly "welcoming" spaces.
:::
It's a known issue that cissies lurk trans subreddits and boost the good assimilationists
ban cis
Extremely depressing how quick some of them are to throw fellow trans people under the bus to score imaginary points with cis people.
I'm baffled by how some people can be so staunchly convicted in being overtly hypocritical.
Was at the hormone clinic yesterday and saw atleast two other cute girls
didnt say anything because they were talking with each other and didnt want to intrude
also a doctor told me that my rainbow keffiyeh was pretty
taking my estrogen rn
Hey, me too! Only reason why Mondays kinda kick ass.
Go to Nordstrom Rack.
Clerk asks to sign up for membership.
Say yes.
Give name, email, phone number.
Go home.
Receive Nordstrom marketing email.
It's the women's catalogue.
Receive Nordstrom marketing email.
It's the women's catalogue?
Receive Nordstrom marketing email.
It's the women's catalogue!!
Considering introducing myself at the local trans discord but I'm afraid of being perceived
She's just like me fr fr
just done with my skincare routine against laser face. it's a lot less severe this time, i'm 8 sessions in and at the point were the only real painful part is the upper lip, even the edges of my chin that used to be the absolute worst have become a minor nuisance by now
picked up a friend from the hospital after her second round of bottom surgery yesterday. she's still a bit fatigued, but everything went fine and she's extremely happy with the results. The trans joy she radiated was so contagious, it felt good to be a tiny part of that experience and to be there for her.
also i miss my gal pal, she's so sweet and caring and i feel so good around her. i've never had anybody make me feel so secure.
::: spoiler CW: transphobic policy and other anxiety provoking things.
Just need to rant and be heard by my comrades for a min. If you get anxiety or panic attacks from the worry of conservative's rabid pursuit of exterminating us, don't read this and get yourself wound up - I know that reading these things fucks me up.
Been getting a lot of severe anxiety about the plan 2025 stuff, though I haven't actually read it or watched Second Thought's video on it. Part of me is wondering why it's not being covered more. I generally see chuds and the people who go off about us as folks that couldn't organize their way out of a wet paper bag, I mean just look at the boarder convoy. Jan 6 was another one, they possess nothing beyond their grievance politics, and they have no ideology or clear cut objectives let alone organization. If they had these things in place, they may have actually succeeded in an overthrow. But it seems that this 2025 thing is actual policy planners, probably the same cadre of sick fucks that worked on Roe v. Wade for the past several decades.
Then I vacillate between these issues and climate change, I can't even see a temperature chart without feeling like I could throw up and God help me if I look at the doomer con.
I want to get the fuck out of the US, but I feel my spouse can't handle doing something like that. Truth be told, I was in a war once and it fucked me up - I don't want to do this shit again, especially in my own home town. God damn them all to hell.
If you've read this, thanks for hearing me out. I love you, you are beautiful, and you are worthy of love and respect. :::
I read your post and hear you. You definitely aren't alone.
i wonder if getting the estrogen will help me with my lack of motivation
in my experience: it helps some, but you may want to look into stimulants
stimulants like drugs or stimulants like coffee
adderall was a gamechanger for me, genuinely immediate massive differences in how much i can do in a day and at a time
coffee is kinda like a lesser version of that, but it also means my already high bathroom usage skyrockets which really limits its effect on my productivity
ill look into adderall, since coffee had a similar effect on me
thank you cromalin
There's several other stim medications too. The first ones that providers turn to though are non-stimulant (Strattera and sometimes the antidepressant bupropion), because they are not controlled substances and there's less abuse potential. If those work for you, great! If not, they'll move you on. The key is consistent communication with your provider, reporting all of your behaviors and symptoms.
