Welcome to the weekly "I get irrationally excited about trains for about 15 seconds megathread!"

My son came out to his grandpa this week. He absolutely didn't give a shit. He was more upset about realizing his gift of a pretty princess castle play set a decade ago wasn't as well-received as he thought.

It rocked.

I'm almost 6 years post-HRT, and a few years ago I stopped wearing make-up on a daily basis because I'm very lazy. Men seem to be flirting with me regardless, and yet dysphoria has a habit of telling me that I don't pass well enough. Dysphoria really is a fuck.

What I thought it'd be like to be trans:

My experience of being trans:

It's mostly paperwork.

i have a gay ass girlfriend and it's pretty great

barring any last minute catastrophes your girl will FINALLY be leaving florida behind! it has taken me so many years but that doesn't matter now because it's finally fucking happeniiiiiing

This week been not so good at my main gig gonna have a vent;

CW: transphobia, sexism, racism, ableism, misgendering etc at work ::: spoiler spoiler My voice doesn't pass on its own but in context with me it typically does since I've got a full beard and try to act all masc and such. So there I was at work at my main gig as a cashier with some poor rando teen and some chud was whining since the line long like a snake in Nibbles about to lose, and apparently he clocked me, so he started ranting that young girls these days lack any work ethic and began on some sexist , ableist and transphobic rant about young women these days being all mentally ill, the poor teen as being pierced and therefore forever unattractive and me as bearded. A bit later I rung him and his bigoted wife up and they tried to start shit and be hostile, but I played my extra thick and friendly cashier ploy that works 99.99% of the time with such sorts and it threw them off, I had to card him for some reason and I wanted to say 'son I'm fuckin 35, young girl? I'm older than you' Also had a bunch of elderly customers clock me, usually they don't and they just spammed misgendering to get a rise, you could see it in their eyes, again the whole thick cashier bit throws them off and the evil sparkle of delight go bye bye but not the and sometimes they fume out the door. Usually I just get a lot of racism 'oh we're hiring illegals now' and people speaking the worst Spanish one can imagine. This week I must have critrolled failed something and am getting a little of everything. Can't wait to start that voice therapy session in a few weeks, maybe help somewhat with this. :::

I don't know if this is the right place to discuss this, but I strongly suspect Bushnell was a trans person. I base this argument on their Twitch channel name, which is Lilyanarkitty.

1. Searching for "anarkitty," besides pointing to Bushnell, gives me the pseudonym of an artist named Emma Geary, a genderfluid fictional character, and a defunct Twitter account who went by QueerfemSchmutz. So, this name has clear gender connotations, ones that are decidedly non-cishet male.

2. The "Lily" is self-explanatory and might be the actual name Bushnell wants to be remembered as. Bushnell chose to record their final moments using a channel name that starts with a fairly common and unambiguous woman's name.

There's also precedent back in 2019 when another anarchist who might have been a trans woman tried firebombing an ICE concentration camp with Molotov cocktails. I forgot what the consensus of van Spronsen's gender identity was, but I remember the argument that van Spronsen was a trans woman to be fairly compelling. I think the main argument was that van Spronsen repeatedly used a pseudonym that was a composite of the names of famous women.

I no longer feel comfortable using Bushnell's reported first name or even using he/him pronouns.

Edit: They had a Reddit account called acebush1. I browsed through some of the posts, and it's consistent with what we know about Bushnell, an anarchist who's also in the USAF. The username also makes sense, "bush" being the shortened form of their last name Bushnell. None of the posts I've seen stands out as eggy at all, but there's also this. If this is true, then Bushnell's original Twitch channel name was just acebush1 that they then changed to lilyanarkitty. So, we can rule out the channel being the channel of Bushnell's hypothetical anarchist partner named Lily.

I got some of those big poofy knickerbocker pants and my dysphoria about having skinny hips doesn't stand a chance! I look so cool now.

::: spoiler nsfw and dysphoria But I'm also dealing with medical issues that are leaving me feel like an inadequate girlfriend. Bottom dysphoria got me feeling like a mermaid, except the top half is a fish and the bottom half is a fish and I'm just a big floppy fish. Bf has been very understanding but it still really sucks and I need to find a doctor. :::

Time for my post

I'm kind of fuming this morning because there's some anti trans child talk being held at my uni tomorrow. Were an extremely mid school in a rural area, so I thought we might get a break from this shit. But apparently not.

