no one does a pronoun circle until the trans girl is clocked

man i love estrogen. i love feeling comfortable in my skin most of the time, and i love crying at emotionally affecting scenes in the art i like

(i was rereading the chimera ant arc, because someone on here said it was bad and i wanted to refresh my memory. pleased to report it's still good (politics aside) and the ending makes me cry like a baby. the pacing is good, the audience is mid)

>boymode for 6 years
>finally get to point where im comfortable enough to girlmode
>job market is fucked so cant switch jobs

honestly i feel like im never gonna find another job bcus i feel like im visibly autistic and i got stuck in this shitty job that's kinda low code and the only actual programming i do is sql. i had 1(one) interview recently where they were super enthusiastic and then ghosted after.. idk if its bcus i came off too awkward or i said something wrong or its bcus i havent finished my degree yet?? fucking sucks https://lemmygrad.ml/pictrs/image/65b5c037-0624-40d1-9b12-4b26a1e22f2e.jpeg

Reminder

my gal pal just came across some synthesizer-related issue that's so weird i can't even name it without potentially doxxing myself, and the first thing she thought of was asking me about it, and not only could i explain to her what was going on there, but had actually looked into that particular eurorack module doing all that weird shit in the past.

i don't think i've ever felt so understood than when i'm with her, she's such a treasure and it's so much fun being weird and gay with her. t4t will save your soul.

I'm sick and tired of HRT not giving me hips or an ass, so I'm taking matters into my own hands. I've been doing some lightish exercises with resistance bands to see how much it does and holy hell I started to see some results after a few days. Like noticeable to other people amounts of results. So now I"m super motivated and am going to go hard on this like I did my weight loss almost a decade ago. I'm going to have sick af hips and ass by year's end so long as my necessary 3 month break doesn't cause backsliding.

God I'm so pretty I love it

I had a guy tell me he misgenders ppl because "it's funny" and he's "an asshole" and I told an older black trans woman about it and she said she'd drop voice and beat his ass so that made me feel a lot better honestly

I miss my bf

::: spoiler Questioning, some descriptions of body image issues/dysphoria(?) I've been thinking about gender issues for a while and I don't know what to do about it. It's something I think about a lot and there's a lot of other things tied into it which are hard to untangle.

I starting having these kinds of feelings about 3 years ago. I was hanging out in generally left-wing/LGBT-friendly online spaces before that, so I knew what trans people were, but I only really started having these feelings myself when COVID hit. I've always been relatively physically androgynous/feminine for an AMAB person, but even so I've been wishing that I was more feminine. I don't feel a huge incongruity with the way my body is, and sometimes when I look/dress particularly androgynous I actually kind of like the way I look. That being said, I've still been noticing that I have more facial/body hair compared to a few years ago (along with other subtle things I can't quite name) and I really do not like that, and I'm really worried about further changes like that. I feel like it's going to be hard to achieve/maintain the level of femininity I want without medically transitioning, but I'm not entirely comfortable with being physically a woman either.

In general, I act pretty much like the stereotypical "socially-awkward male nerd", and while that isn't a particularly "masculine" social role, I also sometimes wish to be perceived as more feminine in this regard. When I'm with people I'm close with, I generally act cool and sometimes sarcastic. I tease people a lot (in a friendly way, though I wasn't always good at controlling that) and I'm good at verbally sparring when they make fun of me back. But sometimes I want to act cutesy or be more openly affectionate, and I can't because I feel too vulnerable doing so. This makes me feel like I'm too cold and too closed off if I want to be feminine, (though IDK if it's great to think that because it's kind of buying into gender roles).

The only person that I really trust that I've spoken to recently is an online friend who's a cishet guy (well, we've met in person but we live far enough apart that it's not super convenient), and he's supportive but it's not really something he knows how to help with. I've also talked about this with another online friend who is queer, but I haven't spoken to them a while (we drifted apart a bit due to circumstances in their life). I haven't told anyone IRL and it takes a long time for me to really trust people, so I basically don't have anyone to support me IRL. I don't think my parents are outright hateful, but I don't think they really understand LGBT stuff either, so I really want to be sure before I tell them anything. I'm also looking to work as a programmer, and I'm uneasy with presenting as not-male in my work life.