obvious disclaimer that i am not a doctor and am not qualified to give actual medical advice, and what worked for me may not for you, and even if you have adhd adderall may not be ideal for you. but i went "i definitely have adhd, i need to get tested for adhd so i can get treated," got treated, and then was prescribed adderall. so if you think you might have adhd that would be my recommendation
I need to do this. I'm really struggling right now, and I strongly suspect it's ADHD. My fear, irrational as it no doubt is, is that I'll go in and be like, "I think I have adhd, please diagnose me", and they'll be like "you're lying to try and get drugs, fuck off". I'm a bit paralyzed by this fear, even though it's probably irrational and good god do I need to do something about my current situation, this is simply untenable!
yeah i felt a little like that when i went in for testing, but i just described the problems i was having and they went "oh that definitely sounds like adhd"
i hope you can get treatment, i was definitely the same way before testing
It did for me! I finished college with a 3.9 gpa after I started E, before I could only take like 1-2 classes a semester and occasionally failed them.
this is motivation
titties will give me better grades
but like literally they're my medically necessary titties
I have learned to care for my hair well enough to actually get compliments from women over it. Which makes me very happy.
Was kinda difficult too, since very few hairdressers here have any knowledge of how to care for my hairtype. I got a bunch of wrong and harmful "tips" till I found someone who could actually help me.
Now I just need to learn how to style it in more ways than just leaving it open, or having a ponytail.
Anyone have a good information on very curly blond hair? I feel like braiding it would diminish it's qualities. I like having natural corkscrews.
In some other ways I feel like I am stagnating in my transition, but I also feel that I should not be putting pressure on myself, things are moving, if slowly.
Life is going really well this week (well, big asterisk, cause ill probs be homeless come end of march) and ive been connecting with people and like having a lovely time being social. Idk having people who you like being around is really nice. Went to the local t4t night at a bar that is i think a socialist bar, which was fun. Went with some friends and just hung out and talked, which was really enjoyable, even if my anxiety was through the roof the entire time.
Life is just wonderful right now, even if I have no job prospects and all the housing ads i respond to say nah.
I also started P a week ago, which has been really nice and stabilized my mood a bit. Ive also been debating compounding my own P, but im afraid of ordering a kg of white powder to my door lol.
Its also my birthday soon which i have such mixed feelings about.
bit idea: a chain smoking trans girl who wants to change her name to nicorette
Hiiii, hows it going? I hope everyone is/will have a great week. 🥰🥰🥰🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🥰🥰🥰
Hi. :3 My head hurts.
::: spoiler transphobia, sad, family I wanna cry, still years away from getting to somewhere I could transition, and I have no solid plans, waiting for things to get more stable before I even really plan too far.
it hurts knowing I'm gonna be cutting off family, interacting with them is, difficult now too, there's a feeling in the back of my head telling me how disgusting they'd think I am and how they'd reject me if they knew, and it's very hard to ignore and to just interact normally, the "love" and care they give me feels hollow and just not real, knowing that it's conditional on me pretending to be cis and hetero and fitting what they think I should be :::
https://lemmygrad.ml/pictrs/image/0ad3c3a2-b455-4259-a451-a7cc7785adf4.png
Im so sorry about your family, I wish you the best of luck in getting out of there.
moving update:
packing fucking sucks
that is all
This is one of the rarely mentioned disparities between the rich and poor I always fixate on as someone who has moved an unreasonable amount of times for my age
So much grueling labor, often under right deadlines due to leases and truck rentals
that is an interesting thought i had never considered! there is quite a gulf there yeah
a gulf that is obliterating my back
Your weekly post
I hooked up with my ex and feel really weird about it
Congrats on the sex at least?!
What felt weird about it?
Felt weird because it was the first time I had sex like since I transitioned and honestly don't know how to have sex.... as a girl. So topping left me feeling... a bit like a guy lol. And then she accidentally misgendered me on the way out :/
😟 I guess I rescind my congrats, I'm sorry!! At least it was accidental.
Yeah definitely just left me feeling lol very strange 😅
Chat, I am in fear. The goodreads lady actually messaged me on Discord and it's terrifying: she has read The Last Girl Scout. She knows who Torrey Peters is. She even had Unjust Depths on her to-be-read list already!!!!!