It's hosted by some Christian debate lord group. The talk has the phrase "the philosophy of gender" in the title, so the philosophy department freaked out and sent out a very PC email reiterating that this was not sponsored by them. They also said we could talk to a philosophy faculty member if we feel sad I guess? They're all too happy to do ridiculous pronoun circles in their classes, but when actually bigotry shows up all they do is talk about their feelings.

Idk whatever, I need to just ignore and not care about this. I lack the precondition for action against these people, which is being organized with others. I do hope somebody like pulls the fire alarm or something, but it won't be me.

why can't i just do a bibbity bobbity BIG FUCKING TITS and get some REAL HONKERS ya know?

I started dating someone! They are nonbinary and just amazing. This is the first time I have had a romantic relationship with anyone since transitioning, and I feel so seen for the first time. I hope I can do the same for them, they are so sweet and understanding.

I'm going to trans you with my trans laser

Things I am happy about this week:

1. I got a haircut two weeks ago and dyed my hair teal over the weekend, it is so very gender.
2. I'm going to a queer punk/ska concert later this week and am super fucking stoked.
3. I know it's consumerism, but I finally found a pair of heels that suits my style (bc apparently there are now all-black chuck taylor heels) and I had a 20% off coupon from my birthday that was still valid.

::: spoiler Now to the less happy things (CW: discussion of Aaron Bushnell, medical uncertainty, and firearms)

I finally watched the uncensored video of Aaron Bushnell's self immolation, and it really hammered home the point that this country is hurtling towards destabilization at breakneck speed, and this has me worried about a couple of things:

1. I want need to arm myself, as a member of a marginalized group, but guns and ammo are expensive af, and making time to go to the range is gonna be a huge pain, especially when the one low-cost range here is frequented by the local PD.
2. I'm really worried about how medications will be handled when existing systems are impacted by mass riots and possibly even open revolt. I of course worry about people with chronic illnesses and whatnot, but, selfishly, I'm really worried about having to go off hormones if they become sparse – I have loved living on estrogen instead of testosterone, and frankly, going back to being T-dominant is almost definitely going to massively fuck up my brain function (just like it used to). I think getting infrastructure in place for local hormone and medication production is a must for and major communist/anarchist movement.
3. I want to contribute to building out some type of resilient, offline WAN for local commies and queers, because KOSA has me worried as fuck about the future of communication on the internet. And that's gonna take significant organizing work.

I know everything here, except maybe (2), is at least manageable and doable. But combined with the fact I have negative spoons after working 40hrs a week (thanks, AuDHD), it is gonna take some major effort on my part, which just plain sucks.

:::

Anyways yay for hair and queer punk/ska and heels, at least.

No one wants to work anymore. Everyone wants to lay on the couch and listen to Batushka. I'm everyone

T4T is the ultimate relationship modality, love it.

Hiiii, I hope everyone is doing well, staying safe, and will have a good week!!! 🥰🥰🥰🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🥰🥰🥰

going to be travelling over the ocean to see my girlfriend finally on saturday!

Pleased to report that you can in fact become extroverted. I'm actually looking forward to going out and meeting new people at a festival this weekend, which is a wholly new experience for me.

Local thing adds trans flag to name, saying to itself "it's just to show off updates in lemmy", two months later it is questioning gender. More news at 11.

Also, I found this line in a book which I quite liked: "One hopes that not even a prison can dim that gayness which seemed to cause her to bubble over"

::: spoiler spoiler Yes, Russian Justice was written in the 1930s, and yes in that context gay means happy.