I've read through a bunch of the commonly linked trans resources but I still haven't really done anything about it. I live in one of the less awful states; there are informed consent clinics near me and I have enough money for that, so I feel like I'm fortunate compared to a lot of trans people. I've had some idle dreams about buying some feminine clothes, but I'm too lazy? scared? to even try that. I'm not sure if I'm that uncomfortable with my body or if I really want to be a woman that badly compared to the stories I've read. I'm worried that it's not a real feeling because I can't really recall any signs more than 3 years back. I'm unhappy in my life but there are a lot of reasons for that aside from (possibly) being trans. One part of me is scared of waiting too long to start transitioning, but another part of me is scared of having to learn to live as a trans person (or even just as not-male) in an increasingly fascist United States. I feel like I have to make a decision relatively soon, and it's just completely paralyzing.

There's a lot of other things I want to say but I'm not sure if this is coherent as is so IDK.

---

:::

I'm really sad and bummed out today

I am trans and love my trans girlfriend, that's the post

I made a new social media account and I'm somewhat overwhelmed by the need to present myself online. Like, how do you even get an avatar picture that says something about you (and isn't just an image from some anime)? And what's the point of a "banner" picture? I'm half-tempted to just reveal aspects of my real life identity, but years of having been online have imprinted on me that you should absolutely never do that. Honestly, I'm wondering if I'm just not creative and personable enough to use social media as something more than a content delivery machine on which I lurk.

So I had a cis person ask if transfemme periods are considered to be a side effect of HRT. While I think this is incredibly stupid and weird and offensive coming from a cis person... I'm actually kind of interested philosophically, I guess.

I want the opinions of the Smart Fuckers in this thread. I don't expect that cramps and moodswings are a desired objective of hormone replacement, but I also know that a great many of us feel validated by the presence of them. Idk how to respond to such a question fully.

Got some dope ass magenta eyeshadow. More and more my club looks are serving poisonous tree frog

I got misgendered at work by a colleague yesterday, I was having a sulk about it and they came back to ask my pronouns which was nice. Shaved for the first time in a week when I got home, it's nice to feel human again.

Also been playing Dragon Quest Builders, it's been good for my heart, and i've got the sequal coming in the mail, pretty excited to vanish from life for a while

heeelp, im visiting my parents who i'm not out too, so I had to do a stealth estrogen injection in my room and was really worried about someone walking in. since I was stressed out i fucked up and misread the syringe and injected 0.08 ml instead of 0.18 ml.

I only brought supplies for the one injection so i can't take the rest until tomorrow evening at the earliest, and I have blood test scheduled the day before my next injection and now it feels like no matter what I do it won't be accurate, wtf do i do??

Hello all, how are you doing. Hopefully well.

🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

I now have an appointment with an Endocrinologist, which is nice. I bought some cute clothes with my cousin as well.

I also met some local transpeople at an lgbt+ meet, but one (of the two present) told me we should deport refugees so that the right does not gain more influence and because the country is full. So, I think I'll have to keep looking for locals to hang out with.

pretty minor problem in the scheme of things but i'm taking a trans studies class in my university taught by who i'm 95% sure is just A Cis Guy and it is bothering me to no end.

going to class every week to learn why postmodern academics think Transsexualism™ is problematic and Reinforcing The Binary while i'm finally coming to terms with myself for actually wanting bottom surgery and realizing that it's gotten a lot less accessible for me during the few years i spent waffling

I really don't like boymoding at work it's kinda driving me nuts. But also I'm just scared to come out and don't feel like I'm far enough into my transition. It's kinda shitty honeslty

My T is under the threshold to where my insurance is gonna cover my laser!!!!

This is a depressing post. Please don't read on if that's going to make you feel bad.

I'm spiraling a bit today because that shitty, shitty opinion piece by Pamela Paul in the New York Times from like two days ago was somehow convincing to my mother. She's your standard lib, except she's pretty trans-positive, given that my sister and I are both trans and have worked hard in the 4 or so years since we came out to her to get her to understand trans issues. She's read Whipping Girl, she's read Beyond Pink and Blue, I've even gone over various articles she's found in the past and pointed out the transphobia in them and she seemed to see it once I pointed it out.