I was unprepared to find someone who knows about this type of shit. I'm gonna Improve My Understanding when I quit having panic attacks about it.
oh shit, godspeed with your new conversation partner!
down with cis
Are you cis or are you based?
I have managed to speak on cringe Goodreads with another trans woman about the specific subsection of freakish trans literary fiction novels over which I have brainworms. This is arguably the first external, independent acknowledgement I've received that I did not simply invent the connections between them as a result of psychosis or something.
It's ALL fucking Nevada, trust me sis.
Oh, she also said she uses my Goodreads to find a lot of these books in the first place, thereby proving that I am in fact the foremost specialist in this nonexistent field of study. It's mine.
NEW UPDATE she wants to talk on Discord, could it really happen??????
Well damn, now I'm curious. Got any book recs?
I dunno, like, what are you looking for? What're you curious about specifically, what're you hoping to read?
I was thinking the specific subsection of freakish trans literary fiction novels over which you have brainworms, which I know nothing of.
Nobody knows anything of them, it's a mystery
I was hoping to know precisely how depressed and/or weirded out you want to be, but oh well. I usually wouldn't do this but I guess here is a little treat. You'll want to check Storygraph content warnings for all of these, they're too "old media" to have them but most desperately need them:
::: spoiler Click to REVEAL THE HORRORS
Nevada by Imogen Binnie: Maybe some people have a religion with holy scriptures and such; I have this book and all its stupid quotes. Near as I can tell this is the chronological very beginning of this whole, thing(though it's worthy to note that other contemporary examples like I've Got a Time Bomb by Sybille Lamb and Otros Valles by Jamie Berrout probably developed independently). Nevada is the book with the tropes you will see repeated or subverted or just replicated by accident in a bunch of the others. There is a trans woman, Maria Griffiths, and she is sad and emotionally shut off and her life sucks, even if she's a privileged little shit.
Otros Valles by Jamie Berrout: Most of these things don't have that much of a political consciousness, and some are downright lib in places, but Otros Valles spends a lot of time talking about mechanisms of oppression and is pretty cool. Nice antidote to Nevada, and I can recommend all of Berrout's other work, especially Mutual Aid Publishing.
Little Fish by Casey Plett: If you were raised in a Canadian Mennonite community and suspect that one of your grandparents may be trans, this is the book for you! It's weird but pleasant, maybe one of the less depressing out of this group. Casey Plett has other short stories in A Safe Girl To Love if you like this one.
Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters: Heir apparent to Nevada, same depressed trans woman in New York but with more ruminations on queer parenthood and how The Cis are sometimes almost cool. Nevada is necessary context for this imo, unless you're already a depressed Gen X trans woman.
Little Blue Encyclopedia by Hazel Jane Plante: This is the first one that doesn't have any apparent ties to Nevada and it's a great read, love me a sad lil gay t4t rumination on the author's crush on her deceased het friend. It's a rare sort of emotional catharsis in a subcategory of highly emotionally detached books.
Fluids by May Leitz: The grossest horror fiction I've ever read, but a really superb splatterpunk/extreme horror re-orientation focused on a queer/trans protagonist. It's stomach churning but a really worthwhile ride imo. Girl Flesh fucks too, and is a lot less gross, but has cis leads.
Manhunt by Gretchen Felker Martin: Not the best book on this list, kind of a mess and honestly sometimes it's just emotional suffering to read, but it has shades of intersectionality and its narrative that addresses political consciousness and assimilationism is pretty rad. It's about as terminally online as you can get for a setting without internet, though.
The Last Girl Scout by Natalie Ironside: It's the pulp-action-horror sapphic-t4t-romance set in a post-USA north america featuring full communism and some anarchism, it's weird how the book is into Lenin but not Stalin, but it's a really big expansive messy examination of how fascism be in the post apocalypse, and shit. By turns inspired by Fallout, STALKER, Dawn of the Dead and more.