::: spoiler longer quote

We talked next with a pretty black-haired girl whose eyes sparkled with mischief. No one was near to listen. For robbery, she told us frankly, she had been sent for five years of deprivation of liberty. One hopes that not even a prison can dim that gayness which seemed to cause her to bubble over. Was she getting along all right, she was asked? Fine! She laughed with us, talked animatedly for several minutes. Did she feel resentful? No, because she was learning there and she shouldn’t have stolen anyway. How will she get a job when she gets out? There were more jobs than people she told us as if she had learned a lesson. Was she sure? we asked. All the people who leave here get work at once. She knew that to be true. Why shouldn’t they? They were good workmen, she added :::

Got exposed to some transphobia while around some old dudes in boymode. They were really resistant to even getting the idea that gender can be chosen. I used to like them, still do somewhat. Well we will be hanging out in the same spaces for the forseeable future, so maybe I can get some education into those 60 year olds. At least it's not hate, just a deep lack of understanding.

I ended up making up with my girlfriend. We sat down and had a long discussion and came to a good conclusion that we both feel good about. Seems that everything should be fine for us from here on forward. I just hope the system we put in place to help our communication along is successful. I really love her and I don’t want things to fall apart. I’m just really glad that we could hash it out.

——

In part two of this post, I went out today for the first time in a skirt. You’d think I would’ve done this sooner, but I realize I hadn’t. It was a nice outfit with leggings, said skirt, a tshirt, and a leather jacket. I also did my makeup pretty good if I do say so myself. It looked pretty damn good imo. A lot of people payed me no mind though I had a couple stares. Can never tell if they’re people that clocked me, think I actually look good, or just stare at my chest. Still makes me uncomfortable one way or the other.

Longtime lurker, occasional poster! Trying to come out of my shell because I'm starting to question my gender. I never felt like I fit the mold of "guy" and it's always something that I've had to try to do. I always felt awkward in all ways in school.

Lately, I'm really considering the possibility of being trans. I buy women's clothes, I try to talk and move in a slightly more feminine way. I was on a website and there was a page titled "I hope I'm trans" and seeing that in writing led to this moment of "Oh fish, I think I wish I were a girl!"

I'm trying to figure out who to talk to about these things. People in my life are pro-LGBT, but I'm just generally distant. Like, how to open up about this when I've just never been open. It's a challenge.

I LOVE MY TRANS COMRADES!

domestically produced love for the most economic independence

I'm suddenly getting bullied at work and its a bit, how they say, hows your father (which as I understand it means dont ask

Lots of dysphoria today, probably because I had a bad day in general and wasn't in a good mood, so it just spiralled

Played some video games with a friend for a few hours and it helped take my mind off things, so that was really nice. New and better day tomorrow.

I got "Oi love!"-ed on the bus the other day by some drunk bloke. Thought I was due a shitty time, but when I asked him what he wanted he just said he wanted to know if he was being too loud.

I left one of those sumo mandarins in my fridge for two weeks and I just ate it and it was so sweet. I feel like it healed me.

gifting heaven will be mine to some of my friends bc it's on sale :luna-terra-smirk:

Reposting what I initially said here (I think pro-trans liberation media and fiction and all that stuff should also count!).

I'm also trying to curate Marxist literature and put it in document for everyone to see.

Let me know if you come across any leftist, socialist, communist, etc. cinema/movies, videos, literature (fictional), TV shows/streaming serials, and other works of art in its entirety.

Give me the names and basic info so I can put it in my document for others to see eventually (I'm still working on it).

Oh, and video games especially are good in this regard (I already put in Disco Elysium lol).

I find myself in quite the pickle this week. It is very unpleasant and I have no idea what to do. I'm going to outline it below, but gods please pay attention to the content warning.