And yet. Yesterday she tells me that Pamela Paul's recent opinion piece might have some good stuff in it and since I hadn't read it yet, I assumed it must be better than Paul's usual absolute garbage. So I read it today, in order to give her a critique and point out the transphobia she'd missed, assuming I was in for a relatively bad time, but maybe not so terrible since Mom thought there was something worthwhile.

It's just as awful as you'd think. It's standard transphobic tripe. I feel really hopeless, because if my mother, who is relatively educated about trans issues, doesn't see through this shit, what hope can I have for any other lib? Apparently as long as you don't literally say "kill trans people", libs will read the rankest of transphobia and be like, huh, I guess that makes sense.

got to alluka in the hunter x hunter reread. it's great that one of the most popular shonen manga/anime out there has a whole arc about one of the main characters loving his transgender sister and learning to accept her headmate as his sister as well

it's wild that people go "hmmm. so is she a boy or a girl? she says she's a girl, and so does the only person who loves her. but the rest of her family (who are all incredibly abusive and torture people for fun) says she's a boy, and make a really specific point of doing so. this is a conundrum that i just don't know how to solve!"

New job, new insurance, gotta find a new doctor and hope they're cool with my self-medding. My last doc was cool - I just told him my dosages and he was like "yeah that sounds about right, lemme get your insurance to pay for it."

But he's out of network now, and I gotta look again and make sure my new doc doesn't ask me to go off meds for a "baseline".

Also bout to bite the bullet and learn to crypto to refill my stockpile.

Spent an hour trying to find an artist across 3 social medias because i cant remember her name

My cousin who doesn't know I'm trans wants me to send her a picture of myself and I'm like uhhhhhhh do I have to

::: spoiler dysphoria, references to horny augh i was feeling really good about myself and went to take a closer look at the massive bruises on my neck (good bruises) and noticed stubble and now i feel like shit :::

Am in a Discord Server for local trans ppl, and they are complaining about "Tankies" (they mean the local Trots). Gave some pushback, but was nice about it. One person said that she is a "liberal democratic socalist". Didn't know that this discourse existed IRL.

i hate that i find F1NN5TER and ashley's relationship so fucking adorable

it's like reality TV levels of "omg".. i suppose it's somewhat their choice to be public about it.

good or bad thing overall? like both in general and for trans awareness/gender identity stuff?

also what's up with femboys and transwomen/transfemmes? i consider myself pretty megalesbian but my one exception is femboys. i was actually happy to be kind of bi when i realized this

ahhhh more trans dragona discourse. "is it reasonable to read the amab character getting injections that give the appearance of breasts as trans? i think probably not, they get referred to as male so no further thought necessary"

::: spoiler CW: dysphoria Hiii, I’m really unhappy/dysphoric about a lot of things rn, chief among them being my voice, does anyone have any recommendations for apps, videos, anything really that will help with voice training. If not it’s okay. IDK where to post this so it’s going here :::

Met some new trans person - turns out to be a horny liberal into the game with the ::: spoiler Spoiler incest subtext ::: wish me luck for next time

still trying to figure out my style and stuff

got a new sweater the other day and it gives off massive Basic White Girl™ vibes and I'm honestly pretty here for it

asking for t4t advice

::: spoiler cw sexual content My GF and I have been together for a bit now but it’s been pretty hard to do anything when we’re together. We can hang out and play games or just talk, and that’s fun, but actually doing, y’know, the thing, is really hard.

I think part of it is that, while I mentally internalize my GF as the girl she is, and it’s really easy to get into things in my imagination of her or while not in person, I think seeing her in person just freaks me out because I worry that she isn’t quite femme enough in her current presentation for me to be fully attracted to her, which really fucks with my head. It’s extremely hard because I want to be freaky with her and usually are but whenever we’re in person I just freeze.

I’m worried I have some sort of internalized transphobia or some subconscious misgendering of my GF which is stopping me from being fully into her.

Is there any way I can help myself get into the proper mindset? Should I have sex while high or something? Maybe meditate on her appearance and like, recontextualize her appearance?

I really need an elder queer’s help here, I feel stuck but also like this is something lots of people would deal with in t4t relationships. :::

I have this problem that starting a while ago every time I do introspection it tells me I need to come out to people even if they might react negatively and I don't want to do that because it's scary so now I just avoid all introspection

you will never stop my posting i will post forever i will post on your grave i will post GO-