:::
That's about it for really really good ones, I think. Nice little starter set, and also now I'm very recognisable. If you ever decide to read any of these you can hmu and I will say things about em probably.
These sound like a wide range from harrowing to fun as hell. Will definitely look into 'em more when I have bandwidth, so I've saved this comment; thanks much!
Detransition, Baby was actually already on my TBR, so I may pick that up first – or maybe Nevada before that, since from what you said it sounds like required reading before Detransition, Baby.
They're all at least a little rough at points, like none of them is light reading, lmao. Yw tho
Oh, yeah I mean you can technically read Detrans on its own, but Nevada introduces some stuff that makes Detrans a little less incomprehensible. It made sense to me anyway...
[forcing people to read Nevada all the time
]
you underestimate the level of deranged that I am, comrade.
(joking aside, I do appreciate the warnings.)
bookmarking this post for later lmao
posting this bookmark for later lmao
If I could ensure that I had an actual audience, I could go off about most of these ngl.
Bookmarking this as well. These sound really interesting. Especially the last girl scout.
TLGS is like the only transfic I've ever seen that is textually an anarchism or a communism, other than Unjust Depths, it's pretty rad. Recommended trauma reading 👍
i have a copy ready for whenever i'm not completely swamped
lmao i really did think these were normal cis thoughts
Reading this and I'm like "they're just like me frfr"
I've always hated getting my haircut. As long as I can remember I hated going to the barber. Once I was an adult, I'd only get it cut maybe once a quarter. All bets were off once it got cold enough to wear a hat everywhere.
I started to go to an actual barber about a year ago, and he does automatic scheduling. So for the last year I've been going really regularly even if I hate it since it's already scheduled. But I cancelled my appointment for last month and I haven't set up a new one yet. I don't think I'll be getting it regularly cut anymore. Just frequently enough to keep it healthy.
i didn't even do that once i realized i was trans, i went like 3 years without a single haircut just out of spite for having always gotten them so regularly up to that point (and to spite my brother who kept telling me to get a haircut. i wasn't out to him at the time, but he was a transphobic piece of shit once i was anyway)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucy_Salani
Just heard about this person for the first time
New Trans Individual just dropped
Oh there's the "I'm not trans" thoughts. Right on time.
Unlocking a childhood memory is such an odd experience. As a young kid, I started to steal my dad's tshirts and wore them around our house. Just a T-shirt, socks, and underwear. I stopped when I got big enough that the shirts didn't go past my knees anymore. I remember doing this but I've never understood why. I just remembered that it was very comfortable.
Well, last night as I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep, I suddenly remembered. I was probably 5ish because I was still in leg braces (I had a bunch of surgeries on my legs and feet as a young child and wore leg braces until I was 5). I remember being somewhere, a store of some sort, with my mom and I remember asking her if I could have a dress to wear. I remember her saying no, and I remember being confused and pissed because that seemed unfair. I remember making the argument that dresses are just big shirts.
It dawned on me that my uncompliant ass decided right then and there to work around the system and just steal my dads shirts. I don't know if my parents ever put that together because they never stopped me from doing it.
I haven't come out to my parents yet, and I probably won't for a while. But when I do, I plan on asking about that.
girls 💗💙🤍💙💗
my favorite thing is being a girl and loving girls. it's pretty great!
yeah i guess that was the one big thing that really stopped me from realizing for so long
"yeah, of course I love girls. really, really do". And I did! honestly, it was (one of many) things that kept the egg cracking for so long was because it was so easy to deflect it with "but you just want to be with girls"
You ever get that feeling that people around you are getting sick of your presence? I've been feeling like that lately and it's kinda crushing me somewhat.
https://lemmygrad.ml/pictrs/image/91928184-f643-4d52-bd7f-c26f1569ba86.png
Yes every single day.