::: spoiler CW: Discussing Sex, Casual Sex, Bottom Surgery, and Dysphoria(?) with Wall of Text So, I've probably discussed recently that I'm in a polycule. I'm in a hinge relationship with my wife and my girlfriend. It's been like this now for about a year and a half. We've been pretty content, and that's awesome. However, I'm somewhat of a social butterfly and I'll talk to people. It's fun. I love talking to other folks. On rare occasion I'll find someone that meets my fancy. It's been a good while, but such an occasion has popped up very recently. Keep in mind, that this is not against any standing rules of the polycule. Simply if we meet someone, we bring it forward with the others. Anyways, I met someone on a Discord server and he and I became friends. After a while, we flirted with each other and it came to a point where it started to get into sexual matters. Well, it turns out we're pretty compatible sexually. Or at least as far as we can tell. We discussed the matters and we wouldn't mind actually meeting up at some point in the future as he lives pretty damn close to me. That's beside the point. I wouldn't be doing this for a while as I simply don't want to hook up with people until my bottom surgery here in a month and a half, and then a few months afterwards so I can heal properly. So, to cut things off, I approached both my wife and girlfriend this morning looking for permission. My wife, surprisingly, is all for it. Tells me to go for it and then inquires if I can somehow involve her, which is dope af IMO. Awesome isn't it? I go to my girlfriend a little later and I don't even get the words out of my mouth before she cuts me off with "I will immediately leave the relationship if you dare fuck this man." I'm immediately taken aback and don't know what to say. I didn't expect the most favorable response, but holy fuck I didn't expect this. She follows it up with "I do not want anyone else in the polycule at all." I then try and explain to her that I have no intention of including him in as it stands and that it's just a casual thing. She's still very hostile to it. I say, "Alright, I understand. I'll drop it. I'll let him know and just let it be." For some reason, she starts backtracking and all that. I'm becoming very uncomfortable with it as it's just welling up feelings of being sexually promiscuous or whatever and I'm starting to feel awful. She then starts to insist to not worry about it and do whatever. And it's like, what? How can i possibly do that when you just said you'll immediately leave me?! Coupled with my now personal feelings of being a whore, I want nothing to do with this discussion. I'm over it. I just want it dropped. She continues pushing and pushing. I keep saying no, please, I don't want to talk about it. The initial conclusion is fine. I'll abide. That's how this works. And that's how it more or less ended except I had to cut the conversation off cause she was calling me from work at that point >.>

I have severely conflicting feelings about all of this. I don't oft hook up with people as outlined above. It'll happen maybe once every year or two maybe. Recently much less because I've been navigating the maze that is transition. It's rough because...I mean...I'm pansexual. I'm interested in everyone so long as you get along with me very well. And, when I finally get bottom surgery here very soon, I want to actually have sex with someone with a penis, which doesn't exist in my relationship. I just do. I want to experience sexual relationships from both sides of the binary coin at the very least. But I doubt I'll ever be able to because my girlfriend is an androphobe, therefore vetoing any potential hook-ups. Plus, she did also request a complete lockdown of the polycule as it stands now. I...I really don't want that. I want to have sex with other folks. If someone pops up that would fit in, I would love to add to the polycule. But like, I also feel like the biggest piece of shit now because this is all going on because I just want to have casual sex with someone. Ugh, this is so fucked right now. I don't want to break up with her because like, I've been with her for a year and a half and we are very close to merging our lives together. But simultaneously, it feels like I suddenly have a ball and chain around my ankle controlling what I can and can't do and further locking down a part of my life that I absolutely do not want locked down. :::

Ultimately, I'm not asking for any advice. I just needed to vent. If you want to add something, by all means do so, but yeah, I'm not asking for it.

Good feel: I have no idea what it was even like to be flat anymore. I cannot envision or remember it. Slowly closing in on a decade since then. It's pretty weird to have almost 100% forgotten what it was like when my boobs grew in, but also the fact that all of my actual memories, everything from my adult life and a bit from before, have boobs in em is really pleasant. They're a 24/7 happy reminder of the good thing I did to make my body comfortable and enjoyable.

finally got around to reading the new unjust depths chapter. still great! i love elena and homa so this arc focusing on them is a special treat for cromalin in her time of need ::: spoiler i love elena, her proletarification worked “Communists don’t think that anyone is a ‘drain on resources’! It’s not a matter of whether they deserve resources, or whether they have earned them– everyone is given what they need! The crew would never think that about anyone. Sure, maybe I could take up less because I do less, and I try not to bother anyone– but when I haven’t eaten in a while Minardo berates me and makes me eat. If I’m cooped up in my room too much then the Captain or the Commissar might pop in to ask how my reading is going. And the sailors have gotten to used to having me around, and they wave at me every day. No– I don’t think anyone hates me. And if they do, it’s not because I ask for food and shelter.