How do you hide breast buds when wearing just a t-shirt? It makes me feel happy when I'm wearing a light hoodie and can still see just a faint hint that they're there, but spring is gonna be here soon and whenever I wear only a t-shirt it looks like my nipples are trying to poke a hole through the the fabric and it's a bit too conspicuous to go around in public like that. It's not like they could fit into a bra, it's just buds, but it's also extremly visible when I'm wearing just a thin layer.
edit: Thanks for the replies! I'll try some of the different options and see what works best for me
bralettes are good for this, just make sure they aren't too thin.
you can get unwired cupless bras. usually sold in like S, M, L sizing instead of normal bra sizes
I've been wearing sports bras without the cups for this purpose for awhile now and they work great. Pasties could also be an option, if you're not averse to adhesives.
I was thinking I want to just try antiandrogens with no other hormones, but DIY would be the only way I could do it.
If you don't mind me asking, what are your goals with this? People will say that the human body needs sex hormones to function and it's dangerous to have none. That's not completely true, like women after menopause have low sex hormones, historically eunuchs lives their whole lives with low sex hormones. But, long term it definitely raises the risk of stuff like osteoporosis. Short term, it will probably reduce your sex drive and possibly give you low energy levels of depression.
Anti androgens are the tricky part of transfem hrt. Maor of them have side effects, and the difference in Moses of action is confusing. Spironolactone is the most common AA in the US, but it's actually a fairly bad drug. You probably won't be able to completely block T with just Spiro, and if you do you'll have to take a high dose with issues. Finasteride might work better I think. There's also Bicalutamide and cyproterone acetate, which I believe carry more risks.
Also, diy AAs are somewhat expensive. Most people doing DIY just do high dose estrogen injections. This works because your testicles will reduce testosterone production with high estrogen levels, and with enough will basically stop doing anything. However, doctors are reluctant to do estrogen monotherapy because is usually requires estrogen levels that are higher than the "standard cis women levels".
I just wanted to try it out to see how I feel. I don't want breasts, some minor feminisation would be okay because I'm already a bit androgynous. I have been thinking about just being null/eunuch or whatever but I wanted to know what that would feel like and if that's what I truly want. As for the bone density or other health issues, let me ask you this: If all HRT gave you cancer or shortened your life by 10 years would it be worth it to transition or would you just stick with the dysphoria?
The least side-effect heavy option would be to go with a GNRH antagonist like leuprorelin (that's the stuff that's commonly known as puberty blockers). These are often only prescribed to pre-transition kids because they're the most expensive choice, but they may be worth the cost if you can afford them. CPA or spiro should be taken with regular bloodwork to avoid damage to the liver (CPA) or the kidneys (spiro), and bica has a reputation of being less effective than these.
There's also SERMs (selective estrogen reuptake modulators) like tamoxifen which are normally used to treat mamacarcinoma, which could in theory be used to achieve feminizing HRT without breast growth. idk if these are actually in use for this kind of stuff, or if they're available through DIY HRT vendors, but maybe they are an option. I'd research them a lot more if i'd be interested in that kind of stuff, tho, they sound fairly heavy.
But i get where you're coming from and how you view potential risks, it's not as if conventional feminizing HRT 25 years ago would have been kinder on the body and i still would've done that if i would have already been cracked at that time.
That'll fuck up your health comrade, we need sex hormones for normal functioning.
Isn't that bad for bone density and stuff?
I tried to convince a trans friend who is also Autistic to find a trans therapist.
Does anyone have a resource I can share with them in order to get them to find a trans therapist (rather than the gay one they have currently)?
psychologytoday.com You can search for a therapist by criteria. Therapists enter personal info that isn't disclosed such as being GNC, but the system will match you.
Good idea. I will tell them.
Last night I got very high and had the thought that if I could afford hormones and surgery I wouldn't be depressed enough to need them and now that I've sobered up I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm curious... if you had money you wouldn't be depressed enough to need hormones and surgery, but do you think you would still want them? It might be one of those things where you'd be happier to be financially secure but still have that gnawing feeling lurking in the background. Money does buy happiness, but being happier in one area might not have as much of an impact on others as you might think.
day 5 of not being cis:
i haven't actually done anything physical with my presentation on account of it's been less than a fuckin week but i have suddenly noticed this subtle, keen awareness of myself that i never had before when i'm out in public. Unlike before I'm suddenly deeply, faintly aware that I present as male right now. I literally always have but suddenly I'm just far more aware of it. Using a cringe video game analogy, it's like there's a new little display on the HUD that says: "You present as: Male". That's always been true but now I'm so much more aware of it? It's weird
This is such an accurate and funny way of putting it. I've always been socially anxious, but now I know exactly why. I'm acutely aware of exactly why. Like unlocking a new layer to the hud hahahaha
Also, there are some zero risk and cheap ways to feel more feminine. I started shaving my legs a month ago. Pretty much the week after my egg cracked. No one has to know unless you tell them and shaved legs plus freshly washed bedsheets is probably one of the best feelings in the world like just in general.
lmao yeah. still not even a week and bought myself some really femme pajamas. comfy, cozy, get to wear them for 8 hours on end and no one else has to know.
Yeah I'm over a year now since my egg cracked but I am pretty painfully aware most of the time when I'm presenting male, I try to at least reduce it so mentally I'm presenting a gender or NB or something but people still 100% see me as male. Like at work is basically the only place I present "male" but really it's hoodies jeans and doc martens which is 100% a gender neutral outfit. Idk. You could try this?
Oh yeah, I work food service so my uniform is pretty uhhh... Idk how to put it but there's really no difference in "male or female" uniforms. I could get away with not changing my uniform, probably. Or not? Who knows? I'm still in the "oh my god this is all so new" phase where I'm just really excited at all the choices and possibilities
It's so fun isn't it
My favorite part was figuring out my style (still working on it but I have some bomb outfits now
It's too quiet in here.
hope y'all are having a good weekend. The other day I realized some really heavy shit about my relationship with my ex-wife but I'm not gonna trauma dump here so instead I will wish you all a wonderful weekend and hope that next week is better than the last.
I am having a great weekend thus far! It's been a nice, chill one and I've had a decent amount of fun. I hope the same for you, aside from the obvious mind you. If not, be sure to take care of yourself, comrade.
And you made me aware that I should probably be more cognizant of what I post here. I need to stop trauma dumping. =w=
I've been having a really good week so far aside from a couple things out of control. I went out for my girlfriend's birthday last night with the polycule. We had a pretty great time. Probably the best time I've had going out since before COVID started. Still getting gendered correctly too even in a different style than what I was wearing. I'm also noticing way more men taking glances at me and it's...affirming yet kinda disgusting at the same time. IDK, I guess it's going to have to be something I have to get used to, cause men aren't going to change anytime soon.
My favorite part of this week so far? I finally figured out my final goals for my transition and I feel absolutely FANTASTIC. Even though I'm fairly far into transitioning, I was still kinda uncertain about how I hoped I would turn out at the end of all this. However, out of nowhere, I finally pinpointed it and I'm really stoked about it. I'm also not that far from it either. Just need the hormones to keep doing their thing with feminization and make a few changes on my end and I could actually maybe reach my goals
oh god what was that one line i used to love saying? "I'm bi, which means I'm gay for women?" wow, that one feels a lot different now
i heard that suzy izzard line about being like, a male lesbian and was like "yeah, this guy gets it!"
well it turns out she did get it! she came out after i realized i was trans, but that news would have probably shaken something in my core if i had not yet hatched
I still 100% firmly believe that cis bi men are "gay for women" but like, guess this one wasn't it for me 😅
hehe i'm wearing a skirt and when i move my hips it goes swoosh
heehee
do we think the new edition of whipping girl (with an added afterword on the current state of transphobia) is something that deserves its own post? i think it might