I am trying to learn and change. I want to see the communist’s hopes blossom and I want to do what I can to help. I want to fight for that hope just like my new companions. Nobody who helps me now is waiting on me; nobody who feeds me is paying obeisances; nobody who protects me is fighting for royalty. I am their comrade; a soldier without a name.” :::

::: spoiler also this is me "Stupid, libidinal, dependent and bratty. Her brain practically boiling in a soup of hormones. Wants to bark and beg and submit and have filthy lesbian sex with her peers to a shameful degree." :::

Definitely having a hard week with dysphoria. Went to a wedding and had to boymode all weekend last weekend and it definitely left me completely fucked up :(. I'm hoping it will go away and I'll feel normal soon but so far I just feel worse and worse. I'm about to go get laser done for the first time and idfk what to where. Feel like I should put ob makeup or something but all I see is a guy in the mirror and I'm getting so tired of it :(

It's so frustrating because just last week I was feeling quite good. Very confident and sure of myself. And now I'm almost back into a questioning phase? Idk if I'm that far back but I just feel like shit and am like "should I just give up on this"

See passing trans woman -> I will never look like that -> Dysphoria

See clocky trans woman -> I have dysphoria over those same things -> Dysphoria

I am in hell

a left-wing party gets representation in the uk and it's the fucking transphobic shitheads in the worker's party of britain led by fucking george galloway

read a transphobic op-ed by someone with my deadname. weird feeling

never forgiving my previous endo for telling me to use 18g needles to do my injections. it hurt so bad every time and it gave me such a fear of injections that i switched for a long time and now that i use 23g i barely feel anything. why is it that even the non-trans-specific parts of our healthcare suck ass

I go by any/all pronouns everywhere but here (usually use here to try different pronoun sets) but I'm starting to think if i should go by he/him / they/them cos like, aside from my very lovely partner, everyone uses she/her exclusively on me cos I'm so clearly afab sounding/looking. Or it's just everyone calls me that so everyone also calls me that.

But i still like she/her a lot and i don't want to hear it never. Esp when I'm fully in girl mode. :cri:

What happened to that wayne track d'usse. I think it was meant to be on tha carter v but it didn't make it and now his best track is just sitting on youtube?

It has been confirmed. Lilly Bushnell was indeed a transwoman.

Patreon post of a content creator who she was a fan of and who communicated with her before: https://www.patreon.com/posts/what-can-we-do-99384971

Her Youtube channel that's empty: https://www.youtube.com/@LillyAnarkitty

And the smoking gun: Lilly expressing a desire to transition: https://search-new.pullpush.io/?author=acebush1&subreddit=Airforce&type=comment&q=Emotional+energy&sort_type=created_utc&sort=desc

The only difference between the Youtube and Twitch account name is a single L. Perhaps she had the foresight to know that her gender identity will be weaponized by Zionists and other transphobic reactionaries, so she purposefully self-immolated under her deadname and obscured the connection enough that people can't definitively prove she was trans but also left enough crumbs that people in the know would know.

idk if I'll ever be able to get over missing out being in school but as a girl

I don't get people complaining about not having big tits. I am not in HRT yet(sadly), but looking at my family I will be lucky to get something bigger than an A cup. And I am honestly fine with it. Femininity isn't stored in the tits after all. And small breasts are not exclusive to trans people, it is just a natural distribution.

Despite the fact that I never give myself time to think about it, I think I might be trans or nb, not sure, didn't give myself time to think about it.

It's amazing to me how quickly my time away from boymode has become my favorite time. Its my preferred new normal. Going back to boymode for work or social situations feels like putting on a mask that weighs a million pounds. It's exhausting.

Also, this weekend I discovered the dysphoria fighting powers of baggy overalls. Since it was nice out, my husband wanted my help with a bunch of spring cleaning and outdoor chores. I was dreading it because the weekends are my time, and I don't have anything to wear for that kind of stuff. And I definitely don't want to have that conversation with my neighbors yet.

So as I was getting dressed, I noticed my old baggy overalls. Imagine how pleased I was to find out that my brain doesn't gender overalls at all. So those and a cute tee shirt had me feeling great all day. I'm going to have to get a nicer pair to work into my regular going out and doing things clothes.